Is it really April first?

Because it snowed yesterday. It was only a little and it didn't stick but still it was snow. Seriously what is the matter with the weather here? Today the high is supposed to be 55. Just when I get out my flip flops I have to put them away for my boots and just when I leave my boots out it starts to get nice. I have to say I would really like some consistency.

FYI - I am officially 33 weeks which means I have seven weeks to go. I had this crazy dream last night that all the calculations were off and I really only had two weeks. Then I was panicking because the nursery wasn't done and I still had baby clothes to wash and well you get the picture. Clearly I have some repressed anxiety. I am really anxious about this baby for some reason. I am so much more ready to be done than I was with Emelia.
I think I sort of feel like life is going to be really rough for about six months and so the sooner I get on with it the sooner I will get through it. I am ready for the lack of sleep but every day I think of new scenarios that will be a challenge. Like yesterday I was in the Target food court and I saw a women with a four year old son and a 9 month old girl I am guessing. Well her son had to use the restroom so she leaves her table with her food and her cart and grabs the baby and they head for the restroom. Now she had her purse in one hand and the baby in the other and I just thought how does she help her son with his pants? (I am guessing he still may need help who knows maybe they don't.) See my mind starts to reel when I think about actually trying to live life with two. Forget about when one is crying or being naughty, I am just talking straight living, like trips to the store or the doctor or whatever. I am sure you just figure out a way but it still makes me nervous. Okay I am working myself up in to a frenzy and I have not had any coffee yet so I better go get my single lonely cup of 1/4 caffeinated coffee that I allow myself.

By the way Emelia has begun to quote Beauty and the Beast - yesterday at Bible Study she burst out with "My father is not crazy, he is a genius!" So she loves a good princess movie and can quote movie lines at the age of two, she is definitely half Jeff and half me.

I mean really?

Emelia let me put pigtails in her hair today and I loved it. I mean seriously, I almost couldn't look at her because it hurt. She was so stinkin' cute I could just melt. Needless to say we had McDonalds for lunch today because, well, really I couldn't say no.

The shortest month casts the longest shadow

I sort of dropped off the blogosphere in February and I think I pretty much do it every February. It is just a really rough month for me. My mom died February 14. It has been four years and sometimes it seems like yesterday and sometimes it seems like a lifetime ago. The funny thing about it is if I really objectively look at my life, it is worlds better now than it was before she died. I am living the life God intended for me and am closer to being the person I want to be. Yet I miss my mom so much. I know God uses all things for his glory and I can truly see that in the loss of my mother but that doesn't make it any easier to swallow. Then this year Jeff's dad died on February 6. He was ill and he was 85 and we believe he is in a better place but that also does not make it any easier to go through the loss. Jeff and I are pretty sure we are destined not to celebrate Valentine's day because we had to cancel our date this year to bury his dad. This was really the first year we were going to celebrate since it is such a painful time for me. Maybe next year.

We are recovering though and sailing through March. I can't believe the baby will be here in two months. I am still working on the nursery and getting things together. I swear with Emelia I had everything washed, steam sanitized and in place by my second trimester. Oh well, life is different now. I am tired of being pregnant. I itch pretty bad and I feel like a huge tub of goo. Sleeping has become difficult which makes my energy level low during the day and well, I am just ready. I am grateful to have a healthy pregnancy and know I shouldn't complain, I am just ready to be done.

So anyway, I am back at the blog and will try to do better at keeping up with the world.

Here are some new Emelia pics that make me smile. Her two new loves are painting and dress up clothes. The trick is she has to wear all of the dress up clothes at once. If one necklace is good then five are better. Jeff calls it her Mr. T started kit. As for the paints thank goodness they are washable because she ends up with paint all over herself. I am currently in love with the coolest thing ever - Color Wonder paints from Crayola. They only work on special paper, not on clothes or faces or the dog.

Fat and Sassy

Okay so maybe just fat. I have gotten my four pounds back and I swear nothing fits - overnight. Things fit yesterday and today nothing. I am trying to refrain from buying clothes because well I won't need them again and I don't have a ton of need to dress cute but I have started to feel SOOOOO frumpy and dumpy. I know that there are other things I should be worrying about and that there are people who have real problems that I could be praying about but I can't help being just a little bit sad about how I look and feel right now. I just wish my thighs had not gotten so much bigger. I have worked really hard to get to a place where I sort of like my body and here I am again hating it all over. I know I am pregnant and therefore fat for a reason but still I just wish it was all in my belly. Instead I think it is all in my head. I am my own worst enemy right now. It is like a snowball rolling downhill turning in to a class three avalanche with every check in the mirror. UGH!

"I am one good stomach sickness away from my goal weight"

I distinctly remember this quote from he Devil Wears Prada because I thought it was so funny and yet for some women probably really true. I am pretty sure I have even thought something similar at one time in my life or another. I have always struggled with accepting my weight so ridiculous things like this seemed reasonable to me. Then you actually get a stomach sickness...

On Monday Emelia had diarrhea, not great but not the end of the world especially since she is still in diapers it is not horrible to clean up. At this point I would take that over puke any day because she can not control or aim puke so it is a far bigger mess. Alright let's gut back on the grapes, add in some bananas and wait for a solid poop. Fine. Well then on Tuesday around midnight that creepy little stomach bug had migrated to the mommy. I throw up nine times between midnight and 8 am. I figured it was just a bug but I was a little worried about getting dehydrated with the baby since one sip of water down equalled one sip of water up. I called the doctor, they said to come in, I did and it all went downhill from there. They said I was really dehydrated and wanted to call a home health nurse to administer some iv fluids and an anti-nausea medication. Okay fine. I went home and went back to sleep and stopped vomiting. Yea! As the day wore on I waited for this home health nurse to call, she did at 5:00 p.m. By this time I had kept down some gatorade and five crackers - wahoo! When she gets to our house she goes through all of this stuff with me (a 24 hour iv which I will have to get up in the middle of the night to change since she is arriving so late and blah blah blah.) Then she tries to start the IV , no go. Three needle sticks later, which brings my total needle sticks for the day to six since we had trouble finding a vein to draw blood at the doctors office also, i have nothing. At this point all the sticking and the anxiety has made my stomach hurt again and I have started to wretch. The nurse decide she will call another nurse out to try to stick me some more. (How long will that be I wonder - it took six hours just to get you here.) So finally I say no thank you I am just going to drink some more gatorade eat a piece of toast and hope for the best. She says she has to get a doctor to approve that, i say fine, use my phone. Voila, two minutes later she is gone and I have a sinking feeling I am going to have to pay for this whole fiasco anyway since she came out and opened all the supplies and now they can't be used on someone else. You know I should have listened to my instincts and called the whole thing off earlier in the day when I stopped vomiting. Oh well, lesson learned. The moral of the story is the baby is fine I feel world's better today and i lost four pounds. I have to say I would have rather gained four pounds than lose it the way I did.

I heart Costco

Costco is seriously the greatest place on earth. Because I had mom's group at church yesterday and Murphy had a vet appointment I did not get to do my grocery shopping yesterday like I normally would on a pay day Friday. So today Jeff and I divided and conquered. He hit Fareway for the chicken breast that was on sale and Target for the cat litter that was on sale and I hit Walmart for my normal groceries. Then together we all went to Costco. First let me just say what a lovely gift it is to grocery shop without your child. I love Emelia but she adds at least a half hour to any grocery shopping trip and does not allow for a ton of extraneous time like calculating how much Tide is per load. Today I got to do that and what I found out was shocking.

I compared Walmart, which is the best price in town, against Costco and Costco was always cheaper. The trick is you have to be able to store it and have some extra money up front to buy it. Yogurt was literally .20 cheaper per yogurt cup. Tide was .13 cheaper a load and don't even get me started on Kleenex. Some things Walmart will always win because the generic is so cheap. A can of white beans for instance is .62 which you can't beat because they are generic and by the time you throw them in a pot of tortilla soup no one can tell the difference but on name brand items Costco is just such a good deal. The real reason it is the best spot on earth is that Emelia, Jeff and I can each have a hot dog and drink for $4.50. As Emelia said today "It is a beautiful day to sit down and eat a hot dog."

The name game

I think I have Jeff talked out of Ananias - thank goodness but we still have not really come up with a name. I am very much a believer in instincts when it comes to this process. With Emelia I loved it from the start and I still love it even though I say it five hundred times a day. Even though I have been through a million baby name sites and made a list of names I like, there is nothing I LOVE so far. Jeff said we need to make a list of final contenders and then mull over those choices. That sounds logical and all but there is no gut reaction that way which makes it hard for me. Maybe it is different the second time around I don't know. It is not like there was a girl name that i was loving either so maybe I just need to stop looking for that lovin' feelin' and start mulling.

New Year New Me?

So usually when the new Year rolls around I drink some champagne and make a list of all of the ways i will improve myself in the coming year. This year is different. I am already working out. I have no hope of losing weight until after May 20 and I have finally learned that I don't do well with New Years resolutions. Instead I made a list of projects for January. I do well with a list of small tasks that I can actually accomplish. I believe this is known as short term goals. I have already crossed three things off the list. Yeah me! It will be interesting to see what this year brings. I know life will be crazy for awhile and I know I am going to need to potty train Emelia but that is really all I can plan at this moment in time. If you know me you know that the inability to plan is like an inability to breathe. i am working on that for January and will probably be working on that straight through December's list.

Here are some things I am struggling with at the moment (besides the inability to plan)...

I feel fat. I know that I am pregnant so that is to be expected somewhat but I wish I could be one of those women who keep their shape and just look like they swallowed a ball. I do not look like that. I look like I swallowed the women from the before picture at Jenny craig. Everything has gotten bigger. Why is that?


I also have terrible pregnancy acne. Now I will confess there is some vanity in my distaste for my chin's new friends but mostly it HURTS. They are big cystic, you can't pop me pimples and they hurt. The bummer of it is that y ou can't use acne meds when you are pregnant. Isn't that just a big cosmic joke?

We are having a boy. Yes I will be caring for a baby boy. How does that work? I feel like the little boys I know are so different and I can't possibly begin to comprehend what to do with a boy. I have already begun to pray that God will help me to not compare them and to just love him for him and be content with who he is whoever that may be. Yikes! To top it all off Jeff and I are not even close to on the same page about names. I like Bennett and he likes Ananias. Yep you read that right...

Um okay I suppose that is about it for now. Time to make some supper.

Fun Times with DirecTV

So we had some pretty crappy weather last night including freezing rain with a little snow on t op. I have a serious weather paranoia. I don't like storms, I get scared to drive on t eh snow and ice and I don't want anyone to go anywhere until the streets clear. So today we are hunkered down hanging out at home. Well about mid day I discovered that some of our channels are not coming in. I called DirecTV (who we love) and the nice gentleman walked me through a test which I apparently failed. He said it looks like your high definition channels are not coming in. I knew that part but ok why - because either the satellite is no longer angled correctly or there is snow or ice covering the dish receptor. He said you will probably need to wait for the weather to pass. Newsflash - it is December and I live in Nebraska. The average high for the next week is 12. So we may be talking about March before this crap melts. All I could think was dear lord please let all of teh good bowl games be on regular channels.

The Definition of Bitter Cold

When I listened to the weather forecast this morning Rusty Lord (yes that is his name) told me that it was currently -4 but not to worry it was going to warm up to 8 degrees by late afternoon. Oh good, something to look forward to!

Where Does the Time Go

Emelia is two years old today. I just can't believe it. She constantly amazes me, sometimes in not so good ways but mostly I just marvel at how she has become this little person. I love her so much and I could never have imagined that I would feel this way. I have loved a lot in my life. I love my husband more now than I did in the giddy first months of our courtship and I loved my mom more than I can say but I have just been blind sided by my love for Emelia. It is so powerful and unexpected and it just creeps up on you.

Yesterday she said hey mom and I turned around and said "what honey" and I could distinctly "hear" that same exchange between my mother and I and it took my breath away. I am now the mom. I don't know that I thought I would never be a mom but it was not something that I spent a lot of time longing for. Now that I am I can not imagine ever not being who I am today. As I think about adding another child to our family my fear is t hat I couldn't possibly love this new baby the way that I love Emelia because my heart just doesn't have room for that much overpowering love. I know God will fix that but it still nags at me none the less.

I remember so distinctly when she was little and I couldn't wait to see who she would be. i wanted to see what sort of personality she would have and it is slowly emerging. She loves animals and is very passionate about things - ELMO, books, jelly beans. Often she will tell me "Mommy I NEED jelly beans." She likes to cuddle and does well with a routine. (Thank goodness!) She likes to sing and hates to be confined, like in a shopping cart for instance. (Whoa is me this is a new and really tough challenge.) She is so smart and has a terrific memory. Yesterday we were looking at an alphabet picture book and she turned to the page for x and declared "look mom a xylophone." I mean really where did she learn the word xylophone? Currently if you ask her what color something is everything is green. Jeff is convinced she is colorblind. She likes to swing at the park and asks to do so every day. She is just a terrific child. Yes she gives me fits sometimes and yes there are days I miss the freedom of being a dual-income-no-kids couple but I would never go back.

I can't wait to see what the next year brings.

License Plates

If anyone has license plates for my friend Stephanie's map project can you please send them to me? Here is a link to her blog so you can see her project...


http://svajglfamily.blogspot.com/

Oh the weather outside is frightful....

No really, I am not kidding. It is suddenly really cold here. What I don't get - should have paid more attention in Mr. Kelley's science class - is how yesterday the high was 30 and today the high is supposed to be 50. Oh and tomorrow the high is 29. What makes Tuesday so warm? I know I have officially adjusted to the weather here because when I found out the high was going to be 50 I thought "hum maybe Emelia and I can go to the playground." Really, when did 50 constitute playground weather?

In other news, I have been able to return to the gym. I am just in time for the "12 Days of Christmas" promotion. If you work out 12 times between Dec. 1 and Dec. 24 you get a free t-shirt. What is it about free stuff that is so appealing? When I saw the sign on the door to the gym I was soooo excited. I really need another free t-shirt because the bag to take to the Goodwill is not full enough. I mean I don't need that shirt but sure enough I signed up at the front desk and darn it if I won't do it. I guess if nothing else it is good incentive to go to the gym.

Allright I am off to Super Wal-mart to grocery shop, spend ten minutes looking at the aquarium section (Emelia's treat for grocery shopping goodness) and complain about how expensive food has gotten.

Back to Work

None of us want to go back to work today. Jeff was running late, I was not running at all and Emelia is just now getting up. Hope that doesn't mean she is getting sick. What a delicious weekend - food, shopping, football and lots of block building. Maybe Em will be an architect or a princess handler because man my girl loves her princess figurines. I love that she like Pocahontas the best.

Thoughts on a tree

So you may remember a post from last December and early January where I talked about our tree situation in this house. To boil it down, Jeff likes a real tree, I don't mind it but I don't like the mess. (So weird for me right?) Last year our real tree died early so we ended up with a fake tree for Christmas. While technically I won the battle (and contest of wills) Jeff was really sad and I certainly didn't feel like a winner. The compromise was that going forward we would use the fake tree in another room to have the "perfect Martha Stewart" tree and then we would get a real tree for the front room to put up our mish mosh collection of ornaments from our childhood. Last Sunday everything changed. I went to church and the bulletin said that the church was looking for a Christmas tree for the new campus we are opening in Millard. They wanted burgundy and gold ornaments and lights if anyone had some to donate. That is when God spoke to me.

I didn't hear his voice but I knew as plain as day that I was supposed to give church my "Martha" tree. I pushed the thought aside because I was really looking forward to my "Martha" tree. When I got home Jeff and I split up to run errands and when I came home Jeff had bought a real tree. He showed great restraint this year and did not buy one that was too big or too fat. It really was the perfect tree. When I got out my Christmas decorations I pulled out the stuff I bought for my "Martha" tree and noticed that the ornaments were burgundy and gold - just what the church was looking for - and that is when I knew I had to give them that tree.

You see that tree was a symbol of vengefulness and stubbornness and disobedience. For those of you that have known me for a while you know I struggle with the Biblical concept of wives submitting to their husbands. What I finally realized was that it wasn't about not having a backbone or about being weak as an individual or about being a slave. It is about being a strong unit that works out compromise but when you can not work out compromise someone has to be "right" for lack of a better word and it is to be the husband. In our seven years of marriage we have never not been able to work out a compromise on anything - except the Christmas tree. (Crazy huh?) The fact that I can't let go of my tree is me being disobedient to him, to God and to my own heart. I am a pretty strong woman and I believe that God made me that way. I don't think the idea of submission in any way takes away from that - on the contrary, the ability to put aside my own will and stand in God's will for me takes strength of character and discipline. (I don't always have a ton of those two things but God has given me more of that lately too.)

The other reason I knew I had to give up that tree is because of what the whole concept of the "Martha" tree represented to me. See some people grew up with those kind of trees or like my best friend make them in to works of art. I was trying to be something I am not so that people would come in to my home and see my quaint little country tree and my sophisticated polished perfect tree and think I was all of those things. I certainly am more sophisticated than my family was growing up mostly because I lived in LA and was a victim of the keeping up with the Jones' culture but in my heart I am the sum total of my parents and I am proud of that. Most of the ornaments on my tree are handmade by my mom or Jeff's parents or in some cases Jeff himself and I love them. My mom and dad gave me an ornament every year while I was growing up and it usually represented something from that year. I have a pair of ice skates from the year I learned to skate. I have an Aladdin ball from the year I was obsessed with that movie. I have an engagement ring in a box from the year I got engaged. As I put all of those ornaments on the tree it is like walking through my past and remembering each year of my life. That is what my Christmas tree is all about - not perfection. I will confess I do stare longingly at the trees in department stores because their tidyness and symmetry are so appealing, but I love my tree and I will no longer be ashamed of my homespun tree.

When I took all of my still-in-the-box ornaments and my pre-lit tree in to the church office they were so thankful and thought it was so beautiful. Now hundreds of people can appreciate that tree and I can appreciate my country tree in all its splendor. (My camera batteries are dead but I will post pics of my tree soon.)

New Woman

I feel like a new woman this week. I am finally over the morning sickness, I think and I have some energy which is so exciting.

Okay let me back up and fill in the last three weeks' details.

Colorado was great. It was nice to see family and I felt a particular increase in my bond with Nancy - my step mom. Emelia really took to her because she was the only one who really let Emelia come to her. News flash, little kids do not like to have people force a relationship. It is tough because I really want her to just run up and hug everyone but she doesn't and I know that is a good thing but people have expectations so it is a little nerve wracking for us parents. It really is a tricky situation. Emelia was great in the car but tested her boundaries a few times while we were there. There was a lot going on, six adults surrounding her at all times plus trips to the zoo and the rock garden etc. I tried to give her a little leeway but I also was not about to let her freak out because she wasn't getting her way which she did a couple of times. All in all I needed a vacation from my vacation. : )

I came back and spent most of last week preparing to talk at our women's retreat for church. The theme was Walking by Faith - different shoes for different seasons. I was one of six speakers speaking about trying times in our lives that God pulled us through. For me that was the year that my mom died. Her death was terrible, the grief was overwhelming but I basically buried all of that under work, alcohol and shopping, with a dose of overeating thrown in for good measure. By the grace of God my loving husband stuck by me but finally on new year's eve of 2005 I just told God I couldn't take it any more and he took it for me. So anyway, I was nervous about speaking and really just wanted my story to help someone else in some way and wanted it to glorify God. The speech went well, the retreat was awesome and man was I exhausted. I spent most of Sunday and Monday trying to catch up on sleep and get some energy. I decided since I was feeling so much better I would try to take my regular prenatal vitamin since I have been taking a regular multi with a folic acid supplement. Bad idea, man was I sick. On Monday I spent all day throwing up and feeling miserable. Tuesday was much better and Wednesday was better still.

So that brings us to today when I can report that I think I have begun to nest. Yes I vacuumed out the light fixtures and dusted the fireplace after cleaning out the toy box and organizing the closets. Most women don't start to nest until the third trimester but I think my natural anal tendencies combined with the extra hormones get me going a little early : ) Okay, gotta go, I am off to clean the refrigerator coils!

A Gift

Today i am struck by what a gift I have been given. I had a park date with a friend who was relaying a story of a friend who went to pick up her one year old at day care and walked in as the worker slapped her child in the face. I could not come to terms with what I would do. I am so tremendously blessed to be able to stay home with Emelia. My mom worked and I never once felt like I lacked for anything in my relationship with her so I know it can be done successfully, but i don't know how I could do it. I think it is so much work. Staying home is work too, don't get me wrong but I am just I don't know feeling really blessed right now.

I can't believe I am going to have another one. It is so surreal. Jeff and I have been praying about this for awhile and then in July we decided to end our birth control and then in August I got pregnant. God must have thought we were ready. Suddenly I am not so sure. It has been hard being sick and trying to not make Emelia suffer because of it. I just know that God's priority for me is not to keep my floors mopped but to keep her heart full and her mind fed. (Never mind her belly - God bless the peanut butter sandwich.) I think it is good that it has been tough for me already because I know it will be even tougher when number 2 gets here so I suppose this is just a little on the job training. : )

All things considered I have an amazing husband who picks up the slack when I have less than a 100% to give, a relatively well-behaved loving little girl and a God who makes each day seem like a new chance to be better. I am blessed.

So Awesome!

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My friend Penny made this for me and I heart it more than I can possibly say!

Afternoon Sickness

So remember how some weeks back I was feeling the funk and feeling like things were just off, well they were. I was pregnant and didn't know it. : )

I am happy to report that I am ten weeks along and have seen the little bean with my own eyes and have heard it's beating heart (nice and fast like they like). I met my doctor for the first time yesterday (I normally have been seeing a PA) and I really like her. I really like the fact that I have a prescription for the crazy afternoon vomiting wave that washes over me which means I have kept all my food down for the lest three days. Yippee! Prior to that I had lost four pounds. I am pretty sure pregnancy is not supposed to be a weight loss plan. I am way more tired now than I was with Emelia. The days feel pretty long right about now but I am hoping that gets a little better in the second trimester. I will write more about my feelings and all the craziness in a bit. I just wanted the world to know.

The Christmas Hunt has Begun

Last year i bought most of Emelia's Christmas presents from the resale shop. I figured she won't know the difference, I don't have to assemble anything and the money goes further. I still believe all of those things so I plan to do the same again this year. I have begun the hunt. I want a kitchen and a tricycle but other than that I am open to whatever gems i turn up. I found a kitchen for $10 two weeks ago. It s just the right size for her now and then I can look for a nicer one for next year when she outgrows it. I am not sure what else t o get her. Does anyone have any ideas for good, well-loved two year old toys? So far what she is digging right now is a five dollar stroller my aunt gave her and whatever comes out of the happy meal at McDonald's. : ) I will keep you posted on what I come up with.

It has been a busy month for us. We went on a whirlwind adventure to Iowa and Illinois. It was great to be with family. I felt like we got to see everyone we wanted to see and we ate a lot of fried chicken. It was neat to see Emelia establish relationships with my cousins kids and my aunts and uncles. She particularly took to my uncle Dick and still professes to miss papa Dick and puppy. (My aunt and uncle have an 18 year old Shih Tzu that Emelia loved but I am pretty sure the "puppy" was happy to see Emlia leave.) Then we came home and had a week to get the house in shape for my friend Lindsey's visit. It was a great visit. We hit the resale shops and ate plenty of Panera (she doesn't have them where she lives.)

We have a halloween party this weekend and I am anxious to see if Emelia will wear her Elmo costume for any length of time and or let me take her picture in it. We will have to see. Jeff and I will fall in to our usual costumes. Fifties girl for me and 70s guy for him. He loves to wear the afro wig. Hear are some pics from our Illinois trip...

Sorry about the long hiatus

Two weeks ago we were in Iowa/Illinois (more about that trip to come), last week I was busy preparing for my friend to come visit and now she is hear! Yea for me!

I promise I will write more soon, but for now we are off to do the things we love to do together. Go to target, buy groceries and just generally exist.

Oh Boy

Emelia has not napped today. I have tried putting her down twice. She didn't even attempt to nap either time. I am straining for peace. You see I didn't sleep well last night so I thought maybe I would also nap today. No such luck. So tired, so cranky so hungry..... UGH!

Funk be gone

The good news is that I seem to be over my case of the funk, or as my mom would call it, the blue funk. (The blue funk for her though usually had something to do with menopause so I don't think I really had the blue funk.) We had a good weekend, busy but good. I still haven't ventured back to the gym but I have stopped eating everything in sight and as soon as noodle wakes up from her nap we are off to the gym. The weather has been really lovely this weekend so maybe my friend Thuy was right about my mood being effected by the dreary weather.

We started a new life group last night and I am so glad. It is so good to be in community with other Christians. It is funny because our group is really diverse, we have parents of 8 year olds, parents of triplets, parents-to-be and non-parents. We are all different ages and come from different laces but we all love the Lord so we instantly know there is a common denominator. It is just cool. The other cool thing is that coincidentally enough, none of us are from Omaha.

Okay, I have to actually get the kitchen cleaned still before sleeping beauty wakes up so see you later "agator" as Emelia says.

Off my game

For some reason I have been completely off my game this week. I have had little to no interest in exercising. I feel unmotivated to do any housework and I have not paid a lick of attention to what I eat. I just feel sluggish and fuzzy in the head. I don't know what my dal is but I have got to get past it. It is making me crazy.

I feel like a sloth and I am resentful of any task which I am forced to accomplish in order to save my pride. (i.e. something that someone else is counting on me to do.)

The only thing I have felt like doing is shopping. I tend to shop for Emelia when I am in moods like this because it requires no fitting rooms and I can get more things for less money. Seriously what is my deal? Atleast my kid has cute clothes...

E

Who needs white sandy beaches?

especially when you can have fried chicken and homemade mac and cheese? So our vacation to Turks and Caicos has been postponed due to hurricane Ike. I prayers o out to the people who actually live there because my vacation is nothing compared to their lives and homes and way of life. Since we are not going to go to the island in two weeks I decided to do the next best thing. I am going to Cedar Rapids, Iowa and Bloomington, Illinois. Emelia and I are going on a road trip to visit family. I am pretty excited. in other SUPER DUPER EXCITING news. My friend Lindsey is coming to visit in October. I may have already written about it but it is so exciting. I am already planning meals and activities for when she is here. Yahoo!

Oops

I realized in my last blog entry I spelled craptastic wrong. Yeah, it's cool, I looked it up in Webster's and it is definitely spelled right now. : )

Holy Craptastic Batman!

Tonight is the kickoff to regular season football. The excitement looms heavy in the air. Man, I am excited! I will wear my "Mrs. Moc" jersey and Jeff will wear his "The Moc" jersey and it will be terrific!

Seven Years

Yesterday was my seven year wedding anniversary. Some days it feels like Jeff and I have been married forever and some days it feels like we got married yesterday. Last night Jeff and I went out to dinner and we were talking about the last seven years. Here is what we came up with.

We have...
lived in three different states
adopted two pets
lost his brother and my mom
had a baby
and loved and supported each other through it all.

Here's to more years like the last seven (no more pets though.)

Goosebumps

Last night I watched our country nominate the first African American for president. It was amazing. Most of you know I am a democrat and many of you are Republicans but I believe this historic night is bigger than party affiliation. I can remember sitting in a co-workers office in 2004 and her talking about how she hated Hillary and hoped that Colin Powell would run as a Repub. against her is she ever ran for president. Then she said "our country would never elect a black man president though." Well, he isn't president, but the fact that he is a major party candidate is pretty darn exciting.

In college I was really liberal (I actually majored in journalism and minored in Women's studies) and as I have gotten older I have gotten less liberal but am still a democrat. I have not been this in to an election since Bill Clinton in 1992. That year I was a freshmen who thought Cal State Northridge was Berkley circa 1964 and I went to rallies and protest and wore slogan buttons on my backpack while wearing my flannel shirts and boots. I was a card carrying member of NOW and had a subscription to Ms. magazine. This year some of my ideals have changed and my entire way of life has really changed but I am excited about the sense of optimism that I have. More important than Republican or Democrat is the ability to recognize what a historic achievement this is for Barack Obama but also for us as a nation.

The only bad news in all of this is that coming off the Olympic late nights I am struggling with the political late nights and as much as I would like to I don't think I can handle another week of 11:00 bed times. Sorry Senator McCain.

Help for a friend

My friend Stephanie is making a super cool present for her husband for Christmas and she is trying to collect license plates from all 50 states. Since my favorites blog readers live all over I thought I would pass on the list of states she still needs. If you have any of these license plates or have a legal way of obtaining them please let me know.

Thanks!
laska Arkansas Connecticut Delaware Florida Hawaii
Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kentucky Louisiana
Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Mississippi Nebraska
Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina
North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Pennsylvania Rhode Island
South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah
Vermont Virginia Washington Wyoming


In other news...

It finally happened. I had to resort to dinner plan B. You see I always keep a frozen pizza in the freezer in case whatever new recipe I am tinkering with turns out gross. Last night we had to use the pizza. I made a dish called ham and swiss crockpot chicken. I had made it before and it was great, it wasn't much to look at but it tasted good. Someone gave me the idea to try baking it to make it less mushy, so I did. The problem is she didn't give me exact directions and I forgot an ingredient and well it was a mess. The breading was mushy, the chicken was raw it was a night for the frozen pizza. God bless plan B.

Neglected part 2

So let's see what have I been up to. Oh yes, obsessing over the Olympics. I love them. You see I enjoy sports but mostly I enjoy the emotion of sports. I like basketball, but I LOVE March madness because it is so exciting... the thrill of victory, the Cinderella school, the agony of defeat, the buzzer beaters, all of it. The Olympics are like that. Everyone works so hard for 30 seconds of a race potentially. I was glued to Michael Phelps and so glad he is not as punk youth as he was in Athens. I LOVED the opening ceremony. As a total type A I have such appreciation for the precision and planning that went in to all of the amazing spectacles. Yes it is a bit weird that table tennis and BMX biking are Olympic sports but have it China get you some medals. I did read a funny article in Time by Joel Stein saying e wanted to change the Olympic scoring and have points based on how fit you have to be to compete in your selected sport. Badminton, not so much.

I have also been very busy having tea with Emelia. She got a tea set (porcelain - I mean really) from my aunt who insists she play with it. (We are down to one cup and four plates that have not been broken.) Anyway, when she hands me a cup of tea I pretend to drink it and tell her it is delicious. She loves it! Her new word is delicious. Everything is delicious. Wrapping up in the doormat - delicious, washing her hair - delicious, daddy - delicious. It cracks me up.

On another positive note this weekend Old Navy had jeans for $12. It was total chaos but in a "I am getting a freakin' bargain" good way. I tried on jeans and discovered I have dropped two sizes since last fall. I almost dies. When I zipped up the size tens I cried in the dressing room and just praised God for that moment. I felt so good about myself. Not because of the size of the jeans but because I made a commitment and stuck to it and I am seeing progress. I am sure some of you can't believe I would post my jean size on the internet or that I am happy about a size ten because I know some folks would sooner die then wear a double digit size but I finally feel free from my consuming body image issues. It has been a long time coming and I still would like to look like Gabrielle Reece but I am ok with who and what I am.

To round out what has been on my mind lately I will finish with my mom. I have had several dreams about her lately and I have struggled with feeling a little lost and a lot sad. We sang a song in church about how anything is possible with Jesus and He is the ultimate healer and I couldn't help but think why didn't you heal my mom. Why couldn't she have stayed here. I know she is in a better place and I know we all have to die and I know one day I will see her again, but right now I wish I could see her now and ask her all the parenting questions I have stored up. I wish she would come visit and hold on tight to her grandbaby and be so excited that Emelia has learned to say Grammy. I just want her back that's all.

Okay blog, now we are caught up and it is time to make dinner. I think I will treat myself to a glass of wine because I have gotten a lot done today. Yea for me!

So neglectful

Dear blog:

I am sorry I have neglected you so lately. Between the volunteer work I am doing for church and the Olympics I have hardly had time to be on the computer. Don't be offended that I like reading other people's blog's more than I like writing in my own. I am just nosy that way. I promise this afternoon I will pay some good quality attention to you. I will write about my Olympic Fever and about the size 10 jeans I bought from Old Navy. (I know blog, I was super excited too!) I will write about Emelia's new favorite word - delicious and about the struggles I have been having with missing my mom. I promise blog I will fill you in on all of that, but right now I have to compile a data base for church and watch the closing ceremonies off the Tivo!

Love, Mama

My husband rocks!

Why you may ask? Well for many reasons but specifically I am talking about his lack of fear when it comes to Emelia.

We live near an air force base and the air show is this weekend. Emelia loves airplanes. I am pretty sure Jeff does too as long as he doesn't have to fly in them. (The irony of his love of airplanes and fear of flying is not lost on me!) We talked about taking her to the air show and I was not convinced it would be a good idea, big crowds, restless toddler, potential for interfering with nap time, etc. We were debating. Then yesterday I said, I don't really want to go to the air show. Jeff said well why don't I take Emelia and you can do whatever you want. I practically couldn't breathe - DO WHATEVER I WANT?!?!?!? You see I often get time to myself but it is usually planned in advance and has a schedule worthy of a drill sergeant because I am doing things that are easier without a toddler - grocery shopping for instance. But this, this would be different it would be spontaneous free time to wander about aimlessly drinking coffee all morning and maybe going to the mall. All because my husband is going to take a 20 month old girl to see airplanes. I have packed a backpack that would serve them well if they were stranded on a desert island and I have given him every tip I know. I even armed him with a sucker. (The best offense is a good defense, you know.) He just smiled and shrugged it off because he will figure it out. Lord almighty he is amazing - so mellow, so in love with his baby and so good to his wife. Thank you Lord Jesus for this man. Now I am off to go to the mall and Starbucks, probably twice.

The Reformer

I have been up since 5:30 and now I can barely walk. My gym is offering free pilates reformer classes this week while they refinish the group exercise floor. Normally you have to pay extra for this kind of torture. So I decided to try something new. I REALLY did not want to get out of bed this morning because I stayed up late last night watching the Olympics. (I love them by the way but that is another post.) Then I thought, this poor teacher has to get up so I need to honor the commitment I made by signing up.

It was only a half hour class, but man, my muscles were shaking so bad when I left that I was worried about driving home. It was a pretty darn good work out for a half hour. I don't know how many calories I burned which is my standard for a good work out (how many extra snacks do I get for this time spent at the gym) but I certainly feel stronger and my posture seems better already. I am not ready to pay extra for it but I did sign up for another free class on Wednesday.

God is good

He is good for a lot of reasons but today I am specifically talking about my new found food peace. I can't really explain it but I suddenly am just okay with whatever Emelia eats. When I look at most days I know she is doing well in most areas except vegetables. I sneak them in where I can and I am just not freaking out about the fact that she doesn't eat much dinner.

I have just been enlightened with perspective. She never ate much in the evening, even when she was a teeny nursing baby. She always woke up ravenous and still does. This week she has eaten three vegetables. We had sweet potato pancakes, cauliflower mashed potatoes and a teeny bit of spinach in our scrambled eggs. (There will be more in there next time.) I want her to enjoy food but not need it for comfort or reward so that is what I am focusing on. We will see how it goes. Check back in ten years and I will let you know how it turns out.

Holy Hot Dog!!!

I just saw the trailer for High School Musical 3 and I almost passed out with anticipation. October 24 can not get here soon enough. I may have to plan a trip to Bloomtown to see it with my cousins kids because I am pretty sure people would be creeped out when a 34 year old strolls in to the movie solo. I love the HSM franchise. It is like Grease but cleaner more wholesome and with Zac Efron. I heart him! Wow oh wow, I am freaking out, I can't wait!

Ahh, it is that time of year

Today is a great day. Yes it was 99 degrees here today and yes my daughter was a bit fussy but who cares, today is the first preseason NFL game. I know that it is basically no one vs. no one because after the first possession each team puts in their scrubs, but who cares, it is football and I love it! I have always liked football. My mom liked football for some reason and we used to root for the Cowboys - I still do. As I got older and dated boys who liked sports I got more in to sports. I have ZERO athletic ability but I like to watch most sports. I love baseball, like basketball and tolerate baseball. (Baseball is better in person with a beer and a hot dog.)

Football is just good and I will happily spend every Sunday until February watching football and eating bean dip. (Note to self, add 40 more minutes of cardio a week) Here is a list of things I love about football.

1. It moves fast and is pretty much constantly exciting.
2. John Madden and Al Michaels
3. When they play in throw-back unis
4. The grandstanding, except for T. O. and Chad Johnson - they are just annoying and I will never forgive T.O. for standing on the star when he was a 49er - I cursed him that day.
5. Football food
6. NFL Sunday ticket on DirecTV
7. The kicker - don't ask me why but I love a good kicker, no one pays attention to them until the final seconds
8. A two-point conversion
9. A good trick play
10. The rerun of the Stanford band almost getting killed that they inevitably play once a year.

Slow Down

I was doing a quick skim of the headlines on Yahoo and come across this one.

IAEA board considering Indian nuclear agreement

I thought, that is weird, what does IKEA have to do with India's nuclear arsenal.

Clearly I need to slow down and actually read not just skim.

Deep breaths and Bible reading

Thanks for everyone's support on the toddler eating front. I am working hard on letting it go and knowing that she will be fine without my cheesy chicken and noodles. I try to approach dinner with lots of deep breathes and a quick Bible verse to remind me that God is in control, not me. Plus last night I laced her mashed potatoes with cauliflower, take that picky baby! : )

I think she knew I was feeling exasperated because yesterday she was extra cute and funny. We were in Target and I asked her to sit down in the cart. She looked at me started to sit but never actually put her bottom down. I said "Oh, really" and she looked at me and said "really." I had to laugh. She sat the rest of the trip squatted down like a little kung fu baby in the front of the cart.

By the way, my Target has the big box of pampers on clearance. There is also a coupon expiring today for $5 off diapers and wipes at www.afullcup.com under the section marked Target coupon generator. If you combine it with the $1.50 off coupon from this past Sunday's papers it is a little like stealing from Target! : ) I will confess I have bought 500 diapers in the last week using coupons and the clearance deal.

Emelia is also really funny lately with her word choices. Wen she sees something she likes she says " Oh Wow! look at that!" she says this every morning when she sees her cereal bowl, when I turn on sesame street and when we see a car cart at the grocery store. Oh to be that excited all the time.

I lost it

I am sure I have written before about how crazy it makes me when Emelia won't eat. I have issues with my child and food. I have bad eating habits that I picked up early on and have struggled with being happy with my body for many years and I really don't want her to have that same issue. I read all this stuff about how her eating habits are formed by the time she is two and I get freaked out because all she ate today is cheerios and veggie puffs with a small side of yogurt and grapes. Lately she has had a real fondness for sugar and a real disdain for any sort of real food. Tonight she wouldn't eat the cheesy chicken and noodles I made her. What is not to like about that?

She wouldn't eat it and I tried to make her at least take a bite. She wouldn't. Jeff told me to let it go and I flipped out. I yelled at him, I cursed - in front of my child - and I stormed upstairs. I can't believe I am even writing this because I am so embarrassed. I think I do it for some form of self-inflicted punishment. I apologized to Jeff but of course he is not quick to thaw as I yelled at him. My child is sleeping and, God love her, she is quick to forgive and gave me a delicious goodnight hug and kiss.

Why does this particular issue make me so crazy? Why am I foisting my insecurities on to her? Will she be an obese kid at ten if she only eats cheerios today? I wish I knew the answers to all of these questions but more than anything I wish I could just let it go.

Time to change the profile

So today I am 34. It doesn't feel any different then 33 which quite honestly doesn't feel any different than say 27. I was chatting with my niece this weekend about leaving for college. I told her I don't feel that far removed from college even though it has been 10+ years since I was in college. Maybe I am just fooling myself but I still feel pretty youthful, smarter but youthful.

Someone recently made the comment that I have lived a lot of life for being 33 and I sort of agree with that and yet all of the aspects of my life still seem so vivid to me. I don't feel old but I do feel older. I like where I am. My life is good and I feel blessed.

I Love Sesame Street

I have very vivid memories of watching Sesame Street when I was little. I went to morning kindergarten and when I came home I got to eat my lunch on this little kitchen step stool (I used it as a picnic table) and watch Sesame Street. I started letting Emelia watch it awhile back even though the American Academy of Pediatrics says they don't need TV until they are two. I believe they are correct, they don't need TV, I need TV. I need a chance to clean the toilets without her trying to lick the toilet brush, etc. So hard as it was, I broke the rules, You know I like rules. I am glad I did.

Today Emelia counted to 20 with Ernie on Sessy , as we call it here. She also knows all of her letters. I am not proclaiming her a child prodigy, I just think she has a good memory and watches a lot of Sesame street!

City Girl

My parents are both from small towns in Iowa, my mom is from a REALLY small town in Iowa called Gilmore City. I think the population is like 500 counting the livestock. This weekend Gilmore City turned 125 so my whole family trekked over there to watch the "parade" (I use the term loosely) and hang out together. I forgot about the dog so Jeff got a boys weekend to see the new Batman movie and mow the grass. Emelia and I set out to reclaim our heritage. I have never enjoyed Gilmore City so much.

You see when I was a kid we went to Gilmore most summers for vacation. I never went to Disneyworld, I went to Iowa. I pretty much hated it after the age of eight. Everyone that lived there was slow, cars moved slow, life moved slow - I was all about moving fast. When I was a rebellious, super-cool teenager I remember feeling like a fish out of water and loving it. I delighted in shocking my family. The crazier my hair, the better. You hate my clothes, great! One Christmas we went home and I was reading the Autobiography of Malcolm X and wearing cowboy boots and my grandma about crapped. I was thrilled.

Here I am 15 years later and I have a new appreciation for small town life. It does move slowly and there is nothing wrong with that. People know their neighbors, in a real way, not in a pleasant conversation at the community mail box sort of way. That was very evident to me this weekend. After the parade, the Lions club served lunch for a free will offering. I bet I saw every person put in a $20 and these aren't rich folks but they believe in the Lion's club and they are thankful for a home cooked lunch. Lunch included a slice of homemade pie and a scoop of homemade ice cream. The women of Gilmore City must have baked 100 pies. No one knew me because my mom is gone and my grandparents are too so there was no way to connect me to Gilmore but when my aunt said I was Carolyn's daughter they instantly knew me. I loved being known only through my mom. She would have loved that Emelia and I went and ate blueberry pie on the lawn of the church where she was baptized, confirmed and married. I felt like for just a day everything was right and I had been so wrong.

My cousin brought a bag to collect candy thrown from the floats, Emelia loved it! The church had a little kiddie carnival, this is Emelia's version of the ring toss. At one point I looked up and she had stolen the ring. Great, my kid is stealing from the church carnival!

Parenting Lessons

This week I am getting yet another lesson in parenting taught by professor Emelia Mae. As a child grows they are continuously going through new phases. When they are in a tough phase you console yourself with the mantra that this too shall pass. The tough thing for me is that wen she is in a good phase I settle in to it like a pair of old slippers. I start to subconsciously think look at how nice this is, I must be a good parent look at how good she is. Then when she leaves that phase behind in favor of the "NO!!!!" phase it crushes my spirit. That is the only way I can describe how I have been feeling this week.

Last week she was saying please and thank you without being prompted and coming up to give spontaneous hugs. This week she is yelling "No!" at the top of her lungs to most requests. We are in a power struggle right now and I fear I may be losing. I am trying desperately to stay calm, be consistent and measure out praise and time outs with authority but I still feel like I am sucking at this. You see that is the hard part for me. I am used to being pretty good at things. Don't get me wrong there are definitely things I am not good at but for the most part I know my limitations and I avoid those things. I have never felt so completely inept in my entire life. I feel like I have no knowledge in this area and worse yet I have nothing to compensate for it. You see I worked for a client most of my life and there were certainly times when I didn't know the answer but I could usually rely on wit or charm or some bs memo to smooth the waters until I could figure things out. The Bible is right "charm is fleeting" because it certainly doesn't work on Emelia unless it is coming from ELMO. It is really hard to spend your day feeling inadequate and then to go to bed knowing tomorrow is going to be the same way.

I was really struggling at the beginning of the week but God has graciously provided other mothers to help me along the way. I had a minor melt down at my women's Bible study this week and instead of feeling judged or silly I felt embraced and comforted knowing every other mom there fessed up to having similar feelings. I also went to the library and checked out 8 books on parenting. From what I have read it seem like t his is a tough age, you may have heard of it, "the terrible twos". Yes, it seems as though we have landed smack dab in the middle of budding independence. I will try really hard to learn form this time and know that it will pass. She isn't going to be my baby forever and I will try to just enjoy the cuddling I get because I know when she does this again at 13 the cuddles will be few and far between.

Mommy and the Seven Dwarfs

Emelia is either teething, entering some new not so nice stage or schizophrenic. This weekend I think she acted like just about every one of the seven dwarfs but she spent an inordinate amount of time being grumpy.

My delightful husband took crabby appleton for a few hours so I could get a pedicure. Man I use to really take those things for granted. When we both worked I got them pretty regularly but they are more of a luxury nowadays and man do I enjoy the heck out of them. The girl even talked me in to getting flowers for my toes. I can hardly stop staring at them.




After my pedicure puppy and I enjoyed some quality relaxation!

Over It

So now I am done with vacay planning. We could go to Turks and Caicos potentially, to a Sesame Street themed Beaches resort or to Disneyworld but it is all so expensive. Jeff needs a vacation and I need a vacation for vacation planning. We want a luxury resort beach vibe but don't know where to really get it outside of the Caribbean/Hawaii. Now I shall go to bed and dream about people from high school again - three nights in a row this week.. Darn that Facebook.

Obsess much?

Oh yes I do. Right now i am obsessed with planning a vacation. I swear I have done NOTHING all day but look at Disneyworld vacations online. I want to go NOW!!!! I love Disney and while I say this will be great for Emelia it will really be great for me. seriously though there are 7 million options for how to plan it. Yikes!

Make Way for Noddy

Jeff and I had a discussion the other night that, after further reflection, is ridiculous and warrants a blog entry. It went something like this...

Jeff - Emelia, did you fart?
Erika - Don't say fart say toot?
Jeff - What is wrong with fart?
Erika - It sounds harsh, and less palatable in public, so use toot.
Jeff - Whatever you say, but she is going to think Noddy is one gassy elf.


You see, Noddy is a PBS show we watch about an elf that lives in Toyland. The opening song goes "Make way for Noddy, he TOOTS his horn to say hooray."

Yes parenthood is one set of ridiculousness after another but I sure do laugh a lot.

Pure Joy

Emelia loves to swing. She would swing for an hour if I would push that long. Sometimes I even go to a playground that has no swings so she will try new things. The playground nearest our house has toddler swings which means no matter how far away we park the stroller/wagon/whatever she will walk right past every other slide/jungle gym/rock wall and head straight for the swings. Then I ask her if she wants to swing and she says "oh okay," like it was my idea.

The look on her face when I pull back the swing and let go is magical. She screams "weeeeee" and just lights up. Often as I watch her I think about how I wish I could experience that kind of joy but then today I realized I do... every time she gets on a swing.

In the routine of cooking dinners and scrubbing toilets I sometimes lose sight of the amazing blessing that I have in being able to be with her and watch her grow and play and learn new words. I take for granted the joy that watching her swing brings to me. Because I am human I miss working sometimes and I miss having colleagues and a sense of worth and importance but I know that I still have worth and importance just a different kind. I wish I could remember that all the time and be able to be fulfilled each day the way I am today. Alas, it is always a struggle but today I will celebrate a day off from that battle and I may even get on a swing myself.

Under the Weather

I'm not sure what that really means but I do sort of feel like I am under a rain cloud. I somehow have a cold in the middle of summer. I don't get it. Two days of staying home have been productive on the cleaning front but no fun on any other front. My bright spot is that So You Think You Can Dance is on and I can't wait.

Get your groove on....

Facebook

So I know I haven't posted anything lately and here is the reason why. FACEBOOK. When we came back from Penny's wedding I decided to get on it because my friend said it was great. Now I am addicted. I have found my college roommate, 20 of my 37 nieces and nephews and a myriad of high school and college acquaintances. What amazes me is how it finds people you know by studying people you have listed as friends. It is one big crazy mystery to me. i love it.

I am a big giant weirdo!


By the way we also went to Iowa this past weekend which is another reason I haven't posted. We tried to take a family photo, here is how it went down.

P.S. I got this photo from my niece's facebook page.

Murphy

Some of you know my dog Murphy. He is quite a character and is a proud member of our household which means he burps a lot, watches reality tv and loves ice cream and french fries. Well he recently got a hair cut and it is really quite funny. When he first got the hair cut I didn't even have the heart to take his picture because you could tell he was embarrassed. It has grown out a bit and he looks cute now so here is Murph before and after....

Super Summer Day

Today was a great day. We went to Costco and only bought what we went there for. (Miracle!) Then this afternoon we went to the pool. It was so much fun for all of us. Emelia even learned a new trick.

Daddy burped and said excuse me and Emelia now likes to make a burp noise and then says "cu me" she likes it even more when I say "excuuuuuuuuse you."

Great.

The Pros

I can't adequately describe how I feel right now. Joy is the word I come up with but that doesn't seem like enough. Emelia just gave me a big hug and announced "I wuv you." I have told her a million times that I love her and we practice saying I love you but she has never said it as a sentence or better yet a pronouncement. You see, she can't really talk, she can repeat words and she can identify simple things like dog and book but sentences are limited to repeating after me or Hi puppy. For her to, unprompted, tell me she loves me makes my heart soar. To know that she feels about me even a fraction of the way that I feel about her even though I fail her every day in some small way, is more than I can actually take in.

Thuy, this is the best pro for having kids, I am sorry I can't do it justice so you can know what it feels like but it honestly makes every pain, tear, sleepless night and cranky day worth it.

TV is weird

I am sure most of you know that Tim Russert died on Friday. He was a noted political analyst for NBC news and a favorite in the Mochal household. He was such a great commentator but he seemed like he could be your neighbor so his opinions were that much more relevant. He spoke in plain English and seemed like an overwhelmingly good guy. I have been really sad all weekend about his death. Yes, I realize that I don't actually know him so it is weird that I have been so upset about his death. I kept hearing about how strong his faith was so I hope to see him in heaven one day.

The thing that has been bugging me is it makes me think a lot about health issues in general. We have been working on eating better, eating more vegetables and what not but we struggle with exercise. I do better than Jeff because it is easier for me to carve out time since they have childcare at our gym. I worry about Jeff though. I just don't know where he can add exercise on a consistent basis in t o his schedule. God bless him he talks about working out in the evening but he really values that time with Em. Maybe we can try evening walks as a family or something. I don't know but I know God wants us to care for our bodies since they are the temple of the holy spirit, but I wish then that God would not have allowed french fries to be invented. I think I will start a new prayer campaign for Jeff's health. Sometimes I feel like I just hand God a laundry list of things that I am worried about but I am not sure how else to approach my prayer life. Does anyone have any tips or reference books to recommend? You know I like a good instruction manual.

Father's Day

Since today is Father's Day I shall compose a list of ten things I love about my dad and ten things Emelia loves about hers...

My Dad
1. He loves me no matter how many times I was a rebellious jerk in high school.
2. He has always been proud of me and probably always will be.
3. When he sees Emelia he wants to capture every smile in a picture.
4. He is not afraid to wear a Hawaiian print shirt.
5. Our relationship has been all over the map but we have come to the spot of loving each other and being comfortable in that love, no matter what.
6. He loves chain emails - that makes me laugh.
7. He put me through school.
8. When it rains anywhere in the midwest he calls to make sure we are okay - you can image the phone calls we have gotten with the rain/tornadoes/floods.
9. I am exactly like him and even when I wish I wasn't I am glad I at least know what makes me who I am.
10. He loves a good Disney movie just like me.

Emelia's Dad
1. He doesn't care how dirty I get or if my clothes match as long as we are together.
2. He lets me watch more Elmo than mommy.
3. He loves to take me places.
4. Mommy sometimes goes away to visit people and we have so much fun.
5. He plays "cut the pickle, tickle tickle tickle" with me.
6. He doesn't like it when I get shots.
7. He plays me lots of melancholy british rock songs from his iPod.
8. He plays with all my toys in the bathtub.
9. When we go to the park he will push me on the swings forever!
10. He is the best daddy in the whole world.

More fun than one girl should be allowed to have

My last two days have consisted of a two-hour trip to Super Walmart with a cranky toddler, a visit to the gynecologist and eight hours of traffic school. The only thing missing is a dentist appointment.

I did learn something interesting in traffic school though. Apparently the federal government gives out millions of dollars in "traffic enforcement grants" each spring to fund police overtime to catch speeders and other miscellaneous traffic hooligans. The average traffic school class size is 20, there were 70 people in my class today. Nothing says spring like a ticket!

I'm a good housekeeper I swear

We are very in to puzzles right now and this is what the living room looked like when Emelia went down for nap. Yes that is an outdoor toy in the living room because of the bad storms I brought them in last night, there is a slide behind the couch, don't look.

Are those the welcome home sirens?

Apparently no, they are the tornado sirens. We got back from LA on Monday night late and so I was just starting to get back in the swing of things yesterday and then we had a rough night. Bad storms kicked up right as we were putting the baby down for the night. Needless to say she didn't go to sleep and cried instead which turned out to be a blessing since we had to hightail it down to the basement a half hour later anyway.

My heart breaks for the parents of the boys killed at the boy scout camp. It must be so awful, you send your child off to summer camp and they never come home. I can't began to think about it. I just pray that they know the peace that only God can provide right now.

On a brighter note, our trip to LA was fun but trying. Emelia's schedule posed some challenges but she did great at the wedding. She LOVED the band and could not get enough of the music and dancing. The wedding was beautiful and went off without a hitch at least as far as I could tell. Penny looked amazing and we had good times together. I was so overcome with emotion to see her so happy. It was great!

I don't have any photos from the wedding but their photographer took some great ones. Here are some pics of us doing the tour of our LA faves - In N' Out, Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and the pool.

Summer Lovin'

So I think it is officially summer, at least it feels like it around here. It is hot and sticky and we have a thunderstorm every three days. I think I was hoping since it was so much colder here during the winter it would also be cooler during the summer, I don't think that is the case.

We had a nice weekend, fairly uneventful. We had some friends over for a barbecue on Saturday and then went to the pool on Sunday. Emelia seemed to have a great time but the sun sucked the energy right out of her. She fell asleep sitting on Jeff's lap midway through eating a snack.

Penny is getting married this weekend in Southern California so we are getting ready for that trip. We leave on Thursday. It should be fun. I am much more relaxed about Emelia flying this time. Armed with the portable DVD player I think we can handle anything. I am hoping to get some fun new pictures while we are out there.

Things around here have been pretty mundane lately. I am grateful for that. I have begun to pray over Emelia while she sleeps. I also pray with her when she wakes up in the morning and as part of our nap/bedtime ritual. I have been reading the book "The New Strong Willed Child" (thank you Korri) which suggested the prayer while they sleep. I pray that God would not break her spirit but that he would bend her will to his and it really is working. Oh she still has tantrums and fusses but I am not seeing the outright defiance in her. I also feel like God is granting me more control over the feelings those tantrums bring up in me. I feel more contained and qualified to handle the situation.

I love her so much but she can make me madder than anyone else on earth. God is really working on me in that respect. I really am so grateful for it.

Severe Weather

So right now I am blogging to keep my imagination from running wild but I may be a little too late. All day the weather folks have been predicting "severe weather" which means strong winds, quarter size hail and tornadoes. I don't know why but I get really freaked out by this. If I stop to think about it I can rationally say if I die today I know I am going to heaven and heaven is way better than Omaha. (Not a knock on Omaha, just the truth) I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of other people that I care about dying and leaving me here. I am terribly afraid of losing people.

I also have visions of us all holed up in the basement with no water and no food and the house falling down around us. There is nothing in this house I cant live without. There isn't even really anything from a sentiment stand point that I would be devastated about but still, I do like my stuff, especially my Tivo.

I really am scared. I think now I will stop blogging and start praying.

My Best Friend's Wedding

My best friend since seventh grade is getting married on June 8th. I am so excited. I love her fiancee and I love them together. I can actually see how happy he makes her and how much he cares about her. I am in the wedding so we are off to California for the occasion.

I feel like I am packing for a year. Our bags weigh 47 and 39 pounds respectively. We have a stroller, car seat and two backpacks to carry on. Oh yeah and a toddler. Look out Expressjet, here we come. I am not too worried. The last time she flew she did great, then again, the last time she flew she still got a morning bottle and bink on demand. I do have the bink in the carryon for safe keeping but I don't plan to give it to her unless things get REALLY REALLY bad.

I feel prepared. The dress is altered, my hair is dyed (i am blonde again) the shoes have been purchased and most importantly i am ready to love on Penny and Alastair all weekend long! Woo hoo!

Dream Big

Okay so I know there are more important things in life than television and that goes double for "reality" television, but I am a sucker for an emotional moment. Last night's American Idol finale delivered for me. I LOVE David Cook. I love that he was unassuming, talented and a self-proclaimed "word nerd". I love a good come from behind story and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that he won!!!!!!! (Yes I am reduced to all caps and multiple exclamation points.) I have not pulled for someone on American Idol since Carrie Underwood. I have watched but not voted and on Tuesday I voted for an hour for David Cook fearing that really talented but irritating David Archuleta would win. I know he is great and I know he is sweet but for reasons I can't explain he makes me crazy. After Simon all but anointed him on Tuesday I knew I had to do my part or not complain about the results.

Jeff really had me going. We watched the finale off of the Tivo and he looked on the computer to see who won. When he told me the winner won by 12 million votes I knew it was Archuleta. There is no way that if Cook won he won by that much. I was in fact wrong, which only added to the drama!

Now on to So You Think You Can Dance which I also LOVE!!!!!!!!

Seriously?

So I went to the zoo on Friday with a new friend from church. We had a really nice time. The weather was lovely. On the way home Emelia conked out about one minute after we got in the car. I decided to drive out to Whole Foods. Bad decision. I was unfamiliar with teh highway because I was trying to navigate from downtown and thus I was paying close attention to teh street signs and not my speed. (Do you see where this is going?) You guessed it, I got another speeding ticket. By the grace of God - literally this one was in Douglas County while my other one was in Sarpy county so I think I am eligible fro traffic school again. This traffic school is cheaper but longer. I am not sure which is worse paying more money or spending four more hours in traffic school.

Poor Daddy

Emelia and I are looking at a Sesame Street book. I am asking her who each of the characters are... It goes something like this.

Point to a picture of Elmo, ask, who is that? EM-MO

Point to a picture of Big Bird, ask, who is that? Bi Berd

Point to a picture of Ernie, ask, who is that? Er rie

Point to a picture of Bert, ask , who is that? DADDY!!!!

Too little time too many teeth

We are teething again and I am reminded again, it stinks. Today went like this...

Walk around Walnut Creek Lake, thank God for the beauty of the day and the goodness of family and just general gratefulness. Get half way around the lake, stop at the playground, play, tell Emelia once more down the slide then we are going to go SHE LISTENS and we leave without freaking out. Spend more time thanking God. Get to the last stretch and she begins to fuss, get home, immediately down for a nap even though it is only 11:15. Okay fine. Take my lunch out in the back yard and sit in the sun reading a magazine. I almost felt like I was 14 again minus the baby oil and sun-in, LOVED it. Emelia wakes up, we go to the gym, I work out, still feeling good. Then WHAM, meltdown in Target, first public spanking. Let her sit in the cart for on minute time out while I was around the corner. Pick her up and tell her that I love her but that she can't scream when she doesn't get her way and she definitely can't kick mommy. She gives me a hug, I congratulate myself for handling that well and then she freaks out again. We leave. I want to drive off a cliff. Instead I drive to Marshalls because I need her to be contained for awhile while I get my emotions in check. We were trying to go t o teh mall because it is farther away but my bladder couldn't hold out. Have a fun time at Marshalls and try to remember for next time "this too shall pass."

Tough Week, Great Weekend

So it has been a little bit of a tough week at our house. I was super busy getting the house ready for another round of visitors plus we painted a couple of the rooms so there is all of the furniture moving that goes along with that. On top of everything else things have been a little strained between Jeff and I. Money has been tight because we basically had to pay for my biopsy out of pocket because we have a pretty high deductible for our insurance. (Our insurance is good but the deductible is high but they give you money towards the deductible but it comes over the course of the year which doesn't help when you have a 4,000 biopsy in March.)

In addition to being a little stressed about money I haven't been sleeping well. I haven't really slept well since I stopped nursing Emelia in February. The doctor prescribed Ambien which was great but you can't stay on it forever so I slowly weaned myself from it and now basically I fall asleep but wake up around 12:00 and can't get back to sleep until 2:00. Then I sleep pretty good until 4:00 and then I toss and turn for another couple hours and then I get up. Needless to say not getting enough sleep makes for a very cranky girl. I am not sure how, but I actually felt like I was sleeping better when she was a new born. On top of all of this I haven't been exercising consistently which makes me feel like a sloth and I have been eating crap. So I just felt off. On Saturday I woke up feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I am not sure why but I needed to tackle grocery shopping and with food being so expensive, I knew I was going to have to keep a tight reign on things to get through the pay period. I pretty much had a panic attack in Wal-Mart. There were so many people and I just felt like I was going to throw up constantly. When I finally left I couldn't remember where I parked so I couldn't find my car. When I found it I got in in and sobbed. I felt like I couldn't get it together and I felt like Jeff didn't care and I felt unloved and I felt overwhelmed and I felt like the world was getting really small around me.

When I got home I talked to Jeff about it and we had a really good talk. Neither of us was feeling supported and both of us were feeling unloved and it was quietly breaking us down a little at a time. God really worked things out for us because normally when I am that worked up I am really ugly and then Jeff shuts down and we end up going nowhere fast. We were both able to keep our head and heart in the conversation and talk about how we were feeling and how to get through it. I felt like a new woman. The rest of the weekend was really good. We went for walks and played in the park and sat out in the back yard in the sunshine reading and talking.

I know this is a pretty personal thing to write about but I really don't want to forget how scared and terrible I felt Saturday morning and how alive and restored I felt Saturday afternoon. I want to remember God's power so that the next time I am in the valley I don't try to "get myself together" when I should be asking God to get me together.