The Bitter Taste of Victory

So I won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Jeff came home yesterday and said we would have to get an artificial tree because he looked and no one still has live trees, he went to three different places. He said we would just use the fake tree like I suggested and get another real tree next year. We went to Target and bought a fake tree. Great, right? Not so much.

Jeff was REALLY sad. We talked about it and he said that Christmas is something that has a lot of good memories tied to it and for him a real tree is a part of that. He doesn't care very deeply about much besides people so since Christmas is something he does care deeply about it really effects him when it doesn't go as he had hoped. Ouch. Why would I take away the joy of Christmas because I have to vacuum a few (thousand) needles. I sure felt like a scrooge. I believe this is a valuable lesson in being logically right but morally wrong. Oops, hopefully lesson learned. I am giving Jeff a coupon in his stocking good for "no more arguments about real trees forever more."

Let's Get Ready to Rumble

Now say it in that voice like the guy from the boxing matches. I hear that in my head every year around Thanksgiving because that is when Jeff and I are start our annual Christmas tree battle. I believe it has come to a head today and he doesn't even know it. You see Jeff loves Christmas. This is big because Jeff doesn't LOVE much besides people and our pets. But Christmas is a big deal to him and he likes to have the decorations up as long as possible and he starts listening to Christmas music after Halloween I am pretty sure. Part of Jeff's Christmas obsession is having a real Christmas tree. I guess they always has a real tree growing up so maybe that's why, I don't really know. (We had a real tree growing up as well and yet I am not wedded to a real tree.) Now I don't mind a real tree except for the fact that I swear I am still picking up needles in March. It makes me CRAZY! So this year I started in about getting a lovely artificial tree and he said just one year could we not have this argument. I felt childish and decided I would not hound him about it again. Who am I to take away his joy of picking out a real tree and having it for Christmas. By the way picking it out is also a ridiculous task - he cuts open about 10 trees and bangs them on the ground and then makes me hold them while he inspects them from every possible angle. Then he ends up getting the first one he picked out. Lucky for me we have the world's greatest tree stand and it is easy to make the tree straight without too much hassle. So anyway I am trying to be a good Christian, non-combative wife so we got a real tree and decorated it and all was well with the world until about a week ago.

About two weeks ago I noticed that the tree was getting really brittle and I thought I needed to be better about checking the water. So I checked but the water level never went down. A week ago I declared our tree officially dead. Yesterday every time I looked at it I was just sad. (In the mean time I noticed that the room we spend the most time in has no Christmas decorations because the tree was in the living room and we hang out in the family room.) So I said to Jeff maybe we can get a real tree for the living room and put all of our sentimental crazy decorations on it and then we can get a fake tree for the living room and I can attempt to make it the perfect tree a la Martha Stewart. Jeff said no but didn't sound to convincing about it so I decided to wait and bring it up again after Christmas because maybe we could get a fake tree cheap the day after Christmas.

Well this morning I told Jeff how sad the tree was making me and I said maybe we can get a fake tree to replace this one until Christmas and then the fake tree will move in to the family room next year. Well you would have thought I suggested we sacrifice Emelia to the tree gods. He said he would just go get a new real tree. I said that was a waste of $60 and he said there will be no fake trees in this house. Oh really?!? So we argued about it some more and then he says what will you tell Emelia? As though some day I was going to have to explain to her why mommy smoked crack. WHAT!!!!! It is an artificial tree. Finally I just decided that this is one of those rare instances when we can not come to a reasonable compromise and as the head of the household I was going to have to follow him. (kicking and screaming, but I will follow.) I even decided that I would take down the ornies and lights from this tree and be ready for a new real tree.

Okay that was a mistake because this tree was so dead that I think 1/2 of the needles ended up on the floor. I would try to take and ornament off and the whole branch would snap off in my hand. The more I plucked needles out of my sweater the more annoyed I got. By the time I got the stupid tree outside I was fuming. I have calmed down now, thank you blog, but I still think there has to be a better way. I will try to follow wise advice I once got, just shut up about it and pray. I will let you know what happens.

Sweet Tooth

My cookie exchange was really fun. The playdate was also great. It was nice to just to be around other moms and see that everyone struggles. There were three moms at the playgroup and they have kids ranging in age from ten to one. Holly actually has a three year old, a two year old and twin one year olds. Her husband is not in Iraq but on a short term assignment in the Caribbean, I think. She handles everything with such ease. At least it looks that way... she says she has lots of help from her friends which makes it doable. She just doesn't seem to get freaked out about anything. She borrowed a diaper at lunch and when she was changing one of the twins I asked if she wanted some Desitin and she replied "oh no we don't have time for that luxury." I smiled and thought thank the Lord for perspective. I am hoping to join up with their playgroup. Holly also mentioned a Bible study at the church designed for people who are new to town. I think I will look in to that.

My dad is coming next week and I am really excited so see him and for Emmy to have some time with him. It is good to engage her with family. I met my aunt for lunch this week and when we left I said say goodbye to auntie and she leaned over and gave her a hug. It was very sweet.

Good news from my friends in Ukraine, their adoption went through and they are on their way back with the boys on the 22. What a blessing! Thanks for your prayers!

Lately I have been very humbled by the people around me. I look at Mark and Courtney and think how are they adopting two boys who are 4 and 5 and don't speak English and yet Mark and Courtney feel as though this is the best gift they could have gotten. Holly has four kids under age three and I marvel at how she does it and yet she not only gets by, she doesn't complain and seems to really relish her children and takes the time to extend a warm welcome to a newcomer. I feel like God is placing these people in my life to show me gratitude and humility and grace and peace. I hope I can use the lessons wisely. I really want to be connected to a church again so I can serve others. My life feels sort of unfulfilling without the opportunity to help others.

Today it is warm, above freezing so maybe I will take Em for a wagon ride.

I Have a Date

I actually have two. I am so excited! No, not that kind of date silly, a playdate. Jeff and I went to a new church this weekend and we both really liked it. (As much as Jeff can really like anything - Jeff likes to limit use of adjectives when describing emotions.) I met a women there who has twin one year olds, a two year old and a four year old, oh and her husband is deployed in Iraq currently. (I am tired just thinking about it.) She introduced herself and we chatted. She invited me to a cookie exchange on Wednesday evening. Then she called last night and invited me to a play group she does tomorrow during the day. I really am excited. It is sort of like having a life again. I made my best cookies - they aren't pretty but they taste good. They called for chocolate icing to be drizzeled on top and I am not a good drizzler and I think I made the frosting to thin. Oh well. Look I am all nervous, this is worse than my first date in high school. Probably because I was a lot cuter then and no one was looking at my cookies, trust me. I even bought a new sweater to wear. I will let you know how it goes. Even if I never speak to one of these women again at least for one week I was excited. In addition I think the church would be a really good place for me to get plugged in. They seem to have a lot of activities and different ministries that really appeal to us. We will continue to pray for God's guidance as to where we end up.

In other news we have some friends from St. Louis who are in Ukraine right now trying to finalize an adoption. If you all could pray for Mark and Courtney that would be great. The power of prayer is awesome and this couple has been waiting for this adoption for three years and they are finally there and the two boys they are set to adopt may have family showing up out of the woodwork. I am just sick when I think about it but I know God has a plan for them. Thanks for your support for our friends.

Call Oprah, my kid's a hoarder

Monday was Emmy's first birthday. I can't believe it has been a year. It feels like yesterday that I was wondering if she would sleep through the night or roll over. Now she walks and dances and eats waffles. Who knew? I never could have imagined that I could love her as much as I do or that being a mom would change my life in such a dramatic way. This is by far the hardest job I have ever had. Some days I feel like it is the most rewarding and other days I want to sell her to the gypsies. (Not that I would know where to find gypsies or how much to ask for my child.) I have begun to think about what it would be like to have another child. I wonder if I could go through the tough stages again while still facing the unexpected challenge of whatever new stage Emmy was going through. Can I handle sleep training and potty training at the same time? Do I want to go back to work anytime soon? Do I want to go back to work ever? Every time I try to think about what this next stage of life will bring I end up with more questions than answers. I imagine that is why God is in charge and not me.

Some new revelations about Emmy - she loves Elmo and she is a hoarder. We have started a new ritual with Sesame Street. She sits on my lap and we cuddle and watch Sesame Street. She loves Elmo. Sometimes if she is clinging to my legs while I am trying to make dinner I put on Sesame Street to occupy her. It will keep her busy for a little bit then she will wonder off. As soon as the theme song to Elmo's World comes on she comes running back in to the room with a huge grin on her face. Yesterday we were in Babies R Us and she found a life size Elmo doll. She promptly picked it up and tried to share her snack with him. I would have bought him but he was $40 and I was sure I could find him somewhere else cheaper. Now to the hoarding.

Jeff bought her a wagon for her birthday. She loves it. She likes to go for rides in it but mostly she likes to put her toys in it and push it around. After I laid her down for her afternoon nap I took a peak inside the wagon and I found the following items that she had been collecting all day - Elmo, her dolly, her stuffed frog, letter from her fridge phonics game, my headband, the dog's bone, Jeff's xbox controller, a fish teether and her spin a letter toy. I laughed so hard. What a funny baby she is.

Um it is snowing--again

Why, why must it snow again today and yet again on Tuesday supposedly? Yesterday the low was 19 and the high was 21. What is that? How is the high two degrees from the low?

Last night was Jeff's holiday party at his boss' house. It was really nice. It was sooooo nice to talk to people. It turns out the event group reports in to Jeff's boss as well and they have a woman who is going on maternity leave so we talked about me maybe helping out while she is on leave. If we can work out the details that would be nifty. My aunt Elaine watched Emmy and she said she did really well. I am so thankful! It is nice to know that maybe Jeff and I can go to a restaurant that doesn't have a kids menu every now and then.

So I am officially putting in a request with God to melt the snow but according to everyone I talked to last night I don't hold out much hope until March.

"It's still there!"

This is what I said to Jeff this morning when I realized the four inches of snow we got yesterday was still on the ground. (Disclaimer - for those of you who have grown up around snow you are going to find this post fairly ridiculous.) I figured that snow would be like it was in St. Louis. It would snow, it would be pretty/cold for a day or so then it would melt and in a month or so it would snow again. Um that is not the case here. It never gets warm enough for the snow to melt so from here on out I believe that every snow fall we have will just add to the snow on the ground. UGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I don't like to drive in snow and I don't like to have to dry the dog off every time he goes out in the snow. Poor buddy the snow covers his legs and makes his little belly all wet. The bright side I have found in all of this is that it is a good chance to buy some new shoes - snow boots.

Here are some pictures I took yesterday. The first one was taken at 8:00 and the second one was taken at noon.

So Sad

I am at a loss for words to describe how I feel today. I am so sad for the families of the victims and the people who are still recovering from their injuries. Yesterday as the story of t eh mall shooting unfolded at first I just head shooting at a mall. I assumed it was one of the "not so nice malls" and that it was gangsters shooting at each other. (How callous is that? - We will get back to that in a minute.) then I heard it was Westroads, that is one of the nicer malls. Then I heard it was in Von Mauers, that is sort of like a Nordstroms. First it was five likely injured, okay I could deal with that. That was all we heard until around 4:00 when the Police Spokesperson said " we can confirm that nine people are dead." I thought surely she misspoke. Unfortunately she did not. I was just so sad. I called my friend and asked her to pray with me because I didn't know what else to do. I know there is not much more I can do.

I called all of my family here and everyone was good. When I talked to my dad's brother he told me that my cousin's husband and their two daughters left the mall about 15 minutes before the shooting started. It is all so surreal. Jeff and I were just at that mall on Sunday.

Friends and family is you read t his please take a minute and pray for the victims families, those still fighting to recover and teh entire city of Omaha.

Thanks.

Ice Ice Baby

Today is a unique day for a couple of reasons.

1) Jeff and I were awake before Emmy. She slept until 7:11! It is so pleasant to awake not to an alarm and not to a fussing child or even to a singing child, but to your own body's circadian rhythm.

2) Everything is covered in ice. As we were making breakfast this morning Jeff and I were discussing this phenomenon, because frankly I don't get it. The water coming from the sky is rain yet when it lands it turns to ice. If it is cold enough to turn it to ice shouldn't it be cold enough to make the precipitation snow? You know? Jeff says that it is warmer in the atmosphere than on the ground. I am going to blame global warming. It looks like it is just raining outside but the dog slid down the sidewalk on his way to relieving himself. One really cool part of this is icicles. Also the individual blades of grass are encapsulated in ice. I tried to capture it on film but my photography skills leave a bit to be desired.

3) I am stuck inside and loving it. We made breakfast together and now we are going to give Em a bath and then we are going to decorate the tree. Jeff brought a tree home last night. Yippee!!!!! Now if only the Big 12 championship game weren't on in prime time it would be a banner day!

I Love Once Upon a Child

So today I went Christmas shopping, I thought I could use a little retail therapy. I found some great stuff for Jeff and some fun princess dolls at the Disney store marked down 50% for Em but best of all I found the Once Upon a Child store. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is a children's resale shop. They have tons of gently used clothes and toys. I bought Emmy eight pieces of clothing including a velvet Christmas dress from Children's Place and a toy for $40. SCORE!!!! I love love love the little outfit from Gymboree that I got her. Having a child is sort of like having a Barbie except easier to dress (then again maybe not at least the plastic legs didn't kick.) I love dressing Emmy in fun clothes and bows in her hair and all of that sort of thing. I have no idea what she will like when she is old enough to choose her own clothes so I better enjoy it now. Here is her little overall set I just bought, yes I did change her in to it when we got home. I am a freak! It has teeny cupcakes on it - I mean seriously, cupcakes!

The first one is a close up - once I got the camera out it was hard to keep her from walking up to me.

Pity Party of One

your table is now available. Sorry for the Debbie Downer entry yesterday. I feel much better today. After I sat and had some tea I felt a little more like myself. I got off my butt and dug out the sleep book which had some good suggestions and I took Murphy to the vet, who also had some good suggestions. I tried to count my blessing literally and they are to many to number. My friend Jess also gave me some good perspective. Sometimes I expect things to get better sooner than is realistic. I think I should just be able to snap out of it and put things together. I think that is my anal control freak side. Instead of waiting patiently while God works all things out for His glory I get to thinking I can fix it myself. Man I hope I don't pass that on to Emelia, that and my thighs oh and my freckles.

Turns out the vet thinks Murphy may have a urinary tract infection so he is on antibiotics. He also gave me a cream to put on his pee pee because it is inflamed. GROSS!!!!! But if it means he stops peeing in the house, I will put it on four times a day like I am supposed to.

We are expecting an ice storm tomorrow. I like winter and I like snow, I don't like ice. I don't like being unable to go places when I want to go. This will be the first big test of winter in Omaha and the weather people here. I discovered it is much harder to be a weather person in the Midwest than in LA. Fritz Coleman was always like "it looks like it will be 78 and sunny today, for tomorrow we think it will be 79 and sunny." The Midwest has actual weather patterns to evaluate and try to interpret.

Dear sweet blog thanks for bearing with me and loving me even when I am not sunny and cheery. So everyone can pray for Murphy's pee issue I have included his picture, how can you not pray for that dog! And here is Miss Em with the ballpopper extraordinaire.

Out of Sorts

I am feeling a bit out of sorts today. I am not sure exactly what my problem is but I feel a little bit isolated. I am sort of wandering through my days lately. I have no real plans other than grocery shopping and naps. I thought maybe I was just feeling a bit blue because of the holidays. I usually miss my mom around now. It could be that I am struggling with the move and having no friends here. It could be that I am feeling icky because the baby is being a fuss bunny today. I don't know what it is but I am sad. I miss my friends and I miss feeling like I have a sense of purpose. I feel like all I do is cook and clean and change diapers. Oh and clean up pee spots, for some reason Murphy has started peeing all over the house. Between Emmy's erratic naps and the dog's wayward bladder I am tired. I would get out the sleep book and try to figure out what to do about Emmy's nap but we have not unpacked the books yet. I feel like I am living in a state of flux. We haven't hung things on the wall in the bedrooms because we need to paint and we don't really have all the furniture we need to decorate the rooms so it sort of feels like we don't really live here. I just have this feeling like I want to go home and have my life back. I know that is not possible and it is selfish because Jeff is so much happier here in Omaha. I try to convince myself that I am too but I am not. I know I should be praying about all of this but I can't even put my mind to that. This whole funk is probably Satan trying to get at me and I know I am letting him. I just feel sort of sad and desperate. I wish my mom were here she was always the person I called when I feel like this. I could call any one of my friends but I feel like such a whiner, probably because I am right now. I just put Emmy down for a nap which is funny since this is neither her normal nap time nor her new nap time. Being type A is so hard. : ) At least that made me smile. If you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?

I think I will make myself a cup of tea and try to focus on the blessings in my life and pray that I snap out of this.

Naps are for sissies

So we have started a new nap trend. Okay I shouldn't call it a trend because that implies consistency and well, there is nothing consistent about it. She seems to be moving to the one nap a day model. This would be fine if we would just switch over and politely sleep for two hours in the afternoon and then sleep for 10-12 hours at night. I would love that, but I am afraid that is not the case and that transitioning may take longer than I would like. Go figure. Yesterday she only took one nap and it seemed to be okay, but we will see what today brings.

We put up Christmas decor this week and Emmy helped me. She has also figured out how to get her dad's xbox controllers out and turn on the box. Oy vey!

Make new friends....

but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. I had that song, "The Friendship Song" from the Girl Scouts in my head today because last night I got to see some old friends. In the timeline of my life I suppose they are actually new friends but they are my St. Louis church friends which now makes them old. (Not in years but you know what I mean.) It was so nice to spend time with three women who I consider terrific examples of how to be a Godly Christian wife and mom. These women really are role models for me. Each of them are different and each of them will readily admit their flaws but they are all living each day trying to be the best wife and mother they can be. I love that about them. (Some are soon to be moms and even though they don't have kids yet (only a few more weeks) I still think they know more about Christian parenting than I ever will.)

I was at my friends wedding in Topeka Kansas, wow that is a boring drive , which is where I was able to see my friends. Jeff called me last night and said Emmy's diaper rash has gotten worse and that she howled when he tried to clean her tush after her two butt explosions. I think it might have a yeast component to the rash so I will call the doctor on Monday to talk to a nurse about her symptoms and see what we should do. In other fun news I came home this morning and tried to get Emmy to nurse since I had not nursed since yesterday morning, nor have I pumped, and she said nope. It is not time to nurse therefore I will not. Man she is a child of routine. I loaned my pump to my cousin since I don't really use it anymore so now I look like Pam Anderson. We will see if I can get her to nurse before her afternoon nap. If not I will just have to wait until bedtime tonight and hope for the best. So far it is not to painful but they are definitely firmer than I would like.

My friend Lindsey sent Emmy a Busy Ball Popper for her birthday and she loves it. It is by Playskool and I definitely recommend it to anyone with a toddler. I am not sure what the age range on it is but Em thinks it is loads of fun.

Jeff just told me that our realtor called and three separate people are looking at the house this weekend for the first time. Let's pray one of them is the right one!

Grammy is soooo fun

Jeff's parents were here this week, they just left this morning. It was heartwarming to see Emmy really warm up to Jeff's mom. She ate more food siting on Grandma's lap than she did in the high chair. We had a really nice visit. I made my friend's famous caramel chex mix and Elsie asked for the recipe. I will cherish that moment until next Thanksgiving!

A certain friend of mine asked for photos of the house. I will see if I can get some good ones and post them soon.

Happy Black Friday everyone!

Seriously, would you look at this face

This is the face of a darn cute baby. Although currently she is a darn cute baby who refuses to nap and has been crying for the last 20 minutes. UGH, but she is still cute.

Baby it's cold outside

Here is why I love winter...

The earliest blog entry

So as I sit here at my computer at 6:39, I have been up for almost two hours already - cripes, the day is half over! At least according to the baby. She woke up this morning at 4:54. I brought her back to bed with me and nursed her in bed hoping she would nurse and go back to sleep. No dice. She nursed and then laid there snoring, it seemed, for just long enough to get my hopes up before bolting upright and giggling. Oh man, that is early.

In an effort to find the beauty of God's creation in everything even the clock that says it is 5:00 a.m., here is what I noticed about my early start.

Starlight walks with the dog - it was lovely the stars were still so clear. Then as I came inside I was greeted by the smell of freshly brewed coffee. It reminds me of waking up at my mom's house.

Breakfast with friends - Since Emmy has taken to her Elmo doll the last few days she did not want o put him down for breakfast so Elmo sat in the high chair and joined us for waffles.

Sunrise - So I can actually see the sun rise over cornfields from some of the windows in my house. We live in a new development that is on the southern edge of 96th street. The pavement literally turns to gravel one block south of our street. Last night I saw the most beautiful sunset. (I took a picture of it and when I find the cord that connects the camera to the computer I will post it.)

A jump start on my to do list - Being as anal as I am, having the opportunity to cross even more things off of my to do list is exciting!

So good morning world may your day start as well as mine has... just a few hours later.

Why I am too old to text message

Okay so clearly I am not the target text message demographic, I get that, but every now and again I like to send text messages. Usually I do it when I know my husband is unavailable by phone or something along those lines. Well last night I wanted to get my friend to send me his email address. It was 9:30, which I believe makes it about an hour to late to politely call someone, but I didn't want to forget, so I sent a text message. Thinking I was funny I signed it "love your favorite midwestern housewife." (Yes I know you don't have to sign text messages but like I said I am not so good at this.) So he writes back and says who is this? I, again thinking I am being funny, write, silly goose it is me, e. So he writes back again and says seriously who is this. This particular friend of mine and I have an inside joke about punctuation, especially the use of i.e. So I write i.e. it is me. Then I went to bed. This morning I woke up to a text message saying "this isn't funny WHO is this? I have a sleeping six year old and if you have any respect for me you will tell me who this is or quit texting." OOPS! My friend that I was writing to has grandchildren that are around six but not children that age. I couldn't figure out what went wrong until I realized that I was using my friend's old cell phone number to send the messages to. I sent an apology text this morning but not before feeling like a gigantic idiot!

Shame

I am so ashamed of myself. Last night I completely lost it with Emmy. Jeff was running late coming home and I was trying to get dinner ready. She was tugging at my pant legs and wouldn't leave me alone while I was trying to cook. I thought she was hungry so I gave her a snack and a sippy cup of milk to hold her over until we could all eat dinner together. She wouldn't stop fussing, Jeff called to say he was running later that he thought and I was at the end of my rope. I put her in the high chair and tried to give her some cheeseburger pocket (what we were having for dinner) she spit it back at me so I tried again and she wouldn't open her mouth. I was sure she would like it if she would just try it because she loves cheese. I caught her with her mouth open and managed to wedge a piece in and she apparently felt violated because she began to scream so I screamed at her to just eat it and then she screamed louder and then I screamed again and angrily pulled her high chair tray off and picked her up and yelled, "what do you want?" She just looked at me and screamed and cried, as I sit here typing this I could not feel any worse. I suddenly snapped to my sense and was thought , "dear God what am I doing?" I held her and apologized to her and tried to calm her down because at this point she has big fat tears streaming down her face and was sobbing. I finally got her calmed down and we sat and watched Wheel of Fortune and ate cheeseburger pockets.

I was so ashamed of myself and felt awful. The only saving grace was the thought that she is not old enough to remember that ugliness from her mom. I am trying hard to turn over her eating issues to God. I know in my head that if she is hungry she will eat and if not she won't. I never quite know if she is done with what I have given her or done with dinner and then I worry about her not getting enough nutrition. I know this is only going to get worse based on what I have read and I can not force her to eat so I am praying about it fervently and trying to let go of my anxiety about the situation.

I hope that last night's ugliness will serve as a reminder that not eating is not cause for not loving.

Make the Boxes Go Away

Well we officially own the house now even though we have been living here for two weeks. We closed on the house today and it feels good to get that out of the way. The previous owners let us preoccupy the house since they were not living here. The deal is these people basically went to this builder and built this house but in the nine months it took to construct it they got a divorce so they sold the house without ever having lived in it. It is a sad story to me. How does so much go so wrong in as little as nine months? Anyway, we own it and now we just have to finish unpacking. I am finding it a little hard to finish unpacking as there are some key furniture additions we will need to make in oder for everything to be complete and it is tough to work around that stuff but I am trying.

Jeff's parents are coming next week and I really want the house to look nice for them. I am sure they will tell us it is too big and too fancy but I at least want things to look nice.

I am reading a new book called Faith Based Family and it is rocking my world. It is completely challenging me not just on how I want to raise Emmy but on how I want to be as a Christian. It is a great book.

Back to the move, I still want to paint a few of the rooms but I am trying to decide whether to attempt it myself or pay someone to do it. I could probably do it myself but when we did that with the old house I saw every flaw every time I walked in to the room and I don't want it to be that way here. Maybe I will get a quote and then decide, or maybe the quote will decide for me.

Umm Yeah I've Been Meaning to Write

So I know it has been a really long time since I posted and I also know last time I posted I said I was going to write more and I also know I haven't so well Oops! So much has changed since last time I posted. Jeff got a job not with the Chicago company and not with the St. Louis company but with ConAgra Foods in Omaha. So alas, we live in Omaha. When I was a kid my dad was in the Air Force and we always wanted to get stationed in Omaha because that would be the base closest to family. We never did and yet here 30 years later I am in Omaha. God is so funny sometimes. I now live in the same city as two aunts , an uncle, four cousins and four second cousins. It is so weird to live in the same city as family. I am still not entirely sure how it is supposed to work. On Monday I ran in to my aunt in the grocery store - seriously that is weird.

There are good things and bad things about Omaha. The good things first...
Our house - It is lovely and larger than anything we could have ever dreamed of owning, three times the size of our St. Louis house for 15k less. We live near a SuperTarget and a Super Wal Mart as well as a Hy-Vee. For those of you who don't know what a Hy-Vee is, it is a grocery store but ours is like a grocery store on steroids. It is brand new and has an eat-in area that has not only your standard market deli counter but a killer salad bar, chinese food and pizza.

Cost of Living - The cost of housing is the most noticeable decrease but the cost of everything else is slightly cheaper as well. Jeff also makes about 40% more than his old job so the money just seems to go so much farther.

Slower life - If I thought life in St. Louis was slower-paced, life in Omaha practically stands still. It also just feels like another time. I went to a Fareway today - another grocery store. (When I get to the bad stuff you will realize there isn't a ton to do here hence the daily grocery trips.) The Fareway had no prepackaged meat only a butcher counter. I asked for a roast and he asked how much I wanted. I had no idea, I usually just pick up the package that is the cheapest at the regular grocery store. Then I checked out and the nice young bagger wanted to help me out to my car with my one bag of groceries. I declined.

Family - It is nice to live near family. My prayer is that I can be a blessing to them and serve them the way I tried to serve my friends in St. Louis.

Now the bad stuff...

No Chick-Fil-A - Seriously, this currently tops my list of issues. When we moved her Jeff checked the web site and told me there was a Chick-Fil-A. I was okay with there only being one. Then I discovered yesterday that it is in the Mutual of Omaha cafeteria and I don't think it is open to the public. I have a few calls to make still to confirm but I am not holding out much hope. My next plan of attack is to find a friend who works for Mutual of Omaha so I can meet them for lunch and have Chick-Fil-A.

Lonely - I do have family here but I miss my friends. I know I will make new friends but it will be years before I am connected the way I was in St. Louis. I am just praying that God helps us find a church so we can start to meet people.

Not a ton to do - I think we will miss the plays, concerts and sporting events most. They have a nice zoo here although I think the one in STL is better. I will check out the botanical gardens and museums in the spring.

That is a snap shot of life in Omaha. On to other things.

Emmy is doing well, she started walking right after we moved here which was 10/27. Now she walks more than crawls and has a harder time siting still. My new obsession is her eating habits or lack thereof. She only wants to eat things she can feed herself and yogurt or ice cream. Every now and again she will let me feed her something but only for about 6 spoonfuls. She is refusing most vegetables and will only eat some fruit some of the time. Her desire changes daily. The one constant is cheese. She would eat my arm if i covered it in cheese. Today I made her a grilled cheese sandshich and smuggled peas in to it. I looked over and she was squeezing the chesee and peas out of the sandwhich, dropping the peas and eating the cheese. Seriously!!!

I will add a couple of pictures and then try to get back in the swing of things. It should be easier now that the computer is on the main floor and the monitor isn't out of range.




Our new house

Long Time No Talk

I know it has been awhile since I have posted on here so for any of you who have been checking - sorry! Things are moving right along in some ways and are totally crazy in others. So, the baby is doing well but she is teething which makes her a bit clingy and a little bit of a fussy bunny. (There is a whole song I have composed to accompany the fussy bunny role but I will have to sing it for you another time.) We have settled in to a pretty good schedule. She gets up, plays for awhile, eats some breakfast, naps nurses, we run errands, she nurses again then naps again and then daddy comes home and the real fun starts. She eats another solid meal in the evening, takes a bath and goes to bed. It is hard to even remember the days when I thought she would never go to bed. We have cured, for the most part, the night waking. She sleeps straight through the night most nights and wakes a couple times a week, but usually she can get herself back to sleep. I highly recommend the Ferber Sleep Method his book is titled Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems and it certainly did. God has been blessing our family tremendously as we continue to evolve from two to three.

Now the crazy part. Jeff is not really happy at work and hasn't been for some time. We really feel like God is leading us away from Hardee's. The tricky part is we are not sure where he is leading us to. Jeff had a good interview in Chicago with a PR agency there. Everything about the position sounds great. The trouble is we don't really want to move and we are not sure if we can afford to live in Chicago without Jeff having to add two hours on to his day in commuting time. Jeff has an interview with a St. Louis company on Wednesday and we are really praying that it would go well and he would get an offer from them. We are trying to be open to where God wants us to go but it is tough to know.

I guess that is about it for now, I will try to be better about writing. Not only does it help me stay in touch with people, it helps me organize my thoughts.

We have started solid food and this is what it looks like.

Famous Baby

So Emmy is famous yet again. Last night she and I were a part of a local news segment about savvy grocery shopping. My crazy coupon clipping is now documented for the world. On that note, I practically stole Pampers from Target today. Two packs were on sale for $17 and I had two $1.00 off coupons plus a coupon for 2.50 off if you buy ten dollars worth plus four other coupons for money off if you purchase wipes. I basically used 8 coupons on two packs of diapers and two packs of wipes. I am crazy but I swear it is like drugs or something, I am addicted to saving money.

My dad is coming for a visit this weekend so I think we are going to go to the zoo. It will be Emmy's first trip. We went to the botanical garden last week and had a great time.

I will write more about the state of things after my dad's visit. For now, here is the link to the news story.

http://www.ksdk.com/news/cover_story/cover_article.aspx?storyid=119222

Rubber Duckie You're the One....

you make bathtime lots of fun.... Okay now try to get that song out of your head. We recently begun to have fun with rubber duckie during bathtime.

Wow, Single Parents are Brave

I have a new found respect for single parents. Jeff is on a business trip which means I have no second shift relief. I figured how hard can it be, what is four more hours? Well, I can honestly say after doing it for two days I feel like I have run a marathon. It is hard work. Thank God she has been fairly calm and gone to bed with a minimum of crying. We had a fun day today, I met some friends for lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. We sat on the patio and it was lovely. The weather has been great the last two days which is so helpful, getting out makes a big difference. Then we came home and played. I think she is getting ready to roll over. I will roll her on to her side and then when gravity takes her the rest of the way she giggles with glee. There really is no better sound than her laugh. I hope to get it on video so that when she is 13 and tells me she hates me I can listen to that laugh and remember why I love her.

Here are some more photos from today's play session. Murphy got in on the action too.

And the Bottom Drops Out

So last Thursday was the hardest day I have had since I brought the baby home. I wasn't sure if I wanted to write about it for several reasons. One, I don't particularly like what I saw of myself that day, two, in hindsight it wasn't that bad. Then I realized that in the moment that day, it was that bad and I felt awful. So much of our society portrays motherhood as this idealized romantic emotionally fulfilling thing. On most days it is or can be all of that. There are days I love her so much it hurts. Then there are days I love her but I don't really like her. That sounds awful, even to me as I read it, but that is the truth and I can't help it.

The trouble is she wouldn't nap. She didn't want to even be put down and when I tried the sleep training method for naps she cried for 45 minutes. That is a really long time. In addition I was struggling to try and work on some projects and my printer wasn't working and the phone line was staticy and the sky was blue. It started to feel like everything was against me and there was no end in sight. Jeff called in the middle of all of this and I was just so mad at him. Actually no, I wasn't mad at him, I was mad and he was there. Why is it that we are the meanest to those who love us the most? Maybe because we can rest in the knowledge that no matter how awful we are they will forgive us.

Jeff came home and we managed to get her to be fairly calm and then we put her down for bed and she cried. She probably only cried for about 20 minutes but again, that feels like a day and a half when it comes at the end of a long day. At one point I went and sat in the car because it was the only place I couldn't hear her. The worst part about it is I wish I could tell you that I couldn't listen to her cry because it breaks my heart but at that point I couldn't listen to her cry because I wanted to throw things.

When I look back on it I know there are a couple of things that contributed to that day being so bad. Some of it is my personality, my anal nature makes failure and an inability to get things done very hard for me. I wish that would get better but I am not sure it will, I am working on it. Part of it is that the weather has been very cold which makes it hard to get out to get some fresh air and that is hard for me. A lot of it is that I was not able to take a step back and be still and know that God will get me through. The sermon in church on Sunday was about God's promises. It was very powerful to me because the pastor asked, why is it so hard for us to remember God's promises? It was humbling.

At the end of it all I only pray that next time a day like that comes along (and I am not foolish enough to think that it won't) I hope I can take a deep breath, pray for help, let myself be loved and remember what a blessing she is to me.

Opening Day

So I know I have been sort of quiet lately and that is mostly because life has not been quiet for us. My dad was here the weekend of the 18th for the baby dedication. We had a great visit. He and Nancy seemed to really enjoy the baby and she was good. Then that next week we had a little bit of a baby melt down. For some reason she started hysterically crying on Thursday night and then she did it again on Friday night. On top of that she didn't want to be laid down and she was up constantly throughout the night. I almost wish she had never slept through the night so early because then we would not know what we are missing. Now she sleeps through the night maybe two nights a week. The last two nights we have had better nights and have only woken up once, ate and went back to sleep relatively peacefully. I think the problem is that she is now aware enough of her surroundings to know when and how she is falling asleep. I am reading a sleep book by Dr. Richard Ferber that basically says if they fall asleep in your arms and then they wake up and they are not in your arms they will not be able to go back to sleep. He likens it to if you fell asleep each night in your bed and suddenly you woke up and you were in the living room and not only that but the door to your bedroom was locked. Well you would wake someone up to let you back in to your bedroom plus you would be ticked. Then you would start trying to stay awake to try and catch whoever is moving you to the living room. Wow, who knew it was this complicated. So now we are getting in to a better pattern and woking through it.

In happier news Sunday was opening day for the Cardinals. If it was like a holiday before it is like Christmas this year since we are the reigning world champions. We took the baby to the rally downtown and had some fresh air and sunshine before Jeff went on to the game and Emmy and I went home to watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition. A good time was had by all. I did apparently miss Emmy's debut on the jumbotron at the stadium. She appeared in a Hardee's in-game feature. Pretty fun stuff.

The Parents as Teachers lady is coming today, I fully expect her to tell me that my kid is a genius or at least she is cute. I always tell her it is better to be smart than pretty but lucky for her she is both.

Enjoy the pics...

My Girl is a Shopper

We went to the mall today for FOUR hours. Wow, it was a shopping extravaganza... unfotunately it was for Jeff. Oh well I was just excited to be in the mall. I can't type long because it is time for a certain bean to eat but here are some new photos for you all to feast your eyes on. She is so darn cute I can't stand it....

Poop Pee Farts and Boogers

What is a nice Christian girl like me doing talking about all of the previously mentioned bodily functions? Well I have a theory. Once you become a mom these things become such a routine part of your day that you no longer view them as taboo. (I never really viewed them as taboo to begin with probably because my mom loved to say the word fart. It pretty much made her laugh out loud every time she heard it.) Now though, I find myself having a conversation about at least one of these topics every day. Today I think I seriously offended some poor little old lady because I was walking through the soft drink aisle at Target saying "I heard you tooting in there miss Emelia Mae, you can't hide your toots from mommy." This is troublesome for two reasons, one I was talking to my three month old baby - aloud in Target and two I was talking about toots like I was talking about the weather. I thought it was pretty funny but the lady observing me seemed less than pleased about it.

I discuss Emmy's potty habits constantly, what color is her poop, what did it smell like etc. because you can actually tell a lot about your child's health by their bowel movements. Plus it just is what it is - poop is a regular part of my life, not to acknowledge it would be silly. So for all of my friends who have bodily function shyness I apologize for offending your sensibilities (Tina you know who you are...) but I can't help it. One day you too will know that you haven't really lived until you have sucked boogers out of your babies nose with a bulb syringe. The bigger the booger the more excited I get because it means all the works was not in vain.

All Night Long...

Ladies and gentlemen we have achieved a major milestone... Emelia Mae has slept through the night for the last six nights. Every night when we go to bed I think "she will wake up at 1:00 tonight I am just sure of it" but then she doesn't wake up until sometime between 5 and 7. It is so heavenly. I have even stopped waking up at 1:00, 3:00 and 5:00 waiting to hear her. I will say I have been having some crazy dreams with all of this continuous sleep.

We bought Emmy this new activity gym - ok so I bought it - I can't resist anything that says it will help her develop. I mean even if I screw her up, if she has enough developmental stuff, it will counteract my weirdness. She just loves it. This morning she spent 20 minutes on the floor kicking the beach ball rattle and staring at herself in the mirror. She just giggled and smiled at herself. Jeff thinks she was trying to tell "the other baby" how cool this new toy is. (We think when she sees herself in the mirror she thinks it is another good looking baby that has come to hang out with her.) I can't get over how much I love her and how much I enjoy being with her.

We have started to get in to a little bit of a routine of sorts, it is so great. I really don't think I have ever been this happy. God has blessed us so richly and I am so grateful. That isn't to say that there are not times that are stressful, like when she has a crying fit in Target at the check out counter, but overall things are good. It is ironic to me that I thought that with the reduction in income from me staying home we were going to have to give up some life's goodies. I don't miss a single one of them, at least not so far, and in fact I think right now we are really experiencing life's goodies for the first time. I have been to a lot of plays, concerts and sporting events; I have drank a lot of fancy cocktails in "hot" bars and eaten amazing food in five-star restaurants, but none of that fleeting happiness compares to the joy in my life right now.

Before I turn in to a complete mush-pot I will sign off...

A Good Night's Sleep

SO , we did it. Emmy slept for nine hours one night this week. I fed her at 7:30 and expected to get up around midnight to feed her again. Then 3:30 came and I bolted out of bed just certain that she was dead only to find her sleeping peacefully with that little baby snore. I went back to bed and she got up around 4:30. Can you believe it? She hasn't done it since, but we are getting longer and longer sleep stretches, 5-7 hours instead or 3-5.

I will write more soon, but I need to get some chores done because my friend Britt is coming and the bathroom needs to be cleaned before she gets here. (Britty if you are reading this I know you are saying don't be silly I don't care what the bathroom looks like, but I do so I will clean it.)

P.S. Thanks to everyone who was so supportive on Valentine's Day. I am now able to see that mom left this world on a day devoted to love so that I could remember her love each year on that day. I miss her terribly but I feel blessed to have had her as long as I did.

The Shot Heard Round the World

Okay so maybe it was only heard around St. Louis but I swear people in the next zip code over heard Emmy scream when she got her five, yes five, shots last night. It was awful. I cried when I saw the contorted look on her little face. It is so hard to watch someone hurt your child. I know these vaccines are a good thing but man after last night a part of me never wants her to have another one. Today she is so sleepy and cranky. Luckily the sleepy outweighs the cranky. When she is awake she is pissed but then she falls asleep and forgets how mad she is.

Confession...

I have spent the better part of today organizing and strategizing for my grocery shopping tomorrow. My friend found this web site called thegrocerygame.com which tells you where the best deals are and matches them with coupons from the paper and the internet. I am about to get me some 87 cent pop-tarts tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited! YOO HOO!

I asked Jeff last night if he is living the life he thought he would be. I mean he didn't marry a stay at home mommy. He married crazy ambitious career lady. I am not the same person I was even a year ago. Truthfully, I am so much happier now than I was then. I never knew that I would love being at home with the baby and organizing the house and grocery lists and what not as much as I do. Jeff said he is actually happier now too. He said that he feels like he is a priority in my life and that family and our lives together are the top thing in my life. I would have to agree, but how sad that for the last five years of our marriage he has felt in some small way like he was competing with my job. That makes me very sad. I am not sad about my past, not one bit of it, because it has taken being there to get to being here. It just makes me so grateful that I can turn my neurotic singlemindedness to something healthy.

Remind me to tell you about the miracle of breastfeeding tomorrow...

More Shots

Today is Emmy's 8-week check up. That means more vaccinations which sends a chill of terror down daddy's spine. (I think he hates the shots more than she does.) I can't believe it has been 8 weeks. I am still really enjoying being home with her. We are sort of getting in to a rhythm, but she does like to keep me on my toes. She has started to make all kinds of noise for about 20 minutes before she falls asleep. The trouble with this is that my adrenaline surges with each noise she makes because I think she is going to start crying. I should know better but I can't control my body's response. This to shall pass I assume. I am looking forward to the time when she sleeps through the night consistently. Now that is a word that every new parent should remove from their vocabulary because there is nothing consistent about babies. Last week she went for two six hour stretches. (I think she was just showing off because my friend Gina was in town.) Last night she went four hours and then five hours... none of this is cause for complaint, I am just saying there is no consistency which is a challenge for this timeline driven mom. If only I could put her childhood on a spreadsheet this would be so much more manageable. Alas, since I can't I will just enjoy the goodness that radiates from her sweet little face. We finally captured some smiles on camera, so here they are.







This is her singing in to her thumb. She does take after her mom. We are singing to Jesus Walks by Kanye West. Some parents play lullabyes, I prefer slightly contoversial, culturally relevant rap.

New Emmy Pics

She really is super cute see for yourself...


This is her "being a frog" as we call it on the daddy again...





This is her sleeping on daddy

Britney Spears Deserves a Break

No, not from the "no panty wearin-hangin with Paris-clubbin till all hours, while my child is at home issues of late, but from the "you are a bad mom because you tripped while holding your kid" issues. Here is why I can commiserate with Britney...

So last week I took the baby to Jeff's office because his boss was in town from California. When I got to his office building I changed her diaper in the public restroom in the lobby so I had her out of her car seat and then I put her back in the car seat to take her upstairs. We showed her off, everyone loved her and away I went. I was on my way to see my friend Korri who lives about 20 minutes from downtown. About five minutes after I started driving Emmy started to scream. I mean just wail at the top of her lungs. That is so not like her. The hardest she ever cries is in her car seat so I just thought this was a particularly unappealing car ride for her. I got to my friend's house and my nerves were a bit fragile from a 20 minute car ride with a screaming baby. I went to get her car seat out and she was all slumped over in the seat. I realized I had forgotten to restrap her in to the car seat before I left downtown. I was horrified. I got to Korri's front door and cried because I could have killed my child. I was so upset with myself. There is just so much to think about every time you go anywhere and the one step I missed was strapping her in. God was watching out for us - as there was a cop riding along side me the whole way to Korri's and I kept thinking man I wish that cop would get off so I can speed up, my child is screaming and all I want to do is get to where I am going. YIKES!

So after I got over feeling like the world's worst mom Korri convinced me that Emmy was fine and that it was a valuable lesson learned. Emmy rewarded me with a nice cuddle as if to say it's okay mom, just don't do it again.

I'm telling you, this mom thing is harder than it looks.

The Great Wal-Mart Adventure

So for my friends in California this post is going to make no sense because not only do we not go to Wal-Mart (can any of you tell me where the closest one is?) but we certainly don't get excited about going to Wal-Mart. But last week we had pretty bad weather, including an ice storm that left us without power again and really cold temps. Translation - no taking the baby outside. So I did not leave the house from Monday through Wednesday. I was getting a bit restless so my friend Lindsey and I packed up the babies and drove 25 miles to the nearest Super Wal-Mart to do our grocery shopping. IT WAS GREAT!!!! The women in the bakery told us both we looked to skinny to have babies that young - we bought some cupcakes from her to rectify that problem. We spent almost three hours there. It was like a trip to Disneyland for this cooped up mom. I saved 10 dollars in coupons and managed to get a cart full of groceries and household supplies for $156. YAHOO!!!

Then on Friday I went to the mall and had Starbucks, now we are really cookin! Then t top off my triumphant week Jeff took the first night feeding on Friday and Saturday night which meant six straight hours of sleep for me two nights in a row. I felt like a million bucks.

Wow, last week was a good week and this week is shaping up to be pretty good too. Emmy went six hours between feedings last night. That means we are working our way to sleeping through the night. Now that will be a gift from heaven. She has started smiling more and I think she may even be smiling at me. It is the cutest thing ever. She just gives this gummy grin. I will try to capture it with a picture.

Okay I have to run I need a bit more coffee before that next feeding.

The Day I Fell in Love with My Child

What I am about to write may leave people thinking I am a horrible person or a terrible mother or both, but yesterday I truly loved my child for the first time.

Now don't get me wrong, when she was born I loved her because that is what you are supposed to do. I have loved her passively for the last four weeks, but today I loved her on purpose because I wanted to and because I couldn't help myself.

This all sort of started the day before when I took Emmy to my office to meet my peeps. I went in and she, as usual, was super good. Everyone oohed and aahed over her and people held her and we talked a bit about what motherhood is like. The whole time I was there I realized very clearly that I did not miss it. I thought when I went in I would check email and maybe even check a few account things. I used my desk to change her diaper and that was about it. What that told me was that work has become fairly unimportant to me, at least for right now. I reserve the right to change my mind at any moment not excluding before I finish writing this post, but for now, I want to stay home. I don't mind working a little from home, but I do not want to put Emmy in a day care and go back to the nine to five thing.

Then on Thursday I was working on a project for work and Emmy was in her swing. She needed a diaper change so I took her in to the nursery and changed her diaper. Then I sat down with her and fed her and while I was feeding her I was reading something from my baby bible (Baby 411) about development. It said that the best thing you can do for your baby from birth to two months is hold her, read to her and talk to her. I realized how little I have done that. Jeff is very good about that. He "chats" with her every night when he gets home. I tend to get so caught up in just taking care of her that I don't actually spend much time playing with her. So I decided we would sing together. I put in a lullaby CD and we read a book and then we sang and as I was singing to her and holding her I was overwhelmed with love. As I sit her typing this I start to tear up. I just love that little baby so much and I want so many amazing things for her. I want her to be happy and I want her to feel safe and loved all the days of her life. I was aggressively loving her because I couldn't imagine not loving her and that is when I knew I was going to be okay.

I may not be the best mom and I may screw things up but me and Emmy will be just fine.

It was a profound day and I am so thankful for it.

Almost Four Weeks

So Emmy will be four weeks old on Sunday. I can't believe the time has gone so fast. It is sort of like pregnancy, the individual days seem pretty long but the actual weeks seem to go fast. I know that makes very little sense, but that is how it feels.

Things have been better this week. Jeff is back at work full time and it hasn't been bad at all. I have been setting small goals each day which makes me feel like I am getting something done. Emmy continues to be a very good baby. She hardly even cried at bath time this morning. If I can keep her warm she is fine. She basically thinks the bath is cool but being cold and wet when bath time is done sucks.

I have been getting out of the house some too. I went to Target with Emmy by myself for the first time and it went well. She fussed in the car seat a little at first but then slept all through Target or was quietly awake. We had a play date with my friend who's baby is one month older than Emmy yesterday. Okay so it was really more of a mommy playdate but it was really nice.

It is nice because I am able to get most of the household stuff done so that on the weekends Jeff can just concentrate on spending time with us.

It is hard to describe all of the feelings I feel right now. I love the bean very much and she is so good, but I also miss work a bit. I called in this week to tell some one about a new business opportunity and they asked me to help brainstorm for a new business pitch. I was thrilled and it worked out well. The bean basically slept on my shoulder the whole time I was on the phone.

I love being a mom and think I do have a knack for it. (Probably mostly because God blessed me with a good baby.) She is so sweet and she is starting to get fun too. Because I love lists so much following is a list of things I have learned about being a mom.

1. Shower when they sleep no matter what else you think you should be doing. A shower makes you feel like a million bucks.

2. The time to try a new feeding routine (new bottle, etc.) is not 11:00 p.m. (So far she likes to nurse the best but she will take a bottle of breast milk.)

3. Be aware that perspective is everything. I got a breast pump for Christmas, I was thrilled. Last year I got a trip to Jamaica. I was more excited about the pump.

4. Read the Happiest Baby on the Block. The five S's really work, I swear!

5. Love your coffee maker.

6. For all of my anal retentive schedule-based friends, your world will change and you will schedule in one hour chunks, as you go if you are lucky.

7. Accept help. Our church friends brought us meals every night for three weeks. It was such a blessing.

8. It is okay to want to have an identity other than mom. I do and I have accepted that. I just want a little bit of stimulation from the outside world. I don't want to work full time, just a few hours a week.

9. It is okay to want no other identity besides mom. Some of my friends don't want to work ever again. That is ok too.

10. Pray - I believe that it is the only thing that has gotten me through the last four weeks.

I hope everyone is doing well.