Already Struggling

This is the first official weekend of the MBA program.  Jeff has already been to ND for one week at the beginning of the month but this is the first of the "every other weekend" thing.  I am already struggling.  I have this awful feeling of why are we doing this.  In the past whenever we have embarked on something really difficult (by choice) it has been with a very tangible outcome to look forward to.  The best comparison I have is moving.  The trouble with this whole MBA thing is I can not see what the outcome is other than some serious student loans and a piece of paper.  If I am objective (tough at this moment) then I can see that it offers Jeff more options for advancement in the future and makes him more marketable.  Great, then, tough to "look forward to" right now. 

Jeff left Friday morning at 5:45 am and will probably be home around 6:30 Saturday.  In the mean time Emelia is sick and "wants her daddy" and woke up multiple times last night.  It just stinks.  I want to be supportive and I know that I am being selfish.  Unfortunately that knowledge does not stop the feelings of what is in this for me or our family?  It sounds terrible even as I write it.  I want to not feel that way.  The only thing I can do is pray about it and work on it.  Maybe once we are "used" to it it will not be so bad.  Maybe when it is spring or summer it will not be so bad.  I miss Jeff but mostly I miss our daddy because he is a bigger help than I often give him credit for.

I really do want to not be this way and I am trying to not let my feeling cloud my behavior.  It is not like Jeff loves being away from his family, I know that to be true.  Maybe that is what I need to focus on.  What do I know to be true about the situation?

1. Jeff loves us and would not do this if he did not think it was in the best interest of our family.
2. Jeff does not enjoy being away from us and will not ever be away more than he feels is necessary.
3. Jeff is also struggling with this situation and is trying to find his footing.
4. We are a family that was created by God and He put this opportunity in Jeff's path and after praying about it we decided this was what God wanted for us so if I believe it is God's will than it should be my will as well.
5. I love Jeff and he loves me and he works hard for our family both at work and at home.

What is not a lie that I am telling myself?
1. Jeff doesn't care about me.
2. This is more than I can handle.
3. This is selfish of Jeff.
4. Jeff is off gallivanting all over downtown Chicago getting smarter as I sit home with the kids getting dumber by the minute.
5. There is nothing in this for me or the kids except sacrifice.

I recently heard a message by Andy Stanley and he said giving something up now for something better in the future is not a sacrifice, it is an investment.  I will choose to look at this as an investment in Jeff and our future.  Here's hoping I can talk myself out of the lies and in to the truth.