Thursday, July 17, 2008

Parenting Lessons

This week I am getting yet another lesson in parenting taught by professor Emelia Mae. As a child grows they are continuously going through new phases. When they are in a tough phase you console yourself with the mantra that this too shall pass. The tough thing for me is that wen she is in a good phase I settle in to it like a pair of old slippers. I start to subconsciously think look at how nice this is, I must be a good parent look at how good she is. Then when she leaves that phase behind in favor of the "NO!!!!" phase it crushes my spirit. That is the only way I can describe how I have been feeling this week.

Last week she was saying please and thank you without being prompted and coming up to give spontaneous hugs. This week she is yelling "No!" at the top of her lungs to most requests. We are in a power struggle right now and I fear I may be losing. I am trying desperately to stay calm, be consistent and measure out praise and time outs with authority but I still feel like I am sucking at this. You see that is the hard part for me. I am used to being pretty good at things. Don't get me wrong there are definitely things I am not good at but for the most part I know my limitations and I avoid those things. I have never felt so completely inept in my entire life. I feel like I have no knowledge in this area and worse yet I have nothing to compensate for it. You see I worked for a client most of my life and there were certainly times when I didn't know the answer but I could usually rely on wit or charm or some bs memo to smooth the waters until I could figure things out. The Bible is right "charm is fleeting" because it certainly doesn't work on Emelia unless it is coming from ELMO. It is really hard to spend your day feeling inadequate and then to go to bed knowing tomorrow is going to be the same way.

I was really struggling at the beginning of the week but God has graciously provided other mothers to help me along the way. I had a minor melt down at my women's Bible study this week and instead of feeling judged or silly I felt embraced and comforted knowing every other mom there fessed up to having similar feelings. I also went to the library and checked out 8 books on parenting. From what I have read it seem like t his is a tough age, you may have heard of it, "the terrible twos". Yes, it seems as though we have landed smack dab in the middle of budding independence. I will try really hard to learn form this time and know that it will pass. She isn't going to be my baby forever and I will try to just enjoy the cuddling I get because I know when she does this again at 13 the cuddles will be few and far between.

4 comments:

Courtney said...

I don't know if it's one of the ones you got, but I highly recommend Raising Godly Tomatoes!

Michael C said...

You have no idea how truthful your last few sentences were. I've taken the twins growing up very hard. I'm proud of them but miss that they aren't my lil babies anymore.

I'm glad you have other women/moms and bible study to turn to when the parenting gets a little rough.

Hang in there E!!

Michael C said...

And the answer is 'yes, I will keep coming back and commenting on this post until you get a new post up.'

;-)

Have a fun and blessed Wednesday.

EMTWench said...

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. Not because of the hard times that the normal "pulling away" process that is childhood is giving you, but becuase of your very well-written and anecdotally amusing posts! I'm glad I found your blog through The Wonderful World of Nothing.

Emelia is going through the same thing that our friends' three-year-old boy is going through. The ugly discovery of his ability to say "NO!", how to hit and throw things - and, my personal favourite, how to throw tantrums. That is staggering. I'd no idea how much sheer screaming power one small child could possess and hold onto for extended periods!

That's when my husband tunrs to me and whispers, "How could you not want one of these?"

The natural response is, "I already have one."

I clean up after him and he consistently makes the same mess all the time. It is a small (very small) fraction of what you and my friends are going through, but it is enough for me!

Stay strong. You still have the car keys!