The Ups and Downs

Yet again it has been awhile since I posted. When I am up at night feeding Sam I think about the posts I would write but then I never get the time to really do it. That is actually only a partial truth. I have time but I have to choose what I want to do with that time. I could clean the bathroom, sit down with a cup of tea and watch HGTV or write on my blog. Lately I have been choosing the second option.

Things here are interesting. I spent a lot of this week feeling overwhelmed. There have been several personal conflicts that have come up with people in my life which I find to be emotionally draining. I have also been over-scheduling myself. I am the nursery/toddler director for church which isn't all that hard but lately has been difficult due to more kids than volunteers. I am hosting a baby shower because as my friend Lindsey says, "anytime you push something out of your body you deserve a party, I don't care how many times you have done it before!" I have joined my normal Tuesday morning Bible study, which I need to be doing. I have also enrolled Emelia in Kindermusik, which I have decided I don't need to be doing. She really likes it but it conflicts with Sam's nap schedule (so does Bible study so that is back to back days of nap nightmare.) The other kids want to love on Sam in a really aggressive way and he is a distraction to the other kids and to me. Emelia doesn't get the interaction from me she deserves and I end up leaving class feeling like a bad mom on all accounts. So I have decided we are not going back. This is very difficult for me because it feels a little like I have failed, plus a very nice woman from church teaches the class and I am sure she will be disappointed. But I have been praying about it and I just feel like it is the right thing to do so I have to stick to my guns. Wish me luck on that one.

Sam is still not sleeping completely through the night but is down to one feeding a night which I think I will have to actually cut out for him sometime soon. I am giving him two more weeks until we go to full-on sleep training. I can do the one time a night thing and not feel to bad in the morning. More than anything what I am doing is trying to learn contentment in my situation. The author of the book we are doing for Bible study says "it can be well with your soul even though it is not well with your circumstances." That was pretty profound for me. I can rest in God's love, know he is the Lord of my life and still be frustrated that Sam is not sleeping or Emelia is whining or whatever. So that is what I am trying to do. I want to be able to rely on my rock when it feels like life is crumbling around me. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel that way often but usually once a month or so there is a day that makes me feel like I can't do it anymore. I had one of those days on Wednesday but I felt much better by Thursday. Sometimes when they are both crying and there does not seem to be an end in sight it just feels like too much for my feeble little mind. It is then that I need to just turn from the circumstance and dig in to my soul.

I am posting some more pictures because well, I finally took some. Check out Sam in his little "man" outfit, a sweater, jeans and a pair of vans. I mean really!