Speaking of Poop...

Warning - the following post is perhaps more info than anyone wanted to know but after the thought popped in my head I thought "I must record this mom moment."

Have you ever walked in to a bathroom at someone else's house and thought "The person who was in here before me must have pooped."  You have this response not because it smells like poop but because it smells like lilac-scented poop.  This used to happen often at my grandma's house.  The grandkids would inevitably eat a bunch of junk but we were all pre-teens and were embarrassed that we pooped.  Grandma always had a can of air freshener on the back of the toilet - usually orchard spice or some such nonsense.  So you would walk in to the bathroom and it smelled like apple pie poop.  Gross, I know.

So Sam has been eating a lot of blueberries lately.  By a lot I mean I think he has eaten two cups in the last two and a half days.  So tonight I took off his shorts and his diaper was full.  I thought "that's strange" because when Sam poops people next door can smell it.  When I opened his diaper I was immediately taken back to grandmas', because it smelled like blueberry poop.  It also looked like blueberry pie filling.  Instead of being completely grossed out I was oddly nostalgic for grandma's apple pie poop bathroom.

Parenting Tips from a Priss

I confess, I am kind of a priss.  Not so much in demeanor but in my avoidance of dirt.  I am not a germaphobe and I have no issue with the things I can not see in dirt (like e-coli or what not), it is the mess that I see that bothers me.  (If you have known me since high school or college and have seen my room you will know that this has NOT been a life long problem.)  I somehow have come to equate pristine with serene.  When everything is in its' place then all will be peaceful.  (I don't know where I got this.)  I don't like it when my kids' faces are dirty or their clothes for that matter.  I don't like to make a mess and I don't like to play in the dirt.  I am not an outdoorsy girl.  I am not even a sporty girl.  I like to watch sports but I still have traumatic memories of doge ball and gym class.

I am trying desperately not to pass this on to Emelia.  I can't tell you how many times I would be sick to my stomach knowing someone was going to ask me to play volleyball at a picnic or softball at a company outing.  I don't want Emelia to go through that.  So I really try to be encouraging about playing sports and not being afraid of balls and the like.  I am not so good about letting everyone get messy.  Things have gotten better since Sam came because he is somehow inherently dirty - all the time.  I try to just let them be.    Messiness is not the end of the world and I am all for letting kids be kids.  Emelia does have some priss tendencies - she doesn't like to walk on sand and she is like the princess and the pea if one grain of sand gets in her shoes.  Sam could care less - you go buddy.

Today God gave me an excellent opportunity to practice priss-free parenting.  We went for a walk around the lake.  It is a 3.5 mile walk and then we stop at the playground.  It has been raining since Sunday here so there was lots of water.  When I tried to be fun and take a trail out to a little island I pushed the double wide through about five inches of mud.  So now my tires are covered in mud as are my shoes.  Okay, I will deal.    We get to the playground and the sand is all wet and Emelia and Sam are shoveling in it.  Sam proceeds to EAT a shovelful - with a smile and a few rocks spit back out.  Okay, I will deal.  Emelia has to go to the bathroom... in the outhouse.  Okay, still dealing.  Now Sam is covered in wet sand from head to toe and Emelia wants a snack.  We head back to the car and I dust Sam off the best I can, I use a wipe to wash hands and I throw in some sanitizer for good measure.  I hand each half a fruit and cereal bar.  Sam mashes it up and shoves as much of it in to his mouth as he can.  The rest he smears in his hair.   I give up.  We are going to Target, they will look like rug rats and I am just going to have to suck it up and deal.  I did just that.  We weren't pristine but we had fun, got what we needed and no one gave us a dirty look.  The woman at the bakery even gave us a free cookie.

Maybe messy is more fun.      

Baseball Babies

For Father's Day I had a friend of mine take some pictures of the kids in their Cardinals gear for Jeff.  It was not the best photo shoot either of them has had.  Halfway through they both had to break for a snack and that is when we got my favorite photo...

This one cracks me up because Emelia is trying to "put her arm around" Sam but she ends up choking him and looks delighted while Sam just looks put out.

Everyone Poops

This book is Emelia's current bedtime read of choice.  Why this book and why now I don't know.  The only thing I can think of is that bodily functions are funny at our house.

Jeff and my mom had something in common you see - they both loved potty humor.  My mom would stand in the card aisle for an hour trying to find just the right fart card.  Jeff makes up songs about poop and pee.  Abba's "Lovin' Me Lovin' You" turns in to Goin' Pee, Goin' Poo, I do numbers one and two.  Emelia and he father make each other laugh by playing a game called I want to eat... (then they fill in the blank with poopy diapers, or underpants or tushies.)  I try to discourage this because the first time she blurted out that she wanted to eat underpants in line at Target I about died.  Jeff is now on board with discouraging this but he can't help himself sometimes.

The other day Emelia tooted, I know because I could smell it.  I asked "did you toot" and she giggled and said "aahhhh it smells rosy!"  Then she proceeded to laugh hysterically.  I am pretty sure my mom was giggling right along with her up in heaven.

I try not to be a stick in the mud but my manners alarm goes off in huge ways when this stuff comes up, which is ironic given my mom's love of the word fart.  So,  alas we try to compromise by reading Everyone Poops.

What a Difference a Day Makes

Thank you to all my friends who sent me notes or phone calls of encouragement.  It really was helpful just two get it out on paper (not really paper but you know what I mean.)  God also used many different moments (calls from friends lyrics from a song, etc.) to give me a hug and say buck up camper.  Today I am filled with wonder at how good God is.  I feel like the funk has lifted and I can rejoice in who I am.  (By the way I put sugar in my coffee - and I am done thinking about it.)  I am certain there will still be days when I wish I was still a career woman but such is life,

Today is Sam's birthday.  Can you believe he is one year old?  As I was writing in my devotional this morning, there were days when I didn't think either one of us would make it to today.  Those first eight months were really hard, those first six weeks were mind-numbing.  So many times I yelled at God, where are you?  Why won't you make him sleep?  God was gentle and let me have my hissy fits and then reminded me that he never said life would be easy only that I would not have to bear it alone.  I just hope that some day I can help someone else when they are in the midst of a baby crisis.

I recently did a picture wall at my house, I am hoping to post pics soon but here are some of the pictures from that all.  Happy birthday Sam!

Value

This past week I have been in a funk.  To be honest I have been feeling dumb and a little worthless.  If I look back I think I usually cycle through this feeling about every six months or so and it frustrates me that I can not shake it for good.  Logically I know I am an intelligent person but recently I am plagued by passing thoughts like "you are just a dumb housewife and you have no real value."  There are days when I pick up, sweep up, mop up and clean up incessantly, it is a never ending task with no real sense of accomplishment because it never gets "done".  I know I have two small children and I know that I am honoring God and that I am doing a good thing raising my kids but knowing those things and feeling those things are very different.  I believe that my emotions often lead me down the wrong path because they are not always based on truth and they are very hard to ignore.  I wish I knew some way to confront the emotions and take the sting out of them.

When I worked I had clients who regularly told me how much they valued my experience and my insight.  At this point I feel like I have no real knowledge to share with the world.  Most days I feel like I have no idea what I am doing and I really don't like that spot.  I used to be confident and even if I was not completely sure of a decision I could sell it to anyone within earshot.  Now I spend fifteen minutes debating wether to use sugar or splenda in my coffee because I can't decide which is worse, the calories from sugar or the chemicals from splenda.  Should I be eating this piece of string cheese?  Should I let Sam have an oatmeal raisin flax cookie?  Why doesn't Sam listen when I say no, is he too young or am I doing something wrong?  Am I teaching Emelia that happiness comes from things when I get her a new doll?  How can I find time to go to the gym, get my chores done and make sure Sam gets two naps?  Am I a bad friend?  Am I a bad mom?  Am I a bad wife?  Am I a bad christian?    I sometimes feel like I am being held captive by the never ending doubts in my head.  If I don't focus on a specific thing I can just become lost inside my own brain.  Normally I do a pretty good job of navigating this sea of craziness but last week I could not seem to right my ship on that sea.  Then I get mad at myself for not capturing my thoughts and taming my tongue and all the other things the Bible says to do and then I end up in this tailspin.  

I am not sure why I am writing about this other than that maybe getting it out would help me to tame it.  Writing about it does seem  to bring some clarity to the funk.  I have been having trouble identifying what I was feeling.  The trouble with feelings is that they have no merit.  They are not based on reality most of the time nor are they based on logic but I don't know what to do with these things.  How do you place a value on your day when you stay at home?  I think I start to assign value based on the nutritional value of my children's food, the cleanliness of my house, the behavior of my children, the things checked off my to-do list, etc.  The problem with that is then I always fail.  Not a day goes by that the floors are not dirty,  I don't drink enough water, I have not had enough quiet time with God, my children have not  eaten enough vegetables, we have not watched too much TV according the AAP, I haven't worked out enough, etc.  I try to tell myself that some days I just have to be "enough" and be satisfied with putting in a good effort because  no one ever died from watching too much Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or eating a fruit snack.  In my mind I believe that, but these feelings of inadequacy just mount until I feel worthless and filled with doubt.  Maybe the problem is not that I don't have enough knowledge, maybe I have too much knowledge.  Maybe if I did not know about the toddler food pyramid and the AAP guidelines for TV viewing for children and the "seven rules for raising well-behaved kids" I would not know everything I wasn't doing right.  I don't know, I guess for now the best I can do is pray, try to clean the kitchen and have another cup of coffee with splenda since I put sugar in the last cup.         

Emelia's List

Emelia told me she was making a list, which for her is squiggles on paper, but she loves list making.  (Wonder where she gets that!?!)  I asked her what was one her list and this is what she said...

Peanut Butter
Chocolate
Milk
Exerists (a made up word that she says is "fancy" for candy)

Not a bad list if you are three...

Cutie Pies

I have not posted photos in awhile mostly because I did not know how to get the pics off our new camera but today I did it!  (Go me!)  Here are some funny pics of the kids.

Sam got in to Emelia's markers (washable thank goodness) and here is the result.

Emelia saw this dress on our first ever girl's shopping trip.  She got to try it on in the fitting room.  She loved the whole experience.  She also had her first piece of chewing gum that day.  It was a big day.

Sam is a really good eater.  He seems to really eat almost anything you put in front of him except fruit.  He only likes bananas, which is funny since Emelia only liked fruit at this age.  They are just so different.  Here he is enjoying spaghetti.

When the weather finally got nice we started venturing out but one day we were supposed to hit the zoo but rain sent us to the Children's Museum instead.  They both had a blast.

Sam thinks his sister is about the funniest person ever.  He is such a big fan.  She is good with him but sometimes feels more strongly about her Barbie than she does Sam.  It will be intersting to see where their relationship goes throughout the years.  I remember having a conversation with my friend Amber about something relating to her brother and her level of love and devotion to him has always stuck with me as I think about Sam and Emelia.  I just pray that they end up the same way.   

One thing is for sure life is never boring.

6:58 and all is well

It is 6:58 a.m. and I am the only one awake in my house.  This is unprecedented.  Em and Sam are both usually awake by 6:30 at least, one blessing from daylight savings time because Sam used to think 5:00 a.m. was a good wake up time.  I had a cup of coffee, did my Bible study had some quiet time with God.  Yahoo!  What a good start to my day.  We went to the playground last night and I am pretty sure the fresh air is knocking them out.  It has been five months since we had any so  it is refreshing.

I better go wake Jeff up.  We have not had to set an alarm since Sam was born so he might be late for work.

More wit and wisdom from my three year old....  The other day I was mad at myself because I went to Hobby Lobby to purchase 2 yards of ribbon to finish this projects I was working on.  I found that and more.  Well I left the ribbon at the store.  Ugh!  Emelia asked what was wrong and I said I was frustrated.  She said "mommy, do you need to take a deep breath or have a little quiet time with God?"  Yes, Emelia I probably do. 

Mini March Madness

Apparently Emelia has been watching March Madness with her daddy.  The other day she told me her pony's name was "whitey".  This is what Jeff calls every Caucasian player whose name he doesn't know when watching basketball.  (e.g, "Give it to Whitey, he's wide open.)  All other players get called by their number but for some reason the white guys don't.  I don't ask why, I just go with it.    By the way, in case you were wondering, Emelia told me her other pony's name is Murray State.  Awesome!  

Off the Wagon

I seem to have fallen off the blog wagon.  February is always a sort of yucky month.  As usual this one was no different.  It has been five years since my mom died and one year since Jeff's dad died.  It is hard to believe.  On the 26 a good friend of ours lost his father and earlier this month a friend of mine lost a baby.  It just seems like such a strange thing.  I am adding it to my list of questions for heaven.  February also seems to mark the time of year when I am so DONE with winter.  March is never a whole lot warmer in actual degrees but it feels like spring is coming.  It was 43 degrees and I almost busted out my flip flops.  Needless to say I am happy to welcome March.

Things seem to be relatively calm right now.  I should not actually even write that because the second I start to settle in I feel like I unravel shortly thereafter.  I did want to take a minute and document some of the funny things Emelia has been saying lately.  She is just becoming such a little person.  She cracks me up.  She is also so cute I just want to squish her half the time. 

On our recent road trip to Bloomington we were in a McDonald's restroom where I was trying to get her to go potty before we got back in the car and she was sitting on the toilet singing and bopping around.  I said Emelia focus, go pee pee.  She proclaimed loud and proud " Buttocks, make pee-pee." I use the term tush but Jeff uses the term buttocks, needless to say I know where she picked that up.

This morning she was in the bathroom and she said "excuse me, I would like some company."  Really?

She is really picking up on what we say.  I try to teach her things and I get frustrated because it seems like she is not getting it and then one day she will just blurt it out.  I was trying to tell her that we live in Omaha but she said no we live in a house.  Yes, that is true but, nevermind.  It did not seem to sink in and then two weeks later we were on our road trip and she said I want to go back to Omaha. 

She is just a funny little noodle.  So far this is my favorite stage.  Sam is also hitting a good streak.  I can't wait until he starts talking so I can really see his personality shining through.  He already has clear preferences in food and books.  He will eat almost anything but fruit.  He only wants to eat things that he can pick up.  He has a tough time with fruit because it is slipery.  He likes fruit and yogurt and will still occasionally eat fruit if I puree it but he will eat a whole can of pinto bean in three days time.  He routinely eats more than Emelia at meal time.  Like his sister before him he loves cheese.  He usually eats an entire thing of string cheese for dinner.  I made these applesauce muffins that have butternut squash in them and he LOVES them.  They are full of good stuff.  One day he had a few to many and pooped three times in two hours.

At this very moment in this exact spot life is pretty darn good.  I thank God for that and try to bask in the glow of His grace for the moment.

Difference

I have come to realize that life with your second child is much different than life with your first.  For instance...

I fished a small plastic squirrel out of Sam's mouth and noticed his tongue was bright blue.  The exact bright blue as the play-doh Emelia had been playing with.  I looked on the package of play-doh and it said "fun to play with not to eat."  Yet no where did it say if ingested blah blah blah.  So I assumed it was not a great idea to eat it but it was probably non-toxic.  Now, if that had been Emelia with a blue tongue I would have been on the phone with poison control while looking up play-doh toxicity on the Internet and calling my Dr. on the cell phone.  Oh well, Sam is fine, and besides it probably tasted better than the dog food I fished out of his mouth earlier.

Blah

What a blah day.  I feel like I just walked around in a stupor all day.  Jeff is out of town and so it makes for long days.  Emelia was up at 1:00 with a bad dream.  I woke up all sweaty at 4:30 and then Emelia decided it was really time to get up at 6:30.  I don't mind 6:30 but on the heels of a sleep deprived morning it was not pretty.  I basically stayed in my pajamas all day.  We all did.  Emelia couldn't be happier and Sam doesn't know the difference but I think it just contributes to the blahs.  It snowed off and on all day which is why we did not go anywhere.  It was just a weird stereotypical stay-at-home mom day.  I washed clothes, picked up toys, fed children, changed diapers, looked up a poop question on the internet, talked to a friend on the phone, ate leftovers (while standing up feeding Sam), washed dishes, handed out one spanking and two time outs,  nursed, prayed, wished it was summer and pre-made the coffee so I can get up and do it all again tomorrow. 

 We are supposed to have our mom's group at church tomorrow.  At last, a reason to get dressed.

Decision 2010

No I am not talking about the midterm elections, I am talking about paint colors.  I currently have nine, yes nine, paint samples painted on the wall. Since I am painting the entire downstairs, except the office, my paint color must look good on many walls so I have nine paint swatches on three different walls and my kitchen island.  The guy at Home Depot thinks I am nuts, I have bought nine samplesize paints over the course of one week.  I sort of think I am nuts too, but this is a big undertaking so I want to get it right.  I am scared to paint but I have watched enough HGTV that I think I can do just about anything.  We will soon see.  I have been imagining how the living room would look for about nine months now.  I lay awake at night thinking about how the living room will look.  I am not sure why this has become such a big deal to me but I am sort of obsessed.  I think maybe because it is like my office now.  I spend so much time there.  I also think I like a good project.  I like to plan and prep and imagine and create.  I am not great at this but I feel like I am getting better at it but most importantly I am enjoying it. 

Reprioritizing

This weekend Jeff went to a men's retreat at church. He came home with some interesting thoughts.

He decided it was time to fix our marriage - now. Our marriage is not broken but it is neglected. We both know it and we openly talk about it but we both just sort of feel like we can recommitt to each other when Sam is a little older and not so demanding. The problem with that reasoning, as Jeff says, is who or what will we be when Sam is less demanding. You can only walk in opposite directions for so long before you are to far away from each other to get back.

It is sort of like a car, you have to do routine maintenance so the engine doesn't fall apart. We had a great conversation yesterday when he returned. It was such a relief.

It is sort of like the elephant in the room that no one talks about. I love my husband and I know that he loves me but lately we have not been taking time for each other. We have not been considerate of one another and we have not been focused on one another. We have been really just getting by.

I am thrilled to reclaim my marriage because the most important thing I can do for my children is love and honor their father.

Not Much to Report

Sam has been sleeping a little better the last two nights. He still wakes up but he is able to get himself back to sleep. I think I got eight hours of sleep last night. Hooray!

Emelia has officially given up her nap but she is doing well with quiet time. She goes into her room and watches a movie on the portable dvd player. She has time to just relax and I have time to not have to talk to anyone. It works out ok. I usually only get an hour but it is better than nothing. If you had told me three months ago that she was going to give up her nap I would have been devestated and fought it kicking and screaming but we have just sort of settled in to this new reality. Who knows,maybe when she starts preschool in the fall whe will resume her naps.

We are in the process of checking out preschools. I am not sure what I should even be looking for but luckily I have a book that tells me. : ) I have started doing school with her in the afternoon while Sam is naping. We just do letter/numbers/phonics. She knows all of her letters and can count to twenty. She is starting to get the hang of some phonics stuff. I need to try to find a book to guide me but right now we just use and alphabet book and talk about letters and sounds.

Other than that there is not much left to report. Oh, we got a new couch, I love it! I think I will go sit on it right now

What a day

The high points of my day...

On the way home from the gym (high point number one) Emelia said "Look mommy the pink angel." This is a reference to the angels who came to the shepherds to tell them about Jesus' birth. In our book there are several angels and they are all different colors. Emelia wanted to know their names so I named them by their colors. I looked around expecting to see a billboard or something with an angel. I didn't see anything so I asked her where she saw the pink angel and she pointed to a beautiful sunset. I said, "It is the pink angel." She said, "God sent her to our house." Indeed He did sweet girl...

Then tonight I came downstairs after putting Sam down and I waited for Jeff to come down after putting Emelia down. Then I waited and waited and waited. When he didn't come down I went upstairs. He wasn't in our room so I peeked in to Emelia's room and he was fast asleep on her bed next to her, lights on. Apparently they were "relaxing" waiting for me to come say goodnight. Collective awwww coming now.

So Tired

It was lovely outside yesterday - 41 degrees for the high. We ran through the sprinklers. I'm kidding but it was warm. I am not sure if it is the fluctuating temperatures or what but no one in our house is sleeping well right now. Sam is waking up periodically throughout the night. He usually gets himself back to sleep but I can't say the same for the mommy and the daddy. Emelia is trying to give up her nap so she sleeps about every fifth day but has quiet time otherwise. Sam went down for his morning nap at 8:00. Really? What is our problem? I don't know but I hope we figure it out soon before we all turn in to zombies - not the creepy kind, just the sleepy kind.

By the Way...

I just took the dog outside and thought, "Man it is nice outside today!" The current temperature - 24 degrees.

It is all about perspective folks.

Spoke to Soon

Yesterday was a really good day. We went to church on Saturday night so we had a very leisurely morning. We went to Hy-Vee for breakfast and the kids were really good. Sam was content to munch crackers and puffs, Emelia ate two helpings of everything from the breakfast buffet, I got to drink an entire cup of coffee - while it was hot. Yippe skippy!

It just all felt very relaxed. Jeff and I were commenting on what a difference a month makes. After we came back from Turks and Caicos we decided to stop going out to eat for awhile because Sam just made it miserable. He was not happy in a high chair and wanted to be held but that left one of us eating one handed and both of us shoveling food into our mouths like a little Japanese man eating hot dogs on one of those competitive eating shows. Now he sits nicely in his high chair and munches on finger foods for the most part.

Last night at small group we were commenting on how we feel like we are finally hitting a groove, Sam is sleeping well, no one has been sick, we are just sort of back in the swing of things. Then we all went to bed...

At about 1:30 Emelia woke up crying and tried to come in our room but the door had shut and she couldn't get in. She had to go potty and ended up peeing in her pull up and was very upset. (Why she came to our room and not the bathroom first I don't know.) Fine, she went back to sleep. About ten minutes later Sam started sreaming - she had woken him up we think. It took an hour to get him back to sleep and his screaming woke Emelia up again. She proceeded to throw up in her bed. It was just a little bit but now it is 2:30 and I am changing sheets and pajamas. I thought maybe they would sleep late since they were both up during the night. Nope, Sam was chipper at 6:40 just like usual.

Here's to a better night tonight.