Sunday, January 28, 2007

New Emmy Pics

She really is super cute see for yourself...

This is her "being a frog" as we call it on the daddy again...

This is her sleeping on daddy

Britney Spears Deserves a Break

No, not from the "no panty wearin-hangin with Paris-clubbin till all hours, while my child is at home issues of late, but from the "you are a bad mom because you tripped while holding your kid" issues. Here is why I can commiserate with Britney...

So last week I took the baby to Jeff's office because his boss was in town from California. When I got to his office building I changed her diaper in the public restroom in the lobby so I had her out of her car seat and then I put her back in the car seat to take her upstairs. We showed her off, everyone loved her and away I went. I was on my way to see my friend Korri who lives about 20 minutes from downtown. About five minutes after I started driving Emmy started to scream. I mean just wail at the top of her lungs. That is so not like her. The hardest she ever cries is in her car seat so I just thought this was a particularly unappealing car ride for her. I got to my friend's house and my nerves were a bit fragile from a 20 minute car ride with a screaming baby. I went to get her car seat out and she was all slumped over in the seat. I realized I had forgotten to restrap her in to the car seat before I left downtown. I was horrified. I got to Korri's front door and cried because I could have killed my child. I was so upset with myself. There is just so much to think about every time you go anywhere and the one step I missed was strapping her in. God was watching out for us - as there was a cop riding along side me the whole way to Korri's and I kept thinking man I wish that cop would get off so I can speed up, my child is screaming and all I want to do is get to where I am going. YIKES!

So after I got over feeling like the world's worst mom Korri convinced me that Emmy was fine and that it was a valuable lesson learned. Emmy rewarded me with a nice cuddle as if to say it's okay mom, just don't do it again.

I'm telling you, this mom thing is harder than it looks.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The Great Wal-Mart Adventure

So for my friends in California this post is going to make no sense because not only do we not go to Wal-Mart (can any of you tell me where the closest one is?) but we certainly don't get excited about going to Wal-Mart. But last week we had pretty bad weather, including an ice storm that left us without power again and really cold temps. Translation - no taking the baby outside. So I did not leave the house from Monday through Wednesday. I was getting a bit restless so my friend Lindsey and I packed up the babies and drove 25 miles to the nearest Super Wal-Mart to do our grocery shopping. IT WAS GREAT!!!! The women in the bakery told us both we looked to skinny to have babies that young - we bought some cupcakes from her to rectify that problem. We spent almost three hours there. It was like a trip to Disneyland for this cooped up mom. I saved 10 dollars in coupons and managed to get a cart full of groceries and household supplies for $156. YAHOO!!!

Then on Friday I went to the mall and had Starbucks, now we are really cookin! Then t top off my triumphant week Jeff took the first night feeding on Friday and Saturday night which meant six straight hours of sleep for me two nights in a row. I felt like a million bucks.

Wow, last week was a good week and this week is shaping up to be pretty good too. Emmy went six hours between feedings last night. That means we are working our way to sleeping through the night. Now that will be a gift from heaven. She has started smiling more and I think she may even be smiling at me. It is the cutest thing ever. She just gives this gummy grin. I will try to capture it with a picture.

Okay I have to run I need a bit more coffee before that next feeding.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The Day I Fell in Love with My Child

What I am about to write may leave people thinking I am a horrible person or a terrible mother or both, but yesterday I truly loved my child for the first time.

Now don't get me wrong, when she was born I loved her because that is what you are supposed to do. I have loved her passively for the last four weeks, but today I loved her on purpose because I wanted to and because I couldn't help myself.

This all sort of started the day before when I took Emmy to my office to meet my peeps. I went in and she, as usual, was super good. Everyone oohed and aahed over her and people held her and we talked a bit about what motherhood is like. The whole time I was there I realized very clearly that I did not miss it. I thought when I went in I would check email and maybe even check a few account things. I used my desk to change her diaper and that was about it. What that told me was that work has become fairly unimportant to me, at least for right now. I reserve the right to change my mind at any moment not excluding before I finish writing this post, but for now, I want to stay home. I don't mind working a little from home, but I do not want to put Emmy in a day care and go back to the nine to five thing.

Then on Thursday I was working on a project for work and Emmy was in her swing. She needed a diaper change so I took her in to the nursery and changed her diaper. Then I sat down with her and fed her and while I was feeding her I was reading something from my baby bible (Baby 411) about development. It said that the best thing you can do for your baby from birth to two months is hold her, read to her and talk to her. I realized how little I have done that. Jeff is very good about that. He "chats" with her every night when he gets home. I tend to get so caught up in just taking care of her that I don't actually spend much time playing with her. So I decided we would sing together. I put in a lullaby CD and we read a book and then we sang and as I was singing to her and holding her I was overwhelmed with love. As I sit her typing this I start to tear up. I just love that little baby so much and I want so many amazing things for her. I want her to be happy and I want her to feel safe and loved all the days of her life. I was aggressively loving her because I couldn't imagine not loving her and that is when I knew I was going to be okay.

I may not be the best mom and I may screw things up but me and Emmy will be just fine.

It was a profound day and I am so thankful for it.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Almost Four Weeks

So Emmy will be four weeks old on Sunday. I can't believe the time has gone so fast. It is sort of like pregnancy, the individual days seem pretty long but the actual weeks seem to go fast. I know that makes very little sense, but that is how it feels.

Things have been better this week. Jeff is back at work full time and it hasn't been bad at all. I have been setting small goals each day which makes me feel like I am getting something done. Emmy continues to be a very good baby. She hardly even cried at bath time this morning. If I can keep her warm she is fine. She basically thinks the bath is cool but being cold and wet when bath time is done sucks.

I have been getting out of the house some too. I went to Target with Emmy by myself for the first time and it went well. She fussed in the car seat a little at first but then slept all through Target or was quietly awake. We had a play date with my friend who's baby is one month older than Emmy yesterday. Okay so it was really more of a mommy playdate but it was really nice.

It is nice because I am able to get most of the household stuff done so that on the weekends Jeff can just concentrate on spending time with us.

It is hard to describe all of the feelings I feel right now. I love the bean very much and she is so good, but I also miss work a bit. I called in this week to tell some one about a new business opportunity and they asked me to help brainstorm for a new business pitch. I was thrilled and it worked out well. The bean basically slept on my shoulder the whole time I was on the phone.

I love being a mom and think I do have a knack for it. (Probably mostly because God blessed me with a good baby.) She is so sweet and she is starting to get fun too. Because I love lists so much following is a list of things I have learned about being a mom.

1. Shower when they sleep no matter what else you think you should be doing. A shower makes you feel like a million bucks.

2. The time to try a new feeding routine (new bottle, etc.) is not 11:00 p.m. (So far she likes to nurse the best but she will take a bottle of breast milk.)

3. Be aware that perspective is everything. I got a breast pump for Christmas, I was thrilled. Last year I got a trip to Jamaica. I was more excited about the pump.

4. Read the Happiest Baby on the Block. The five S's really work, I swear!

5. Love your coffee maker.

6. For all of my anal retentive schedule-based friends, your world will change and you will schedule in one hour chunks, as you go if you are lucky.

7. Accept help. Our church friends brought us meals every night for three weeks. It was such a blessing.

8. It is okay to want to have an identity other than mom. I do and I have accepted that. I just want a little bit of stimulation from the outside world. I don't want to work full time, just a few hours a week.

9. It is okay to want no other identity besides mom. Some of my friends don't want to work ever again. That is ok too.

10. Pray - I believe that it is the only thing that has gotten me through the last four weeks.

I hope everyone is doing well.