Where is the Lysol?

So on Friday Jeff went back to work and on Friday night I came down with a stomach bug. Started with the vomiting then moved on through so I didn't know which end to take care of. UGH! I just kept praying that the baby would be fine but on Saturday morning she threw up all over Jeff four times. God love him everytime she threw up he immediately threw the offending item in to the laundry. I think we did six loads of wash with three things in each load. Her beloved blankie got washed each time. : )

By Sunday we had stopped throwing up but we were all still tired. Apparently though Em got too much daytime sleep because this morning she woke up at 5:00. UGH again! Right now I feel like a zombie but I am hoping if I pretend like it is a normal day it will be a normal day.

Today more than anything I miss my mom. I think it is because when I was sick I just wanted my mom. I wanted to call her and say come take care of me and the baby. Give Jeff a break and I know she would have, even if it meant driving six hours. February 14 is the anniversary of her death and so this time of year is tough. It is difficult to accept that she is gone and hard for me to believe that it has been three years. I still get weepy a lot and I would have thought that would have gone away by now but I think it won't ever go away until I get to heaven and God takes the tears. I don't have a very clear picture of exactly what heaven is like so sometimes I anthropomorphize it and imagine my mom drinking coffee with my grandparents. Coffeetime was a good time around the house. It meant a warm cup of coffee or pop in a coffee mug for me and home made cookies. When we went to visit my grandparents that is a memory that is very clear for me. Sometimes I have trouble because I can still so vividly see how she looked when she was sick. The last days were so bad and she was not herself. She couldn't remember her birthday or where she was. At one point I heard her rummaging about at 4:00 in the morning and God love her she had gotten up and gotten herself dressed because she was convinced she was going to breakfast with my Aunt Marlene. The days leading up to February 14 feel sort of like Holy week for me. Each day I remember another thing about the time before her death. Then when I think of her actual death it is more of a joy because at the end I prayed for God to take her home because I knew she would never be well again.

Mommy I miss you so much and I wish you could see our baby girl. She is just like you, full of life and ready to go at 6:00 in the morning. You would have loved her mommy, we watch Sesame Street just like we used to and I can finally understand how you could love me so much. I am sorry for the times I broke your heart like when I was sixteen and when I got the tatoo. I was right though, the nurses in the hospital never did say anything about it when I had my baby, there was no need for you to worry, not one of them thought I was a biker. I love you mommy and I can't wait to see you again.