Severe Weather

So right now I am blogging to keep my imagination from running wild but I may be a little too late. All day the weather folks have been predicting "severe weather" which means strong winds, quarter size hail and tornadoes. I don't know why but I get really freaked out by this. If I stop to think about it I can rationally say if I die today I know I am going to heaven and heaven is way better than Omaha. (Not a knock on Omaha, just the truth) I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of other people that I care about dying and leaving me here. I am terribly afraid of losing people.

I also have visions of us all holed up in the basement with no water and no food and the house falling down around us. There is nothing in this house I cant live without. There isn't even really anything from a sentiment stand point that I would be devastated about but still, I do like my stuff, especially my Tivo.

I really am scared. I think now I will stop blogging and start praying.

My Best Friend's Wedding

My best friend since seventh grade is getting married on June 8th. I am so excited. I love her fiancee and I love them together. I can actually see how happy he makes her and how much he cares about her. I am in the wedding so we are off to California for the occasion.

I feel like I am packing for a year. Our bags weigh 47 and 39 pounds respectively. We have a stroller, car seat and two backpacks to carry on. Oh yeah and a toddler. Look out Expressjet, here we come. I am not too worried. The last time she flew she did great, then again, the last time she flew she still got a morning bottle and bink on demand. I do have the bink in the carryon for safe keeping but I don't plan to give it to her unless things get REALLY REALLY bad.

I feel prepared. The dress is altered, my hair is dyed (i am blonde again) the shoes have been purchased and most importantly i am ready to love on Penny and Alastair all weekend long! Woo hoo!

Dream Big

Okay so I know there are more important things in life than television and that goes double for "reality" television, but I am a sucker for an emotional moment. Last night's American Idol finale delivered for me. I LOVE David Cook. I love that he was unassuming, talented and a self-proclaimed "word nerd". I love a good come from behind story and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that he won!!!!!!! (Yes I am reduced to all caps and multiple exclamation points.) I have not pulled for someone on American Idol since Carrie Underwood. I have watched but not voted and on Tuesday I voted for an hour for David Cook fearing that really talented but irritating David Archuleta would win. I know he is great and I know he is sweet but for reasons I can't explain he makes me crazy. After Simon all but anointed him on Tuesday I knew I had to do my part or not complain about the results.

Jeff really had me going. We watched the finale off of the Tivo and he looked on the computer to see who won. When he told me the winner won by 12 million votes I knew it was Archuleta. There is no way that if Cook won he won by that much. I was in fact wrong, which only added to the drama!

Now on to So You Think You Can Dance which I also LOVE!!!!!!!!

Seriously?

So I went to the zoo on Friday with a new friend from church. We had a really nice time. The weather was lovely. On the way home Emelia conked out about one minute after we got in the car. I decided to drive out to Whole Foods. Bad decision. I was unfamiliar with teh highway because I was trying to navigate from downtown and thus I was paying close attention to teh street signs and not my speed. (Do you see where this is going?) You guessed it, I got another speeding ticket. By the grace of God - literally this one was in Douglas County while my other one was in Sarpy county so I think I am eligible fro traffic school again. This traffic school is cheaper but longer. I am not sure which is worse paying more money or spending four more hours in traffic school.

Poor Daddy

Emelia and I are looking at a Sesame Street book. I am asking her who each of the characters are... It goes something like this.

Point to a picture of Elmo, ask, who is that? EM-MO

Point to a picture of Big Bird, ask, who is that? Bi Berd

Point to a picture of Ernie, ask, who is that? Er rie

Point to a picture of Bert, ask , who is that? DADDY!!!!

Too little time too many teeth

We are teething again and I am reminded again, it stinks. Today went like this...

Walk around Walnut Creek Lake, thank God for the beauty of the day and the goodness of family and just general gratefulness. Get half way around the lake, stop at the playground, play, tell Emelia once more down the slide then we are going to go SHE LISTENS and we leave without freaking out. Spend more time thanking God. Get to the last stretch and she begins to fuss, get home, immediately down for a nap even though it is only 11:15. Okay fine. Take my lunch out in the back yard and sit in the sun reading a magazine. I almost felt like I was 14 again minus the baby oil and sun-in, LOVED it. Emelia wakes up, we go to the gym, I work out, still feeling good. Then WHAM, meltdown in Target, first public spanking. Let her sit in the cart for on minute time out while I was around the corner. Pick her up and tell her that I love her but that she can't scream when she doesn't get her way and she definitely can't kick mommy. She gives me a hug, I congratulate myself for handling that well and then she freaks out again. We leave. I want to drive off a cliff. Instead I drive to Marshalls because I need her to be contained for awhile while I get my emotions in check. We were trying to go t o teh mall because it is farther away but my bladder couldn't hold out. Have a fun time at Marshalls and try to remember for next time "this too shall pass."

Tough Week, Great Weekend

So it has been a little bit of a tough week at our house. I was super busy getting the house ready for another round of visitors plus we painted a couple of the rooms so there is all of the furniture moving that goes along with that. On top of everything else things have been a little strained between Jeff and I. Money has been tight because we basically had to pay for my biopsy out of pocket because we have a pretty high deductible for our insurance. (Our insurance is good but the deductible is high but they give you money towards the deductible but it comes over the course of the year which doesn't help when you have a 4,000 biopsy in March.)

In addition to being a little stressed about money I haven't been sleeping well. I haven't really slept well since I stopped nursing Emelia in February. The doctor prescribed Ambien which was great but you can't stay on it forever so I slowly weaned myself from it and now basically I fall asleep but wake up around 12:00 and can't get back to sleep until 2:00. Then I sleep pretty good until 4:00 and then I toss and turn for another couple hours and then I get up. Needless to say not getting enough sleep makes for a very cranky girl. I am not sure how, but I actually felt like I was sleeping better when she was a new born. On top of all of this I haven't been exercising consistently which makes me feel like a sloth and I have been eating crap. So I just felt off. On Saturday I woke up feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I am not sure why but I needed to tackle grocery shopping and with food being so expensive, I knew I was going to have to keep a tight reign on things to get through the pay period. I pretty much had a panic attack in Wal-Mart. There were so many people and I just felt like I was going to throw up constantly. When I finally left I couldn't remember where I parked so I couldn't find my car. When I found it I got in in and sobbed. I felt like I couldn't get it together and I felt like Jeff didn't care and I felt unloved and I felt overwhelmed and I felt like the world was getting really small around me.

When I got home I talked to Jeff about it and we had a really good talk. Neither of us was feeling supported and both of us were feeling unloved and it was quietly breaking us down a little at a time. God really worked things out for us because normally when I am that worked up I am really ugly and then Jeff shuts down and we end up going nowhere fast. We were both able to keep our head and heart in the conversation and talk about how we were feeling and how to get through it. I felt like a new woman. The rest of the weekend was really good. We went for walks and played in the park and sat out in the back yard in the sunshine reading and talking.

I know this is a pretty personal thing to write about but I really don't want to forget how scared and terrible I felt Saturday morning and how alive and restored I felt Saturday afternoon. I want to remember God's power so that the next time I am in the valley I don't try to "get myself together" when I should be asking God to get me together.