Tuesday, February 26, 2008

The best husband

I really do have a great husband. For Valentine's day we decided not to get each other anything because money has been a little bit tight with paying two mortgages gas bills, etc. (We finally sold the house by the way - hooray!) So on Valentine's day he gave me a card with a note in it that said I needed to reserve the weekend of March 6-9. Well the other day he gave me the surprise. He has booked a weekend for us as a family in Minneapolis and he got me two prepaid Visa gift cards to spend at Mall of America. It was such a nice and thoughtful gift. We will get to see his sister and have time as a family and it will be nice because it has been a long time since I have bought anything for myself besides the occasional $6 clearance sweater at Target. I have already started making a list of the things I may buy with my gift card. He also got a gift card for the baby so I won't be tempted to spend my cards on her. (I do that a lot.)

In other news I scored at the resale shop - yes again. I have been looking for a Bounce and Spin Zebra ever since she rode it at a friend's house and loved it. I was ready to give in and buy a new one but it is really hard to spend $40 on a new toy. I found one at Once Upon a Child for $20. YAHOO!!! I wish I could find a good grown up resale shop. Maybe then I would wear something besides track suits.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Count your blessings

Howdy y'all, we are back from Texas and we had a great time. We did everything I wanted to do - hang out with good friends, go to Target and eat Chick-fil-A. The flights were so much better than I could have ever hoped for. God blessed us each step of the way. I often hear the phrase count your blessings, so I am going to...

1. I was able to have the car seat in a seat on each leg of the trip even though on my last (and longest) flight it meant an off-duty pilot sitting in the jump seat because the plane was completely full.

2. A really kind worker got me some milk for the baby so that I didn't have to try to stand in the really long line with a really short layover.

3. As I walked up to security in San Antonio they opened a new lane so there was no traffic trying to get through which was the only time I had to do it by myself.

4. The baby fussed for a total of about 20 minutes out of all of the flights. I sang her the theme to Elmo's World 50 times over and she calmed down but only as long as I was singing. Thank goodness we were sitting over the engines so my fellow flyers did not have to endure it.

5. We had a small delay in Dallas yesterday which allowed us time to get dinner, something I was concerned about.

6. Perfect strangers helped get my car seat on board on my two outbound flights.

7. Emelia charmed people every where we went which made people more compassionate toward our cause when we were boarding.

It really was great. Thank you for all of the prayers and tips. It turned out better than I could have hoped for. Since I failed to take the camera (big loser) I will have to post pictures when my friend sends me some.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Crazy Days

Yesterday I finally really felt better and went to the gym. An hour by myself out of the house felt like such a luxury. On the way home I realized that while I was sick I missed traffic school. CRAP!!!!! I called and they are going to be kind enough to let me make it up for another $98. Yuck, but what can I do. At least I won't have to take points on my license. Speaking of which I really need to get a Nebraska license. I will wait for a good hair day.

Speaking of good hair, Miss Thing had some serious bed head and I had to capture it on film. She also now enjoys playing peek a boo from behind the table, it is pretty darn cute.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Where is the Lysol?

So on Friday Jeff went back to work and on Friday night I came down with a stomach bug. Started with the vomiting then moved on through so I didn't know which end to take care of. UGH! I just kept praying that the baby would be fine but on Saturday morning she threw up all over Jeff four times. God love him everytime she threw up he immediately threw the offending item in to the laundry. I think we did six loads of wash with three things in each load. Her beloved blankie got washed each time. : )

By Sunday we had stopped throwing up but we were all still tired. Apparently though Em got too much daytime sleep because this morning she woke up at 5:00. UGH again! Right now I feel like a zombie but I am hoping if I pretend like it is a normal day it will be a normal day.

Today more than anything I miss my mom. I think it is because when I was sick I just wanted my mom. I wanted to call her and say come take care of me and the baby. Give Jeff a break and I know she would have, even if it meant driving six hours. February 14 is the anniversary of her death and so this time of year is tough. It is difficult to accept that she is gone and hard for me to believe that it has been three years. I still get weepy a lot and I would have thought that would have gone away by now but I think it won't ever go away until I get to heaven and God takes the tears. I don't have a very clear picture of exactly what heaven is like so sometimes I anthropomorphize it and imagine my mom drinking coffee with my grandparents. Coffeetime was a good time around the house. It meant a warm cup of coffee or pop in a coffee mug for me and home made cookies. When we went to visit my grandparents that is a memory that is very clear for me. Sometimes I have trouble because I can still so vividly see how she looked when she was sick. The last days were so bad and she was not herself. She couldn't remember her birthday or where she was. At one point I heard her rummaging about at 4:00 in the morning and God love her she had gotten up and gotten herself dressed because she was convinced she was going to breakfast with my Aunt Marlene. The days leading up to February 14 feel sort of like Holy week for me. Each day I remember another thing about the time before her death. Then when I think of her actual death it is more of a joy because at the end I prayed for God to take her home because I knew she would never be well again.

Mommy I miss you so much and I wish you could see our baby girl. She is just like you, full of life and ready to go at 6:00 in the morning. You would have loved her mommy, we watch Sesame Street just like we used to and I can finally understand how you could love me so much. I am sorry for the times I broke your heart like when I was sixteen and when I got the tatoo. I was right though, the nurses in the hospital never did say anything about it when I had my baby, there was no need for you to worry, not one of them thought I was a biker. I love you mommy and I can't wait to see you again.

Thursday, February 07, 2008


I am going to visit a friend in Texas and I am having terrible anxiety about taking Emelia on the plane. I didn't buy a seat for her because it was pretty expensive but I am hoping the plane is not full and they will let me put my carseat in a seat next to me. She is so active I am not sure how I am going to keep her on my lap. Does any one have any thoughts on this subject? Please pray for me. I know it is going to suck I just hope it doesn't suck too bad.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

What's worse

a husband with strep throat or 5 inches of snow? Poor Jeff is hardly ever sick but he came home yesterday just miserable and barely slept last night. Sent him to the doctor today and he came home with a "very positive" strep test and a prescription for the world's largest antibiotic. This means he is miserable and contagious so I have no baby backup. God bless Em she must have known and took a 2.5 hour nap today. Sweet baby girl is either thoughtful or on her way to getting sick. We will pretend she is thoughtful. Meanwhile it snowed all day yesterday which is no longer a big deal for me except when my dear husband can not shovel. I tried today but I pretty much suck at it.

I did busy myself during my snow day hanging new pictures. Here is my favorite one. This was taken at my friend's wedding and it captures the essence of our relationship.

Monday, February 04, 2008

I'm over it

I am done obsessing about the nap situation. It does no good and it makes me ugly to be around and not a good mommy. She will sleep when she sleeps, and if she doesn't we will do something else. The rest of the day will just need to be flexible until (if we ever do) get a handle on things.

Jeff said something to me yesterday that broke my heart. He said "it feels like I am as important as whether or not Emelia's clothes match." (We were late for church and I was deriding his choice of outfits for her instead of celebrating the fact that he dressed her at all.) Clearly I did not make the right choice in that situation. It is so easy for me to see now but in the moment it all feels so pressing and urgent. I think I am just a freak. We were talking about it and Jeff said try to focus on what is important and I said the problem is, to me everything is important. Then he made the comment about the matching clothes and I thought about how ridiculous that sounds.

I just pray that God will help me get past this perfect phase I am in and help me remember that the dishes are not as important as playtime. My relationship with my aerobics instructor is not as important as my relationship with my husband. My success in the eyes of others is not as important as my success in the eyes of my heavenly father.

Friday, February 01, 2008

To Nap or not to nap

I will tell you that for me the hardest part of being a mom is the change of routine. You see I am fairly type A, in the same way that the north pole is fairly cold. Because of that I like routine and so does my child. The last month or so has been a real trick because naptime and the delightful routine that went with it is gone. You see, she used to nap at 9:45 for an hour sometimes more and then again at 2:45 for about 45 minutes. Then she stopped wanting to go down for the afternoon nap or she just sat in her crib and talked to herself then worked up to crying until I came and got her. So I thought okay, maybe she is ready to transition to one nap. I tried moving her morning nap back in fifteen minute increments the way the book said and it seemed to be working for about two days. Then she didn't want to go down for a nap at all. So I have been struggling to figure it out and typically getting one 45 minute to hour long nap a day if I am lucky. In the meantime she is pretty fussy in the morning while I am at the gym. It is hard to know if that is because I am leaving her with childcare or what. i have often thought I should try to go back to a two nap schedule but then I say " nope, not going backwards." Well yesterday I gave in.

She fell asleep on the way home from the gym and so I drove downtown to meet Jeff for lunch so she got in an hour there. Then I put her down around 2:30 and she slept for about an hour. This morning I put her down at 9:30 and she slept for almost an hour and a half. I tried putting her down this afternoon and was unsuccessful, I tried again right now and she is till upstairs crying, we will see how long that lasts. I know she is tired as she fell asleep while I was reading to her but then cried as soon as I put her in the crib. UGH! The worst part is just not knowing what is the right thing for her. I suppose one day the worst thing will be knowing what the right thing for her is and having to watch as she does something different.