Usually when we move I have a melt down sometime in the first three months after we move. Usually it comes at a time when I am frustrated by something I can't find which triggers a "why did we move here" moment which is typically followed by a "I don't have any friends" moment. The whole thing usually culminates in a phone call to Jeff where I talk about how much I "hate it here" and he feels bad then I feel bad and then I cry and then we talk it through and that is that. (I tend toward the dramatic and I have no internal processor for my feelings which is a terrible combination.)
The thing is, I like it here, a lot. I like Batavia, I like our house. The people have been amazingly nice. The Target pharmacist called the other day to see how Sam was doing with his antibiotic. The Target pharmacist in Omaha never made that call. The urgent care doctor called today to see how I was feeling after seeing me in ten minutes flat yesterday. I mean really? And yet, I can feel the melt down coming on. Maybe it is less of a melt down and more of a softening, like when you leave butter out for a recipe, it still holds it's shape, but subject it to the pressure of a hand mixer and it turns in to a lump.
Jeff is out of town and Sam has been sick and then I got sick and now it is snowing. None of this is extraordinary but combined it just makes me long for people. People that really know me. Not the moms at preschool that I comb my hair for or the ladies from Bible study that I chew gum to hide my coffee breath from, but real friends who laugh when I tell them I have not brushed my teeth today and commiserate when I tell them the sound of my son following me around yelling "maaaa" makes me feel like I am being chased by a deranged billy goat. I am tired and PMSed and still a little sick and well, I want my mommy
I am trying to stave off the melt down wish me luck. Now back to my billy goat, my baby girl some popcorn and Cars.
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4 comments:
E, even when you're "softening", you make me laugh out loud. You remind me of Ryan in a great way because you both come up with those kinds of fantastic analogies that help me get the picture so much better.
Random fact to remember: You and Jeff and God make really, really cute deranged billy goats. And they could care less if you comb your hair, and they would prefer that you give THEM the gum and stick with your coffee breath, so long as they have the gum.
But still. I often want my mommy too. I was telling Ryan the other night how much I enjoy being cradled. I'm serious. Yes, I'm sad!
Love you much and am praying for you every day this week. Hope you feel better, and SEE YOU SOON, friend!
I think you need to add a glass of wine with that popcorn...
been there, it's awful. let it come and let the tears flow. sadly there is no escaping it. on the upside after you pass that point it does seem to get better.
wish i could be there and not brush my teeth with you.
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