And the Bottom Drops Out

So last Thursday was the hardest day I have had since I brought the baby home. I wasn't sure if I wanted to write about it for several reasons. One, I don't particularly like what I saw of myself that day, two, in hindsight it wasn't that bad. Then I realized that in the moment that day, it was that bad and I felt awful. So much of our society portrays motherhood as this idealized romantic emotionally fulfilling thing. On most days it is or can be all of that. There are days I love her so much it hurts. Then there are days I love her but I don't really like her. That sounds awful, even to me as I read it, but that is the truth and I can't help it.

The trouble is she wouldn't nap. She didn't want to even be put down and when I tried the sleep training method for naps she cried for 45 minutes. That is a really long time. In addition I was struggling to try and work on some projects and my printer wasn't working and the phone line was staticy and the sky was blue. It started to feel like everything was against me and there was no end in sight. Jeff called in the middle of all of this and I was just so mad at him. Actually no, I wasn't mad at him, I was mad and he was there. Why is it that we are the meanest to those who love us the most? Maybe because we can rest in the knowledge that no matter how awful we are they will forgive us.

Jeff came home and we managed to get her to be fairly calm and then we put her down for bed and she cried. She probably only cried for about 20 minutes but again, that feels like a day and a half when it comes at the end of a long day. At one point I went and sat in the car because it was the only place I couldn't hear her. The worst part about it is I wish I could tell you that I couldn't listen to her cry because it breaks my heart but at that point I couldn't listen to her cry because I wanted to throw things.

When I look back on it I know there are a couple of things that contributed to that day being so bad. Some of it is my personality, my anal nature makes failure and an inability to get things done very hard for me. I wish that would get better but I am not sure it will, I am working on it. Part of it is that the weather has been very cold which makes it hard to get out to get some fresh air and that is hard for me. A lot of it is that I was not able to take a step back and be still and know that God will get me through. The sermon in church on Sunday was about God's promises. It was very powerful to me because the pastor asked, why is it so hard for us to remember God's promises? It was humbling.

At the end of it all I only pray that next time a day like that comes along (and I am not foolish enough to think that it won't) I hope I can take a deep breath, pray for help, let myself be loved and remember what a blessing she is to me.

Opening Day

So I know I have been sort of quiet lately and that is mostly because life has not been quiet for us. My dad was here the weekend of the 18th for the baby dedication. We had a great visit. He and Nancy seemed to really enjoy the baby and she was good. Then that next week we had a little bit of a baby melt down. For some reason she started hysterically crying on Thursday night and then she did it again on Friday night. On top of that she didn't want to be laid down and she was up constantly throughout the night. I almost wish she had never slept through the night so early because then we would not know what we are missing. Now she sleeps through the night maybe two nights a week. The last two nights we have had better nights and have only woken up once, ate and went back to sleep relatively peacefully. I think the problem is that she is now aware enough of her surroundings to know when and how she is falling asleep. I am reading a sleep book by Dr. Richard Ferber that basically says if they fall asleep in your arms and then they wake up and they are not in your arms they will not be able to go back to sleep. He likens it to if you fell asleep each night in your bed and suddenly you woke up and you were in the living room and not only that but the door to your bedroom was locked. Well you would wake someone up to let you back in to your bedroom plus you would be ticked. Then you would start trying to stay awake to try and catch whoever is moving you to the living room. Wow, who knew it was this complicated. So now we are getting in to a better pattern and woking through it.

In happier news Sunday was opening day for the Cardinals. If it was like a holiday before it is like Christmas this year since we are the reigning world champions. We took the baby to the rally downtown and had some fresh air and sunshine before Jeff went on to the game and Emmy and I went home to watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition. A good time was had by all. I did apparently miss Emmy's debut on the jumbotron at the stadium. She appeared in a Hardee's in-game feature. Pretty fun stuff.

The Parents as Teachers lady is coming today, I fully expect her to tell me that my kid is a genius or at least she is cute. I always tell her it is better to be smart than pretty but lucky for her she is both.

Enjoy the pics...

My Girl is a Shopper

We went to the mall today for FOUR hours. Wow, it was a shopping extravaganza... unfotunately it was for Jeff. Oh well I was just excited to be in the mall. I can't type long because it is time for a certain bean to eat but here are some new photos for you all to feast your eyes on. She is so darn cute I can't stand it....

Poop Pee Farts and Boogers

What is a nice Christian girl like me doing talking about all of the previously mentioned bodily functions? Well I have a theory. Once you become a mom these things become such a routine part of your day that you no longer view them as taboo. (I never really viewed them as taboo to begin with probably because my mom loved to say the word fart. It pretty much made her laugh out loud every time she heard it.) Now though, I find myself having a conversation about at least one of these topics every day. Today I think I seriously offended some poor little old lady because I was walking through the soft drink aisle at Target saying "I heard you tooting in there miss Emelia Mae, you can't hide your toots from mommy." This is troublesome for two reasons, one I was talking to my three month old baby - aloud in Target and two I was talking about toots like I was talking about the weather. I thought it was pretty funny but the lady observing me seemed less than pleased about it.

I discuss Emmy's potty habits constantly, what color is her poop, what did it smell like etc. because you can actually tell a lot about your child's health by their bowel movements. Plus it just is what it is - poop is a regular part of my life, not to acknowledge it would be silly. So for all of my friends who have bodily function shyness I apologize for offending your sensibilities (Tina you know who you are...) but I can't help it. One day you too will know that you haven't really lived until you have sucked boogers out of your babies nose with a bulb syringe. The bigger the booger the more excited I get because it means all the works was not in vain.

All Night Long...

Ladies and gentlemen we have achieved a major milestone... Emelia Mae has slept through the night for the last six nights. Every night when we go to bed I think "she will wake up at 1:00 tonight I am just sure of it" but then she doesn't wake up until sometime between 5 and 7. It is so heavenly. I have even stopped waking up at 1:00, 3:00 and 5:00 waiting to hear her. I will say I have been having some crazy dreams with all of this continuous sleep.

We bought Emmy this new activity gym - ok so I bought it - I can't resist anything that says it will help her develop. I mean even if I screw her up, if she has enough developmental stuff, it will counteract my weirdness. She just loves it. This morning she spent 20 minutes on the floor kicking the beach ball rattle and staring at herself in the mirror. She just giggled and smiled at herself. Jeff thinks she was trying to tell "the other baby" how cool this new toy is. (We think when she sees herself in the mirror she thinks it is another good looking baby that has come to hang out with her.) I can't get over how much I love her and how much I enjoy being with her.

We have started to get in to a little bit of a routine of sorts, it is so great. I really don't think I have ever been this happy. God has blessed us so richly and I am so grateful. That isn't to say that there are not times that are stressful, like when she has a crying fit in Target at the check out counter, but overall things are good. It is ironic to me that I thought that with the reduction in income from me staying home we were going to have to give up some life's goodies. I don't miss a single one of them, at least not so far, and in fact I think right now we are really experiencing life's goodies for the first time. I have been to a lot of plays, concerts and sporting events; I have drank a lot of fancy cocktails in "hot" bars and eaten amazing food in five-star restaurants, but none of that fleeting happiness compares to the joy in my life right now.

Before I turn in to a complete mush-pot I will sign off...

A Good Night's Sleep

SO , we did it. Emmy slept for nine hours one night this week. I fed her at 7:30 and expected to get up around midnight to feed her again. Then 3:30 came and I bolted out of bed just certain that she was dead only to find her sleeping peacefully with that little baby snore. I went back to bed and she got up around 4:30. Can you believe it? She hasn't done it since, but we are getting longer and longer sleep stretches, 5-7 hours instead or 3-5.

I will write more soon, but I need to get some chores done because my friend Britt is coming and the bathroom needs to be cleaned before she gets here. (Britty if you are reading this I know you are saying don't be silly I don't care what the bathroom looks like, but I do so I will clean it.)

P.S. Thanks to everyone who was so supportive on Valentine's Day. I am now able to see that mom left this world on a day devoted to love so that I could remember her love each year on that day. I miss her terribly but I feel blessed to have had her as long as I did.

The Shot Heard Round the World

Okay so maybe it was only heard around St. Louis but I swear people in the next zip code over heard Emmy scream when she got her five, yes five, shots last night. It was awful. I cried when I saw the contorted look on her little face. It is so hard to watch someone hurt your child. I know these vaccines are a good thing but man after last night a part of me never wants her to have another one. Today she is so sleepy and cranky. Luckily the sleepy outweighs the cranky. When she is awake she is pissed but then she falls asleep and forgets how mad she is.

Confession...

I have spent the better part of today organizing and strategizing for my grocery shopping tomorrow. My friend found this web site called thegrocerygame.com which tells you where the best deals are and matches them with coupons from the paper and the internet. I am about to get me some 87 cent pop-tarts tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited! YOO HOO!

I asked Jeff last night if he is living the life he thought he would be. I mean he didn't marry a stay at home mommy. He married crazy ambitious career lady. I am not the same person I was even a year ago. Truthfully, I am so much happier now than I was then. I never knew that I would love being at home with the baby and organizing the house and grocery lists and what not as much as I do. Jeff said he is actually happier now too. He said that he feels like he is a priority in my life and that family and our lives together are the top thing in my life. I would have to agree, but how sad that for the last five years of our marriage he has felt in some small way like he was competing with my job. That makes me very sad. I am not sad about my past, not one bit of it, because it has taken being there to get to being here. It just makes me so grateful that I can turn my neurotic singlemindedness to something healthy.

Remind me to tell you about the miracle of breastfeeding tomorrow...

More Shots

Today is Emmy's 8-week check up. That means more vaccinations which sends a chill of terror down daddy's spine. (I think he hates the shots more than she does.) I can't believe it has been 8 weeks. I am still really enjoying being home with her. We are sort of getting in to a rhythm, but she does like to keep me on my toes. She has started to make all kinds of noise for about 20 minutes before she falls asleep. The trouble with this is that my adrenaline surges with each noise she makes because I think she is going to start crying. I should know better but I can't control my body's response. This to shall pass I assume. I am looking forward to the time when she sleeps through the night consistently. Now that is a word that every new parent should remove from their vocabulary because there is nothing consistent about babies. Last week she went for two six hour stretches. (I think she was just showing off because my friend Gina was in town.) Last night she went four hours and then five hours... none of this is cause for complaint, I am just saying there is no consistency which is a challenge for this timeline driven mom. If only I could put her childhood on a spreadsheet this would be so much more manageable. Alas, since I can't I will just enjoy the goodness that radiates from her sweet little face. We finally captured some smiles on camera, so here they are.







This is her singing in to her thumb. She does take after her mom. We are singing to Jesus Walks by Kanye West. Some parents play lullabyes, I prefer slightly contoversial, culturally relevant rap.

New Emmy Pics

She really is super cute see for yourself...


This is her "being a frog" as we call it on the daddy again...





This is her sleeping on daddy

Britney Spears Deserves a Break

No, not from the "no panty wearin-hangin with Paris-clubbin till all hours, while my child is at home issues of late, but from the "you are a bad mom because you tripped while holding your kid" issues. Here is why I can commiserate with Britney...

So last week I took the baby to Jeff's office because his boss was in town from California. When I got to his office building I changed her diaper in the public restroom in the lobby so I had her out of her car seat and then I put her back in the car seat to take her upstairs. We showed her off, everyone loved her and away I went. I was on my way to see my friend Korri who lives about 20 minutes from downtown. About five minutes after I started driving Emmy started to scream. I mean just wail at the top of her lungs. That is so not like her. The hardest she ever cries is in her car seat so I just thought this was a particularly unappealing car ride for her. I got to my friend's house and my nerves were a bit fragile from a 20 minute car ride with a screaming baby. I went to get her car seat out and she was all slumped over in the seat. I realized I had forgotten to restrap her in to the car seat before I left downtown. I was horrified. I got to Korri's front door and cried because I could have killed my child. I was so upset with myself. There is just so much to think about every time you go anywhere and the one step I missed was strapping her in. God was watching out for us - as there was a cop riding along side me the whole way to Korri's and I kept thinking man I wish that cop would get off so I can speed up, my child is screaming and all I want to do is get to where I am going. YIKES!

So after I got over feeling like the world's worst mom Korri convinced me that Emmy was fine and that it was a valuable lesson learned. Emmy rewarded me with a nice cuddle as if to say it's okay mom, just don't do it again.

I'm telling you, this mom thing is harder than it looks.

The Great Wal-Mart Adventure

So for my friends in California this post is going to make no sense because not only do we not go to Wal-Mart (can any of you tell me where the closest one is?) but we certainly don't get excited about going to Wal-Mart. But last week we had pretty bad weather, including an ice storm that left us without power again and really cold temps. Translation - no taking the baby outside. So I did not leave the house from Monday through Wednesday. I was getting a bit restless so my friend Lindsey and I packed up the babies and drove 25 miles to the nearest Super Wal-Mart to do our grocery shopping. IT WAS GREAT!!!! The women in the bakery told us both we looked to skinny to have babies that young - we bought some cupcakes from her to rectify that problem. We spent almost three hours there. It was like a trip to Disneyland for this cooped up mom. I saved 10 dollars in coupons and managed to get a cart full of groceries and household supplies for $156. YAHOO!!!

Then on Friday I went to the mall and had Starbucks, now we are really cookin! Then t top off my triumphant week Jeff took the first night feeding on Friday and Saturday night which meant six straight hours of sleep for me two nights in a row. I felt like a million bucks.

Wow, last week was a good week and this week is shaping up to be pretty good too. Emmy went six hours between feedings last night. That means we are working our way to sleeping through the night. Now that will be a gift from heaven. She has started smiling more and I think she may even be smiling at me. It is the cutest thing ever. She just gives this gummy grin. I will try to capture it with a picture.

Okay I have to run I need a bit more coffee before that next feeding.

The Day I Fell in Love with My Child

What I am about to write may leave people thinking I am a horrible person or a terrible mother or both, but yesterday I truly loved my child for the first time.

Now don't get me wrong, when she was born I loved her because that is what you are supposed to do. I have loved her passively for the last four weeks, but today I loved her on purpose because I wanted to and because I couldn't help myself.

This all sort of started the day before when I took Emmy to my office to meet my peeps. I went in and she, as usual, was super good. Everyone oohed and aahed over her and people held her and we talked a bit about what motherhood is like. The whole time I was there I realized very clearly that I did not miss it. I thought when I went in I would check email and maybe even check a few account things. I used my desk to change her diaper and that was about it. What that told me was that work has become fairly unimportant to me, at least for right now. I reserve the right to change my mind at any moment not excluding before I finish writing this post, but for now, I want to stay home. I don't mind working a little from home, but I do not want to put Emmy in a day care and go back to the nine to five thing.

Then on Thursday I was working on a project for work and Emmy was in her swing. She needed a diaper change so I took her in to the nursery and changed her diaper. Then I sat down with her and fed her and while I was feeding her I was reading something from my baby bible (Baby 411) about development. It said that the best thing you can do for your baby from birth to two months is hold her, read to her and talk to her. I realized how little I have done that. Jeff is very good about that. He "chats" with her every night when he gets home. I tend to get so caught up in just taking care of her that I don't actually spend much time playing with her. So I decided we would sing together. I put in a lullaby CD and we read a book and then we sang and as I was singing to her and holding her I was overwhelmed with love. As I sit her typing this I start to tear up. I just love that little baby so much and I want so many amazing things for her. I want her to be happy and I want her to feel safe and loved all the days of her life. I was aggressively loving her because I couldn't imagine not loving her and that is when I knew I was going to be okay.

I may not be the best mom and I may screw things up but me and Emmy will be just fine.

It was a profound day and I am so thankful for it.

Almost Four Weeks

So Emmy will be four weeks old on Sunday. I can't believe the time has gone so fast. It is sort of like pregnancy, the individual days seem pretty long but the actual weeks seem to go fast. I know that makes very little sense, but that is how it feels.

Things have been better this week. Jeff is back at work full time and it hasn't been bad at all. I have been setting small goals each day which makes me feel like I am getting something done. Emmy continues to be a very good baby. She hardly even cried at bath time this morning. If I can keep her warm she is fine. She basically thinks the bath is cool but being cold and wet when bath time is done sucks.

I have been getting out of the house some too. I went to Target with Emmy by myself for the first time and it went well. She fussed in the car seat a little at first but then slept all through Target or was quietly awake. We had a play date with my friend who's baby is one month older than Emmy yesterday. Okay so it was really more of a mommy playdate but it was really nice.

It is nice because I am able to get most of the household stuff done so that on the weekends Jeff can just concentrate on spending time with us.

It is hard to describe all of the feelings I feel right now. I love the bean very much and she is so good, but I also miss work a bit. I called in this week to tell some one about a new business opportunity and they asked me to help brainstorm for a new business pitch. I was thrilled and it worked out well. The bean basically slept on my shoulder the whole time I was on the phone.

I love being a mom and think I do have a knack for it. (Probably mostly because God blessed me with a good baby.) She is so sweet and she is starting to get fun too. Because I love lists so much following is a list of things I have learned about being a mom.

1. Shower when they sleep no matter what else you think you should be doing. A shower makes you feel like a million bucks.

2. The time to try a new feeding routine (new bottle, etc.) is not 11:00 p.m. (So far she likes to nurse the best but she will take a bottle of breast milk.)

3. Be aware that perspective is everything. I got a breast pump for Christmas, I was thrilled. Last year I got a trip to Jamaica. I was more excited about the pump.

4. Read the Happiest Baby on the Block. The five S's really work, I swear!

5. Love your coffee maker.

6. For all of my anal retentive schedule-based friends, your world will change and you will schedule in one hour chunks, as you go if you are lucky.

7. Accept help. Our church friends brought us meals every night for three weeks. It was such a blessing.

8. It is okay to want to have an identity other than mom. I do and I have accepted that. I just want a little bit of stimulation from the outside world. I don't want to work full time, just a few hours a week.

9. It is okay to want no other identity besides mom. Some of my friends don't want to work ever again. That is ok too.

10. Pray - I believe that it is the only thing that has gotten me through the last four weeks.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Day 20

Wow, I can't believe it has really been almost three weeks that we have had Emelia. She continues to be a good baby which is a blessing from God because when she wails - like at bath time - it about kills me. I really don't know what I would do if she did that all the time. God certainly knows what each person can handle.

I am really looking forward to the one month mark because I will be more relaxed about taking her out. Next week I am going over to my friends house. She has a baby that is one month older than Emmy so we will have a play date. Okay so it is definitely more for the mommies than the babies but mommies need playdates to.

Jeff bought me a breast pump for Christmas. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving. I was thrilled. I have pumped a few times and we are going to try to give her a bottle on Monday. Happy New Year!

The baby blues have pretty much disappeared. I still get weepy for no apparent reason, but I was like that before so why should now be any different. Next week will be tough because Jeff is going to go back to work. He has only worked two-three full days since Emmy was born. otherwise he has gone in for a few hours and come home. We will see how I do then. It seems like it might be time to feed again so I better run but I will try to write more soon.

Bottom line babies are good, hard, but good. Don't delude yourself to think that it is all sunshine and roses and warm bonds of love. It is trying and hard and joyful and sweet and did I mention hard?

Day 12

I can't type much as the bean is asleep in my arms right now and typing with one hand sucks. She is still a really good baby and I am still having a bit of the blues but they are getting better each day. Yesterday was a really good day. I have to remember to take pleasure in the little things like an afternoon cup of coffee or a sweet face from the bean. Her umbilical cord fell off which is a nice milestone. I have to measure some sort of progress and for now that will do. I will attempt to write more soon.

Day Nine

So we have had the bean for a week now and today is Jeff's first full day back at work. So far so good. I have showered, brushed my teeth, washed my face (with moisturizer application) loaded and started the dishwasher and picked up the random baby debris that litters the house and eaten breakfast.

I have to start by saying we are INCREDIBLY BLESSED. Emmy had her first pediatrician appointment yesterday and has already gained weight - lots of it. She weighs 8 pounds now which is back up to birth weight and then some. She had a hepatitis B vaccine (so now she can share needles with Tommy Lee and feel OK about it) and cried for all of ten seconds. I think Jeff had more to say about it then she did. The doctor says she is an amazing baby. The Mayo Clinic Guide to Pregnancy and Baby's First Year says the average baby cries for about 3-4 hours a day. Emmy has cried for about three hours in the whole week we have had her. She rarely cries - when she is hungry and I have missed the other signs or when we take a bath, that is it. She went four hours between feedings last night which is AMAZING. I am sleeping an average of 7 hours a night in two-three hour chunks. All of this adds up to one really good baby and a HUGE blessing for two scared new parents.

All of that being said I am still suffering from the baby blues. I have a great outlook in the morning and then in the afternoon I start to think what have I done today besides feed/change the baby? Then I start to think this is what the rest of my life is going to be like. Then I start thinking what if this good baby business is all just a fluke and she will start screaming uncontrollably tonight. What if I get no sleep? What if she keeps Jeff awake? (He has been great by the way!) Then I feel guilty for having these feelings because she is a beautiful and good baby. What is the matter with me, I don't deserve her. Then the whole cycle starts all over again. I talked to a friend of mine who is a doctor and she assured me this is all very normal that my hormones are trying to figure out where the middle is again and despite how good the bean is it is a major life adjustment. Thank heaven for friends with medical expertise. She made me feel much better.

I have decided to just wait it out for a few weeks and hope it tapers off. In the mean time I am trying to set small goals for myself each day so I feel like I accomplished something.

In the morning when I am feeding her and she makes silly faces at me I am in awe that God has given me a miracle. I just have to fight off the afternoon demons and realize that this is work and it is hard work and there are no clients or bosses to tell me how fabulous I am but that one day a happy healthy little girl will be proof enough for me. I have been very honest so please don't judge me. If you must, go ahead, just don't tell me about it. : )

Thanks for listening world...

Well She is Here

So she is finally here after all of the waiting and all of the drama. Here is the story of labor and delivery and then later I will post the story of the first week.

I started having contractions on Saturday morning but nothing ever happened. I walked and I vacuumed and I played board games. Nothing. Went to bed Saturday night and still felt the contractions. They were intermittent. I was trying to time them but I was sleeping through half of them. Finally at about 4:15 I got up and walked around. They started coming every three minutes. I woke Jeff up and told him to shower and get ready to go to the hospital. We were admitted around 6:00 a.m. I was dilated to about a 3 which was pretty good considering I was a nothing on Thursday. But then the contractions sort of simmered down. I walked around the hospital. The bummer of it all was I was hungry I hadn't eaten since 6:00 Saturday night. They wouldn't let me eat, only a popsicle. They put in an IV and started some pitocin around 8:00 or so. Jeff and I watched Monster's Inc., the contractions started to get stronger. About 10:00 the pain got pretty bad. I stuck it out until 11:30 or so. I wanted to wait to get the epidural until I was dilated to a six or so. The nurse convinced me there was no reason to wait, I was almost a four. So I took her advice. Thank goodness. I was in an awful lot of pain from about 10-12. The epidural kicked in and then you could have dropped a piano on my legs and I wouldn't have felt it. At 2:00 they broke my water and I was a six. I asked them to scale back the epidural a bit because I felt too numb. At this point I had been on and off the pitocin. Things would go good on the pitocin and then they would take me off because my natural resting state was too high and things would peter out. Around 5:00 or so they said I was an 8. I was starting to get discouraged. This was the second time the tears came that day, pre-epidural was the first time. They said this was fairly normal for first time moms, a centimeter an hour, but that the last two centimeters would go pretty fast. At this point I could feel the contractions, not painful just immense pressure because the baby was so low. At 7:00 they decided I was 10 centimeters and ready to go. They gave me a test push to see how quickly that would go, decided this wasn't going to take long and called the doctor. At 7:15 I started pushing for real, I pushed through 4 contractions and at 7:31 she was born. She was great and the whole experience was pretty darn good. So far I feel incredibly blessed but am still having a bit of baby blues which I will write more about later. For now here are some photos.

I Think I Can... I Think I Can

Well, I think I am in labor. No seriously. About 3:45 this morning I had to go to the bathroom - shocking - and I felt bad cramps. I thought I just had to go poo but alas they did not stop. As a matter of fact when I thought about it they seemed to come every 10 minutes or so. I told Jeff, I think this is it, he said do we need to go to the hospital because you know they say to wait. I said no, we can wait until they are about 3-5 minutes apart and until I wash the bathroom rugs. I am pleased to report the contractions seem to be about 8 minutes apart and the rugs are in the washer. We will see what happens from here.

A Different Point of View

So as of today I have been home about four days. There is not one single chore left to do this weekend. The house is clean, the laundry is done, the groceries have been purchased and the ironing is hanging in the closet. I suspect Jeff is pretty excited. I am too, but I don't know what Jeff and I will do with ourselves this weekend. Maybe we will just watch a lot of football to catch up from last weekend.

Our power finally came back on Tuesday night as we were about to pack up for night two at Korri's house. What a blessing Korri was - her house was perfect because we could put both of the pets in the basement with us where we had a bed and a TV - A TV PEOPLE! - and a bathroom. Jeff came home Tuesday to find me sitting in the dark playing solitaire on my phone. We had just put the last of the supplies in the car and were getting ready to go get dinner when we saw the lights come on. It was as though the sky opened up and God smiled right on me. We were so excited. I continue to pray for people here in Missouri and Illinois as some people still don't have power.

I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday and the bean still seems quite content in her little world. I have not dilated and am about 80% effaced. (I never thought I would speak of my cervix so freely and often with the whole world.) I have a stress test and an ultrasound on Monday if the baby has not come. If everything looks fine we will probably schedule an induction later next week.

I don't love the idea of being induced as supposedly it makes for longer and more painful labor - just what I was hoping for - but if that is what it takes to get Emmy to come out than I am good with it.

Tonight we are going to a formal holiday party for the Pujols Family Foundation. Nothing makes you feel more glamorous and attractive than maternity tights and a cocktail dress from the maternity store. I will try to compensate with hair and makeup but I am going to have to pull out some serious stops to make up for the round factor. I plan to start getting ready 2 hours before we have to leave mostly because it will take me 20 minutes just to put on the tights.

It's Electric Part II

By now you may have heard that the "midwest" was hit hard by an ice storm last Thursday causing approximately half a million people in St. Louis to lose their power. I am one of those people. It sucks...Bad. Now we lost power in July due to a freak thunderstorm and it was not good but overall it could have been worse - it could have been like last night. Last night was one of the worst nights of my life.

We are now on day 4 of no power and our house was 42 degrees when I left this morning. At 3:00 I woke up and just wanted it to be morning so I could get in the shower and get out of our house. Why are we still staying there you may ask? A couple of things...

We stayed Thursday night and it was fine. We stayed Friday night and it was cold but not to bad. We slept in our bed wearing hats and scarves and gloves and so many other layers that rolling over was a futile attempt. Saturday it was pretty cold so we stayed at friends but left both the dog and the cat because our friends have a dog and Murphy does not do well with other dogs. I was worried sick about them. I realize they are pets and they have fur coats but still...

Yesterday we had eight different people from our church, some I had never even met before, offer to let us and the pets stay with them. My friend Korri said we could stay with her so the plan was that if the power was not back on by 7:30 we would pack up the dog and go. We aren't sure about the cat at this point because it may be more traumatic for her to go somewhere else than to stay at home and curl up in the linen closet. Then at 7:45 we saw a sign from above - a power truck. Men with flashlights and trucks and radios and such spent the next two hours on our street. Then they drove away and our power was still not on. We thought for sure it would only be a matter of minutes so we laid down on an air mattress in front of the fire place to wait it out. The power never came back on. At 2:00 I woke up and just cried because it was so cold. My feet were frozen and my hips were numb from laying on my side, it was awful. This morning Jeff and I got up and put all of our clothes in the bathroom, took a mercifully hot shower (God bless our gas hot water heater) and left the house as fast as we could. I blow dried my hair from the vents in the car and took all of about fifteen minutes to get ready. I kept trying to think about all of our blessings and how glad I was not to be going through this alone but I will confess it was hard.

As of lunch Jeff went home and checked and we still have no power. I WILL NOT SLEEP IN THAT HOUSE AGAIN TONIGHT! We are hoping Korri is still good with us coming over and if not I will sleep in the car or something.

I definitely know they have lots of crews working on it and I have all the respect in the world for the guys freezing their tails off in the hopes that I don't have to freeze mine off one more night. I have been checking the City of Kirkwood's web site for updates all day and as a former PR person I wanted to give counsel to the City of Kirkwood. First, when you change the update time, change the language of the update. At least make it look like you are making progress. Second - someone needs a lesson in spin. Here is what their web site had to say.

"Approximately 600 of Kirkwood ElectricÂ’s customers remain without power. A 5-man crew from Hannibal, Mo, arrived this morning to assist Kirkwood Electric crews with power restoration. Kirkwood Electric crews have been working nearly around the clock since last Thursday night to clear storm damage and restore electric service. Because fatigue and exhaustion are concerns during outages such as this, the city is grateful for the assistance from Hannibal to aid our crews so that work can continue safely for all involved. "

You mean to tell me you have 600 customers without power which translates to about 1800 people and you got FIVE guys to come help? You have the nerve to tell me about the concerns about fatigue and exhaustion and then tell me you magnanimously brought in FIVE guys from outside. Seriously, I could have rounded up FIVE guys myself. Really it should read like this....

Approximately 80% of Kirkwood Electric's customers have power fully restored to their homes. Our crews have been working tirelessly so we have called in for reinforcements from outside the area. The additional workers arrived today and should help expedite the power recovery process for the remaining 600 customers without power.

Okay, I believe I have vented enough. The really great thing about the power outage is I have forgotten completely about being anxious about the bean coming. As Jeff says, my water can't break because it is frozen. : )