spoke to soon

So I think I wrote about our"banner week" on Thursday night and then this is what happened on Friday...


I had a plan, as I usually do, so I felt good when I left the house. The idea was to go to the gym, pick the kids up from childcare, hit Walmart for groceries and end up at McDonalds for lunch in time to feed Samuel. I went to the gym, picked the kids up from childcare (so far so good) and the girls said Sam was just starting to get fussy. I decided I would let Emelia have a snack at the gym snack bar, feed Sam and then go to Walmart hoping maybe after he was fed (early) he would nap through grocery shopping. Emelia was finishing her orange and I was burping Sam when I hear a massive butt explosion from Sam. I look down to see a river of poop running down my shirt. He was covered in poop, I was covered in poop, soon the floor would be covered in poop if I did not grab a rag and mop up the poop. I went in to the locker room, and changed his diaper, shirt and pants (thank goodness I had an extra outfit for him.) I however did not have an extra outfit for me. I could have just gone home covered in poop but I would not have been able to fasten my seat belt without getting it covered in poop and I was determined to go to Walmart as planned. I bought a t-shirt at the gym. As I was at the front desk explaining the situation a lady who was also at the front desk starting yelling about how gross it was that I was covered in poop and how she HAD to leave because she has a low puke threshold. I began to cry. I mean really, do you think I enjoy being covered in poop? Do you think when I was fourteen I said man one day I hope my only goal is to go to Walmart without being covered in poop. The lady working the front desk explained to me that she did not have any kids and just didn't understand. I am not asking for empathy, I am just asking for a little compassion toward your fellow man. Do you not think that I am mortified to be covered in poop? I was by the way. It just all reached a breaking point and I got in the car and sobbed. Then I went to Walmart, got my groceries, came home and congratulated myself on following my plan.

Banner Week

Ladies and gentlemen, it has been a banner week and here is why...

- I lost two pounds
- I did something fun with Emelia every day this week. Today we went to the zoo where she used her Mickey Mouse camera to take pictures of the gorillas and fish. My favorite part was she would say "smile Mr. Ray, smile Crush the Turtle" all of these are characters from Finding Nemo and our zoo's aquarium. When we discussed what different animals say she told Jeff that turtles say "most excellent." God bless Disney.
-So You Think You Can Dance ended BUT they are doing a fall season. YAHOO
and last but not least

-Samuel has been sleeping for eight hours between feedings at night.

MOTY

To: Mother of the Year Committee
From: Erika Mochal
Re: Nomination

To Whom it May Concern:

I am writing to you to submit myself for consideration as Mother of the Year. In spite of the fact that I have recently thought about selling my children to the gypsies and leaving my newborn in the baby aisle at Target, I believe I am qualified for this honor due to last night's turn of events. Emelia has been dealing with constipation, welcome to my family's genes. She had a pretty painful bout on Monday when she had not pooped in four days and we had to resort to a glycerin suppository. (Not so fun but highly efficient.) Last night while I was feeding Samuel I heard her crying for mommy. Jeff said she wanted mommy to fix the poop. So I finished with Samuel, put him down for the night (awake no less, God love him for putting himself to sleep) and headed downstairs with another suppository swearing I was going to buy super high fiber bread. I got her up on the changing table and she was crying pretty hard and opened her diaper to find her little rectum expanded with poop poking out but sorta stuck. Oh no! There was no where for the suppository to go as the opening was blocked with poop. She was in so much pain so without thinking twice, I stuck my finger in there and dug out the poop. Poor thing was sweating like a pig when we finished but she was all done and in ten minutes was happy again. I learned two valuable lessons from this experience. My kid needs more fiber and no matter how tough things get or how hard it is I love my children and would do anything for them. As stated in article 10, section two of the motherhood code, manual poop removal is grounds for instantaneous Mother of the Year status and a glass of wine.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

Sincerely Erika Mochal