The best husband

I really do have a great husband. For Valentine's day we decided not to get each other anything because money has been a little bit tight with paying two mortgages gas bills, etc. (We finally sold the house by the way - hooray!) So on Valentine's day he gave me a card with a note in it that said I needed to reserve the weekend of March 6-9. Well the other day he gave me the surprise. He has booked a weekend for us as a family in Minneapolis and he got me two prepaid Visa gift cards to spend at Mall of America. It was such a nice and thoughtful gift. We will get to see his sister and have time as a family and it will be nice because it has been a long time since I have bought anything for myself besides the occasional $6 clearance sweater at Target. I have already started making a list of the things I may buy with my gift card. He also got a gift card for the baby so I won't be tempted to spend my cards on her. (I do that a lot.)

In other news I scored at the resale shop - yes again. I have been looking for a Bounce and Spin Zebra ever since she rode it at a friend's house and loved it. I was ready to give in and buy a new one but it is really hard to spend $40 on a new toy. I found one at Once Upon a Child for $20. YAHOO!!! I wish I could find a good grown up resale shop. Maybe then I would wear something besides track suits.

Count your blessings

Howdy y'all, we are back from Texas and we had a great time. We did everything I wanted to do - hang out with good friends, go to Target and eat Chick-fil-A. The flights were so much better than I could have ever hoped for. God blessed us each step of the way. I often hear the phrase count your blessings, so I am going to...

1. I was able to have the car seat in a seat on each leg of the trip even though on my last (and longest) flight it meant an off-duty pilot sitting in the jump seat because the plane was completely full.

2. A really kind worker got me some milk for the baby so that I didn't have to try to stand in the really long line with a really short layover.

3. As I walked up to security in San Antonio they opened a new lane so there was no traffic trying to get through which was the only time I had to do it by myself.

4. The baby fussed for a total of about 20 minutes out of all of the flights. I sang her the theme to Elmo's World 50 times over and she calmed down but only as long as I was singing. Thank goodness we were sitting over the engines so my fellow flyers did not have to endure it.

5. We had a small delay in Dallas yesterday which allowed us time to get dinner, something I was concerned about.

6. Perfect strangers helped get my car seat on board on my two outbound flights.

7. Emelia charmed people every where we went which made people more compassionate toward our cause when we were boarding.

It really was great. Thank you for all of the prayers and tips. It turned out better than I could have hoped for. Since I failed to take the camera (big loser) I will have to post pictures when my friend sends me some.

Crazy Days

Yesterday I finally really felt better and went to the gym. An hour by myself out of the house felt like such a luxury. On the way home I realized that while I was sick I missed traffic school. CRAP!!!!! I called and they are going to be kind enough to let me make it up for another $98. Yuck, but what can I do. At least I won't have to take points on my license. Speaking of which I really need to get a Nebraska license. I will wait for a good hair day.

Speaking of good hair, Miss Thing had some serious bed head and I had to capture it on film. She also now enjoys playing peek a boo from behind the table, it is pretty darn cute.

Where is the Lysol?

So on Friday Jeff went back to work and on Friday night I came down with a stomach bug. Started with the vomiting then moved on through so I didn't know which end to take care of. UGH! I just kept praying that the baby would be fine but on Saturday morning she threw up all over Jeff four times. God love him everytime she threw up he immediately threw the offending item in to the laundry. I think we did six loads of wash with three things in each load. Her beloved blankie got washed each time. : )

By Sunday we had stopped throwing up but we were all still tired. Apparently though Em got too much daytime sleep because this morning she woke up at 5:00. UGH again! Right now I feel like a zombie but I am hoping if I pretend like it is a normal day it will be a normal day.

Today more than anything I miss my mom. I think it is because when I was sick I just wanted my mom. I wanted to call her and say come take care of me and the baby. Give Jeff a break and I know she would have, even if it meant driving six hours. February 14 is the anniversary of her death and so this time of year is tough. It is difficult to accept that she is gone and hard for me to believe that it has been three years. I still get weepy a lot and I would have thought that would have gone away by now but I think it won't ever go away until I get to heaven and God takes the tears. I don't have a very clear picture of exactly what heaven is like so sometimes I anthropomorphize it and imagine my mom drinking coffee with my grandparents. Coffeetime was a good time around the house. It meant a warm cup of coffee or pop in a coffee mug for me and home made cookies. When we went to visit my grandparents that is a memory that is very clear for me. Sometimes I have trouble because I can still so vividly see how she looked when she was sick. The last days were so bad and she was not herself. She couldn't remember her birthday or where she was. At one point I heard her rummaging about at 4:00 in the morning and God love her she had gotten up and gotten herself dressed because she was convinced she was going to breakfast with my Aunt Marlene. The days leading up to February 14 feel sort of like Holy week for me. Each day I remember another thing about the time before her death. Then when I think of her actual death it is more of a joy because at the end I prayed for God to take her home because I knew she would never be well again.

Mommy I miss you so much and I wish you could see our baby girl. She is just like you, full of life and ready to go at 6:00 in the morning. You would have loved her mommy, we watch Sesame Street just like we used to and I can finally understand how you could love me so much. I am sorry for the times I broke your heart like when I was sixteen and when I got the tatoo. I was right though, the nurses in the hospital never did say anything about it when I had my baby, there was no need for you to worry, not one of them thought I was a biker. I love you mommy and I can't wait to see you again.

Anxiety

I am going to visit a friend in Texas and I am having terrible anxiety about taking Emelia on the plane. I didn't buy a seat for her because it was pretty expensive but I am hoping the plane is not full and they will let me put my carseat in a seat next to me. She is so active I am not sure how I am going to keep her on my lap. Does any one have any thoughts on this subject? Please pray for me. I know it is going to suck I just hope it doesn't suck too bad.

What's worse

a husband with strep throat or 5 inches of snow? Poor Jeff is hardly ever sick but he came home yesterday just miserable and barely slept last night. Sent him to the doctor today and he came home with a "very positive" strep test and a prescription for the world's largest antibiotic. This means he is miserable and contagious so I have no baby backup. God bless Em she must have known and took a 2.5 hour nap today. Sweet baby girl is either thoughtful or on her way to getting sick. We will pretend she is thoughtful. Meanwhile it snowed all day yesterday which is no longer a big deal for me except when my dear husband can not shovel. I tried today but I pretty much suck at it.

I did busy myself during my snow day hanging new pictures. Here is my favorite one. This was taken at my friend's wedding and it captures the essence of our relationship.

I'm over it

I am done obsessing about the nap situation. It does no good and it makes me ugly to be around and not a good mommy. She will sleep when she sleeps, and if she doesn't we will do something else. The rest of the day will just need to be flexible until (if we ever do) get a handle on things.

Jeff said something to me yesterday that broke my heart. He said "it feels like I am as important as whether or not Emelia's clothes match." (We were late for church and I was deriding his choice of outfits for her instead of celebrating the fact that he dressed her at all.) Clearly I did not make the right choice in that situation. It is so easy for me to see now but in the moment it all feels so pressing and urgent. I think I am just a freak. We were talking about it and Jeff said try to focus on what is important and I said the problem is, to me everything is important. Then he made the comment about the matching clothes and I thought about how ridiculous that sounds.

I just pray that God will help me get past this perfect phase I am in and help me remember that the dishes are not as important as playtime. My relationship with my aerobics instructor is not as important as my relationship with my husband. My success in the eyes of others is not as important as my success in the eyes of my heavenly father.

To Nap or not to nap

I will tell you that for me the hardest part of being a mom is the change of routine. You see I am fairly type A, in the same way that the north pole is fairly cold. Because of that I like routine and so does my child. The last month or so has been a real trick because naptime and the delightful routine that went with it is gone. You see, she used to nap at 9:45 for an hour sometimes more and then again at 2:45 for about 45 minutes. Then she stopped wanting to go down for the afternoon nap or she just sat in her crib and talked to herself then worked up to crying until I came and got her. So I thought okay, maybe she is ready to transition to one nap. I tried moving her morning nap back in fifteen minute increments the way the book said and it seemed to be working for about two days. Then she didn't want to go down for a nap at all. So I have been struggling to figure it out and typically getting one 45 minute to hour long nap a day if I am lucky. In the meantime she is pretty fussy in the morning while I am at the gym. It is hard to know if that is because I am leaving her with childcare or what. i have often thought I should try to go back to a two nap schedule but then I say " nope, not going backwards." Well yesterday I gave in.

She fell asleep on the way home from the gym and so I drove downtown to meet Jeff for lunch so she got in an hour there. Then I put her down around 2:30 and she slept for about an hour. This morning I put her down at 9:30 and she slept for almost an hour and a half. I tried putting her down this afternoon and was unsuccessful, I tried again right now and she is till upstairs crying, we will see how long that lasts. I know she is tired as she fell asleep while I was reading to her but then cried as soon as I put her in the crib. UGH! The worst part is just not knowing what is the right thing for her. I suppose one day the worst thing will be knowing what the right thing for her is and having to watch as she does something different.

Omaha is not that bad

I have only just begun to watch the Omaha auditions on American Idol and I looked at Jeff and said, " no one is ever going to come visit us."

CHOICE

Ok, disclaimer, I have a lot of stuff rattling around inside my head and maybe 20 more minutes of nap to get it out. My spelling may be bad - it is actually my typing, I am a great speller and my grammar may be worse but this is important for me to put out there so you all can keep me accountable and I can come back and review.

I have had a very insightful weekend. I went to a women's conference at a church here with some friends and I learned a lot. Oddly enough what I learned was about men, mainly my husband but probably all men. I learned that my words are the most powerful device I have. Women in our society often grow up believing sex is their best weapon. Through no fault of my parents I certainly did and frankly it turned in to a weapon of mass desturction for me. In all actuality though our words are far more powerful than any of that craziness. Men want to be respected and my husband is no exception and yet so often I don't respect Jeff. Not because I don't actually respect him and not because I mean to be disrespectful, but mostly because I am frustrated about (fill in the balnk) and I need someone to take it out on and he is there. The baby and the dog have sometimes taken this role too but they are not as good since they don't talk back.

As I started to process what the speaker was saying the word choice came up a lot. She talked about choosing to see a disagreement not as right and wrong but simply a difference of opinion. At one point a women got up and asked what I was thinking. "Okay I get what you are saying, but what if he really is wrong?" I am known to be pretty stubborn and to almost always think my way is right which in turn means that every other way must be wrong. The speaker said that 95% of the time if you can take a step back and choose not to go down the path of right vs. wrong you will see it is just a different way of looking at something or doing something. That is so true especially for me. Usually the outcome I want to see is the same wether we use my way or Jeff's, but again, my way is right.

Not anymore.

The word choice played over and over again in my head and I realized that all of life is a choice. I have made some great choices - God, Jeff, all my friends, those awesome black and pink cowboy boots in 10th grade. I have also made some awful choices - alcohol, boys, the cut off jean shorts I wore with the awsome cowboy boots and mostly bitterness. If I choose to flip my perspectiive and keep hold of my blessings then the hostility can not take over. Yes we moved and yes it is cold and yes I have sad days but by and large I am tremendously blessed. It really is true that God times of trial t perfect your faith and teach perseverance, because honestly the time that my blessings were the clearest were in the days after my mother dies. When she died a part of me died and I missed her more than I can adequately express, I still do really, but I knew one day I would see her again and when I did she would have hair and she wouldn't be sick and we could eat french fries again. So if in the hardest days of my life I could find blessing then why can't I find it now? The answer is because I am choosing not to. I am choosing to give in to fear, doubt and self-pity.

Not anymore.

So I made myself an acronym because I like an acronym almost as much as I like a list. It is probably a little hoakie, but when things feel tense I can hear it in my head and hopefully I will make betters choices.

C -Capture
H - Hostility
O - Offer
I - Instead
C - Christ's
E - Endless Grace

If God can offer me grace after the countless bad choices I have made then I can certainly offer a sliver of grace to the people I love and care about.

Then Sunday came, yes all of this came bursting forth in one day. On Sunday we went back to the first chrch we had tried and I felt it. I felt that gentle vibration where my whole body says yes this is it. God took me to the other churches so I could find Holly and Stephanie and the gang that make me feel like a good mom and a real person. The sermon on Sunday was about the passage where Jesus washes the feet of the disciples. Jesus came to serve not to be served and then it hit me. I have been looking at a church and saying what does this church have to offer me? Are there women's ministries and mom activities and what about Jeff is their men's ministry thriving? What I should have been asking is what do I have for this church. Can my God given gifts have an impact at this church? God is funny like that. One day, one sermon and it all turns around.

God is good and I am thankful for the choices He gives me. I pray each day for the grace to make a better choice than I made the day before.

I just called to say I love you

at least I would if my phone was not dead and completely unresponsive to the charger. Devastated, that is the only word I can use to describe my feelings about it. My cell phone houses everyone's phone numbers and addresses. It also allows me to play solitaire while my child naps in a parking lot because she fell asleep on the way to or from somewhere. I have another cell phone I can use so I thought it would not be terrible because I figured I would just pop my SIM card in to the new phone and all of my info would come up. I was mistaken. I don't know why or if it is fixable and I am not certain what the solution is yet (short of asking everyone for their phone numbers and addresses but I refuse to think about inputting all of that all over again. Right now I am just in mourning for my phone. I really has a relationship with that phone. This weekend I may take it to Cingular and see if someone can revive it, I love it that much.

No really, naps are for sissies

The Mochal house has been very busy. Jeff had a men's conference at church Friday evening and Saturday day. Then I had a friend in town Sunday and Monday and now we are settling back in to our normal routine - with one minor but important exception. We are not napping. I know you all must get tired of reading about my non-napping child. It is just so frustrating. You can be cruising along happily with somewhat of a routine intact and then wham, no routine, no nap, no sanity.

On the positive side, I had a great visit with my friend Korri. It was so nice to hang out with her and her daughter. I also got a great lamp at Hobby Lobby for $13 - and it came with a light bulb. I also took a water aerobics class today which was really fun. It was hard work. I was the youngest person in the class but it was nice because the teacher gives you three exertion levels so grandma Bea can take it easy and I can work harder in the hopes of looking good in my friends wedding.

Oh and another REALLY positive, I think we have sold the house in St. Louis and should be ready to close the book on that house. WOO HOO!!! I am not going to think to much about it until we sign the papers but then I will tell you all about it.


Okay, she looks tired, I am going to try some Elmo magic and see if she will sleep. Wish me well.

Here are some photos of the "no it is fine that I am not napping, who needs to nap?" face

The power of being positive

So I saw this story on the Today Show about complaining and how it can be detrimental to your health and a variety of other things. Apparently just by being positive you can keep wrinkles away, live longer and be happier.

I just called about traffic school and it is only $98 and four hours! Woo Hoo!!!!!!! What a happy ending to my sobbing speeding ticket.

My forehead feels smoother already!

Waiting for tomorrow to come

So yesterday was a pretty bad day. It started with not being able to sleep so I think I got maybe five hours of sleep. I know some people can be fine on that, I, however, am not one of them. Then I had to go to the Dr. and I took the baby with me. It was awful, she wouldn't sit still in the stroller and then she howled if I wasn't holding her. It was just bad. We finished at the Dr. and I decided to go to the gym. I knew we would be a bit off schedule but I thought it would be fine. I dropped her off, she didn't cry, I did a great 30 minute cardio workout and life was good. Normally I give her a pretzel when I pick her up to keep her awake in the car and hold her hunger off until we get home for lunch. Well I didn't have any pretzels and when I offered her a graham cracker she began to wail. She was screaming when I put her in the car and I thought if I can just get her home and feed her she will be fine. Apparently I was too overzealous and I was speeding. I got a ticket. God bless the officer, when he came to my window the baby is howling, I am sobbing and the car smells like sweaty gym mom. He wrote the ticket for a lesser speed so I can at least go to traffic school. UGH!!

After all that I got home gave Em lunch and tried to put her down for a nap. She was not having it. After half an hour I got her up and we both took a bath and put on our pajamas. We played and then I tried again. Again she wailed for half an hour but then miraculously she fell asleep - for 20 minutes. Through God's grace alone she was not crazy the rest of the day. She sat on my lap and we watched High School Musical 2 and ate the beloved pretzels. Mostly I just wanted to stay on the couch until it was a new day.

Today is a new day, she slept until 7:20 and seems to be in a good mood. We will try it all again today.

I am woman hear me roar

I am too handy to ignore. Sing along, everyone! I have handywoman high right now. Handywoman high is defined as the euphoria associated with a completed home improvement project. I just hung shelves and they look good, not great, but good. You see, neither Jeff nor I are particularly handy. When we were putting the house on the market in St. Louis though, I got adventurous, mostly because I was cheap. We had a handyman come out and give us an estimate for a laundry list of things. I started doing some research and tried a few things on my own. I figured the worst that could happen was that the handyman had to come and fix my mistake so I went for it. I changed a three-way light switch, replaced a GFI outlet in the backyard, removed a ceiling fan and put in a light fixture and replaced the fixtures in the bathroom, thus saving us about $800. Then we moved in to this house and I got timid. I think because it is new and everything looked so shiny and I was scared to mess things up. Things like hanging curtain rods became a nightmare I avoided.

But as I was finishing putting the living room together, all that was left was hanging the shelves. So yesterday I went to Home Depot and bought a drill and was ready to finish the job. The bummer was the drill had to charge overnight. Rats! Jeff was going to help me when he got home from work but I got impatient and did it myself. (I know that sounds so weird, I am normally so patient - NOT!) Oh I am soooooooo pleased.

The recipe that will save your life

Ok well maybe that is a bit dramatic, but I heart this recipe. It is tortilla soup and I originally got it from Korri and have made some modifications mostly because I used what I had one night and it turned out great. I literally open the cans and poor them in to the pot and let it simmer until Jeff gets home. Even Em likes it!
Tortilla Soup
1 large can chicken-drain this and break up the chicken chunks
1 32 oz. can/box of chicken broth
1 can Rotel
1 can black beans (don't drain them it adds to the taste but be prepared the soup is sort of a purple color because of it)
1 can Northern beans - drain those
1 can mexican style stewed tomatoes
2 tsp. parsley
1 small onion diced (I don't like onions so I skip this one)

simmer until onion is tender , serve over crushed tortilla chips and mexican style cheese or any cheese will do.

I know some of you don't like meat in a can , Lindsey, so you can use regular chicken but it isn't as fast or easy. I use mild Rotel. but you can dial up the spice with regular or hot. If you don't like chunky tomatoes, like my husband, then use a slotted spoon to remove the actual tomatoes or I supposed you could skip that ingredient but I have a hard time not following recipes - yes, I am that anal. Enjoy!

The Gym

I joined a new gym, one that has childcare during the hours my child is awake, and today I went. Em took a short 30 minute nap this morning and I wasn't going to go but I stood my ground and I went. I dropped her off in the nursery and she cried as soon as we walked through the door. Then she cried even harder as I left. God bless the girls working there because they said, "oh she'll be fine, have a good work out." I left and proceeded to cry. It makes me want to throw up when she cries because of something I am doing. I know in my head that she will be fine and that it is good for her to be around other kids and that it is good for me to go to the gym, but still, it sucked. I got over it though when I spent 45 blissful minutes on the treadmill. I like working out, my problem is always getting there, I can find 59 other things to do, but once I am there I am good. It was a good thing to get me out of the house without another trip to Target to buy crap I don't need and can't afford.

Ugh, miss thing is awake from the nap I put her down for 25 minutes ago. I am not convinced she slept. What's the deal?

The beauty of a shower

I have to say, I have never been one of those people who claims not to be able to shower because of my child. If I don't shower it is usually because I chose to do something else instead like clean the bathroom or empty the dishwasher. I have always managed okay, mostly because I take quick showers and I don't wash my hair everyday because it is really dry. I will say though that there is a difference between a shower and a SHOWER. If I take a shower while she naps then I can take a "long, hot, shave my legs and use the body scrub shower" and man, it is excellent. Then I can actually blow dry my hair and use a straightener - for those of you who knew me back in my perm years you know that I have just recently adopted a straightener because I believe the bigger your hair is the smaller your waist looks. I digress, but anyway I love that clean, exfoliated, moisturized feeling. I will spend the next ten minutes reveling in it until I return to my normal smell of peanut butter and baby wipes.

The Goods from the Goodwill

This is the perfectly petit pink coat for my friend Thuy!



I heart this mirror and it was $3.99! Please see a frame that looks just like it featured in O magazine "http://www2.oprah.com/presents/oathome/200711/winter/winter_holiday_101.jhtml


This is a tray from a thrift store - $2, filler from Target and the cherub is a Christmas ornament that was 90% off so it cost me a whopping 39 cents - fun huh?


This is a pair of pears from the Goodwill - $8.00, filler and candles bring the total to $20

Toddlers are bipolar

So exactly one minute ago Emelia was on the floor crying because, well, I have no idea why, but I am sure it has something to do with what I did or did not do. Now she is happily putting balls back in to the ballpopper. I did nothing in between. I decided that she was clean, safe and well fed therefore I was going to ignore the tantrum. I am not sure if it was the right thing to do but I did it anyway. Note to self, find a book that deals with toddler behavior. Oh my, let's see what else today brings...