Thoughts on a tree

So you may remember a post from last December and early January where I talked about our tree situation in this house. To boil it down, Jeff likes a real tree, I don't mind it but I don't like the mess. (So weird for me right?) Last year our real tree died early so we ended up with a fake tree for Christmas. While technically I won the battle (and contest of wills) Jeff was really sad and I certainly didn't feel like a winner. The compromise was that going forward we would use the fake tree in another room to have the "perfect Martha Stewart" tree and then we would get a real tree for the front room to put up our mish mosh collection of ornaments from our childhood. Last Sunday everything changed. I went to church and the bulletin said that the church was looking for a Christmas tree for the new campus we are opening in Millard. They wanted burgundy and gold ornaments and lights if anyone had some to donate. That is when God spoke to me.

I didn't hear his voice but I knew as plain as day that I was supposed to give church my "Martha" tree. I pushed the thought aside because I was really looking forward to my "Martha" tree. When I got home Jeff and I split up to run errands and when I came home Jeff had bought a real tree. He showed great restraint this year and did not buy one that was too big or too fat. It really was the perfect tree. When I got out my Christmas decorations I pulled out the stuff I bought for my "Martha" tree and noticed that the ornaments were burgundy and gold - just what the church was looking for - and that is when I knew I had to give them that tree.

You see that tree was a symbol of vengefulness and stubbornness and disobedience. For those of you that have known me for a while you know I struggle with the Biblical concept of wives submitting to their husbands. What I finally realized was that it wasn't about not having a backbone or about being weak as an individual or about being a slave. It is about being a strong unit that works out compromise but when you can not work out compromise someone has to be "right" for lack of a better word and it is to be the husband. In our seven years of marriage we have never not been able to work out a compromise on anything - except the Christmas tree. (Crazy huh?) The fact that I can't let go of my tree is me being disobedient to him, to God and to my own heart. I am a pretty strong woman and I believe that God made me that way. I don't think the idea of submission in any way takes away from that - on the contrary, the ability to put aside my own will and stand in God's will for me takes strength of character and discipline. (I don't always have a ton of those two things but God has given me more of that lately too.)

The other reason I knew I had to give up that tree is because of what the whole concept of the "Martha" tree represented to me. See some people grew up with those kind of trees or like my best friend make them in to works of art. I was trying to be something I am not so that people would come in to my home and see my quaint little country tree and my sophisticated polished perfect tree and think I was all of those things. I certainly am more sophisticated than my family was growing up mostly because I lived in LA and was a victim of the keeping up with the Jones' culture but in my heart I am the sum total of my parents and I am proud of that. Most of the ornaments on my tree are handmade by my mom or Jeff's parents or in some cases Jeff himself and I love them. My mom and dad gave me an ornament every year while I was growing up and it usually represented something from that year. I have a pair of ice skates from the year I learned to skate. I have an Aladdin ball from the year I was obsessed with that movie. I have an engagement ring in a box from the year I got engaged. As I put all of those ornaments on the tree it is like walking through my past and remembering each year of my life. That is what my Christmas tree is all about - not perfection. I will confess I do stare longingly at the trees in department stores because their tidyness and symmetry are so appealing, but I love my tree and I will no longer be ashamed of my homespun tree.

When I took all of my still-in-the-box ornaments and my pre-lit tree in to the church office they were so thankful and thought it was so beautiful. Now hundreds of people can appreciate that tree and I can appreciate my country tree in all its splendor. (My camera batteries are dead but I will post pics of my tree soon.)

New Woman

I feel like a new woman this week. I am finally over the morning sickness, I think and I have some energy which is so exciting.

Okay let me back up and fill in the last three weeks' details.

Colorado was great. It was nice to see family and I felt a particular increase in my bond with Nancy - my step mom. Emelia really took to her because she was the only one who really let Emelia come to her. News flash, little kids do not like to have people force a relationship. It is tough because I really want her to just run up and hug everyone but she doesn't and I know that is a good thing but people have expectations so it is a little nerve wracking for us parents. It really is a tricky situation. Emelia was great in the car but tested her boundaries a few times while we were there. There was a lot going on, six adults surrounding her at all times plus trips to the zoo and the rock garden etc. I tried to give her a little leeway but I also was not about to let her freak out because she wasn't getting her way which she did a couple of times. All in all I needed a vacation from my vacation. : )

I came back and spent most of last week preparing to talk at our women's retreat for church. The theme was Walking by Faith - different shoes for different seasons. I was one of six speakers speaking about trying times in our lives that God pulled us through. For me that was the year that my mom died. Her death was terrible, the grief was overwhelming but I basically buried all of that under work, alcohol and shopping, with a dose of overeating thrown in for good measure. By the grace of God my loving husband stuck by me but finally on new year's eve of 2005 I just told God I couldn't take it any more and he took it for me. So anyway, I was nervous about speaking and really just wanted my story to help someone else in some way and wanted it to glorify God. The speech went well, the retreat was awesome and man was I exhausted. I spent most of Sunday and Monday trying to catch up on sleep and get some energy. I decided since I was feeling so much better I would try to take my regular prenatal vitamin since I have been taking a regular multi with a folic acid supplement. Bad idea, man was I sick. On Monday I spent all day throwing up and feeling miserable. Tuesday was much better and Wednesday was better still.

So that brings us to today when I can report that I think I have begun to nest. Yes I vacuumed out the light fixtures and dusted the fireplace after cleaning out the toy box and organizing the closets. Most women don't start to nest until the third trimester but I think my natural anal tendencies combined with the extra hormones get me going a little early : ) Okay, gotta go, I am off to clean the refrigerator coils!

A Gift

Today i am struck by what a gift I have been given. I had a park date with a friend who was relaying a story of a friend who went to pick up her one year old at day care and walked in as the worker slapped her child in the face. I could not come to terms with what I would do. I am so tremendously blessed to be able to stay home with Emelia. My mom worked and I never once felt like I lacked for anything in my relationship with her so I know it can be done successfully, but i don't know how I could do it. I think it is so much work. Staying home is work too, don't get me wrong but I am just I don't know feeling really blessed right now.

I can't believe I am going to have another one. It is so surreal. Jeff and I have been praying about this for awhile and then in July we decided to end our birth control and then in August I got pregnant. God must have thought we were ready. Suddenly I am not so sure. It has been hard being sick and trying to not make Emelia suffer because of it. I just know that God's priority for me is not to keep my floors mopped but to keep her heart full and her mind fed. (Never mind her belly - God bless the peanut butter sandwich.) I think it is good that it has been tough for me already because I know it will be even tougher when number 2 gets here so I suppose this is just a little on the job training. : )

All things considered I have an amazing husband who picks up the slack when I have less than a 100% to give, a relatively well-behaved loving little girl and a God who makes each day seem like a new chance to be better. I am blessed.

So Awesome!

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My friend Penny made this for me and I heart it more than I can possibly say!

Afternoon Sickness

So remember how some weeks back I was feeling the funk and feeling like things were just off, well they were. I was pregnant and didn't know it. : )

I am happy to report that I am ten weeks along and have seen the little bean with my own eyes and have heard it's beating heart (nice and fast like they like). I met my doctor for the first time yesterday (I normally have been seeing a PA) and I really like her. I really like the fact that I have a prescription for the crazy afternoon vomiting wave that washes over me which means I have kept all my food down for the lest three days. Yippee! Prior to that I had lost four pounds. I am pretty sure pregnancy is not supposed to be a weight loss plan. I am way more tired now than I was with Emelia. The days feel pretty long right about now but I am hoping that gets a little better in the second trimester. I will write more about my feelings and all the craziness in a bit. I just wanted the world to know.

The Christmas Hunt has Begun

Last year i bought most of Emelia's Christmas presents from the resale shop. I figured she won't know the difference, I don't have to assemble anything and the money goes further. I still believe all of those things so I plan to do the same again this year. I have begun the hunt. I want a kitchen and a tricycle but other than that I am open to whatever gems i turn up. I found a kitchen for $10 two weeks ago. It s just the right size for her now and then I can look for a nicer one for next year when she outgrows it. I am not sure what else t o get her. Does anyone have any ideas for good, well-loved two year old toys? So far what she is digging right now is a five dollar stroller my aunt gave her and whatever comes out of the happy meal at McDonald's. : ) I will keep you posted on what I come up with.

It has been a busy month for us. We went on a whirlwind adventure to Iowa and Illinois. It was great to be with family. I felt like we got to see everyone we wanted to see and we ate a lot of fried chicken. It was neat to see Emelia establish relationships with my cousins kids and my aunts and uncles. She particularly took to my uncle Dick and still professes to miss papa Dick and puppy. (My aunt and uncle have an 18 year old Shih Tzu that Emelia loved but I am pretty sure the "puppy" was happy to see Emlia leave.) Then we came home and had a week to get the house in shape for my friend Lindsey's visit. It was a great visit. We hit the resale shops and ate plenty of Panera (she doesn't have them where she lives.)

We have a halloween party this weekend and I am anxious to see if Emelia will wear her Elmo costume for any length of time and or let me take her picture in it. We will have to see. Jeff and I will fall in to our usual costumes. Fifties girl for me and 70s guy for him. He loves to wear the afro wig. Hear are some pics from our Illinois trip...

Sorry about the long hiatus

Two weeks ago we were in Iowa/Illinois (more about that trip to come), last week I was busy preparing for my friend to come visit and now she is hear! Yea for me!

I promise I will write more soon, but for now we are off to do the things we love to do together. Go to target, buy groceries and just generally exist.

Oh Boy

Emelia has not napped today. I have tried putting her down twice. She didn't even attempt to nap either time. I am straining for peace. You see I didn't sleep well last night so I thought maybe I would also nap today. No such luck. So tired, so cranky so hungry..... UGH!

Funk be gone

The good news is that I seem to be over my case of the funk, or as my mom would call it, the blue funk. (The blue funk for her though usually had something to do with menopause so I don't think I really had the blue funk.) We had a good weekend, busy but good. I still haven't ventured back to the gym but I have stopped eating everything in sight and as soon as noodle wakes up from her nap we are off to the gym. The weather has been really lovely this weekend so maybe my friend Thuy was right about my mood being effected by the dreary weather.

We started a new life group last night and I am so glad. It is so good to be in community with other Christians. It is funny because our group is really diverse, we have parents of 8 year olds, parents of triplets, parents-to-be and non-parents. We are all different ages and come from different laces but we all love the Lord so we instantly know there is a common denominator. It is just cool. The other cool thing is that coincidentally enough, none of us are from Omaha.

Okay, I have to actually get the kitchen cleaned still before sleeping beauty wakes up so see you later "agator" as Emelia says.

Off my game

For some reason I have been completely off my game this week. I have had little to no interest in exercising. I feel unmotivated to do any housework and I have not paid a lick of attention to what I eat. I just feel sluggish and fuzzy in the head. I don't know what my dal is but I have got to get past it. It is making me crazy.

I feel like a sloth and I am resentful of any task which I am forced to accomplish in order to save my pride. (i.e. something that someone else is counting on me to do.)

The only thing I have felt like doing is shopping. I tend to shop for Emelia when I am in moods like this because it requires no fitting rooms and I can get more things for less money. Seriously what is my deal? Atleast my kid has cute clothes...

E

Who needs white sandy beaches?

especially when you can have fried chicken and homemade mac and cheese? So our vacation to Turks and Caicos has been postponed due to hurricane Ike. I prayers o out to the people who actually live there because my vacation is nothing compared to their lives and homes and way of life. Since we are not going to go to the island in two weeks I decided to do the next best thing. I am going to Cedar Rapids, Iowa and Bloomington, Illinois. Emelia and I are going on a road trip to visit family. I am pretty excited. in other SUPER DUPER EXCITING news. My friend Lindsey is coming to visit in October. I may have already written about it but it is so exciting. I am already planning meals and activities for when she is here. Yahoo!

Oops

I realized in my last blog entry I spelled craptastic wrong. Yeah, it's cool, I looked it up in Webster's and it is definitely spelled right now. : )

Holy Craptastic Batman!

Tonight is the kickoff to regular season football. The excitement looms heavy in the air. Man, I am excited! I will wear my "Mrs. Moc" jersey and Jeff will wear his "The Moc" jersey and it will be terrific!

Seven Years

Yesterday was my seven year wedding anniversary. Some days it feels like Jeff and I have been married forever and some days it feels like we got married yesterday. Last night Jeff and I went out to dinner and we were talking about the last seven years. Here is what we came up with.

We have...
lived in three different states
adopted two pets
lost his brother and my mom
had a baby
and loved and supported each other through it all.

Here's to more years like the last seven (no more pets though.)

Goosebumps

Last night I watched our country nominate the first African American for president. It was amazing. Most of you know I am a democrat and many of you are Republicans but I believe this historic night is bigger than party affiliation. I can remember sitting in a co-workers office in 2004 and her talking about how she hated Hillary and hoped that Colin Powell would run as a Repub. against her is she ever ran for president. Then she said "our country would never elect a black man president though." Well, he isn't president, but the fact that he is a major party candidate is pretty darn exciting.

In college I was really liberal (I actually majored in journalism and minored in Women's studies) and as I have gotten older I have gotten less liberal but am still a democrat. I have not been this in to an election since Bill Clinton in 1992. That year I was a freshmen who thought Cal State Northridge was Berkley circa 1964 and I went to rallies and protest and wore slogan buttons on my backpack while wearing my flannel shirts and boots. I was a card carrying member of NOW and had a subscription to Ms. magazine. This year some of my ideals have changed and my entire way of life has really changed but I am excited about the sense of optimism that I have. More important than Republican or Democrat is the ability to recognize what a historic achievement this is for Barack Obama but also for us as a nation.

The only bad news in all of this is that coming off the Olympic late nights I am struggling with the political late nights and as much as I would like to I don't think I can handle another week of 11:00 bed times. Sorry Senator McCain.

Help for a friend

My friend Stephanie is making a super cool present for her husband for Christmas and she is trying to collect license plates from all 50 states. Since my favorites blog readers live all over I thought I would pass on the list of states she still needs. If you have any of these license plates or have a legal way of obtaining them please let me know.

Thanks!
laska Arkansas Connecticut Delaware Florida Hawaii
Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kentucky Louisiana
Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Mississippi Nebraska
Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina
North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Pennsylvania Rhode Island
South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah
Vermont Virginia Washington Wyoming


In other news...

It finally happened. I had to resort to dinner plan B. You see I always keep a frozen pizza in the freezer in case whatever new recipe I am tinkering with turns out gross. Last night we had to use the pizza. I made a dish called ham and swiss crockpot chicken. I had made it before and it was great, it wasn't much to look at but it tasted good. Someone gave me the idea to try baking it to make it less mushy, so I did. The problem is she didn't give me exact directions and I forgot an ingredient and well it was a mess. The breading was mushy, the chicken was raw it was a night for the frozen pizza. God bless plan B.

Neglected part 2

So let's see what have I been up to. Oh yes, obsessing over the Olympics. I love them. You see I enjoy sports but mostly I enjoy the emotion of sports. I like basketball, but I LOVE March madness because it is so exciting... the thrill of victory, the Cinderella school, the agony of defeat, the buzzer beaters, all of it. The Olympics are like that. Everyone works so hard for 30 seconds of a race potentially. I was glued to Michael Phelps and so glad he is not as punk youth as he was in Athens. I LOVED the opening ceremony. As a total type A I have such appreciation for the precision and planning that went in to all of the amazing spectacles. Yes it is a bit weird that table tennis and BMX biking are Olympic sports but have it China get you some medals. I did read a funny article in Time by Joel Stein saying e wanted to change the Olympic scoring and have points based on how fit you have to be to compete in your selected sport. Badminton, not so much.

I have also been very busy having tea with Emelia. She got a tea set (porcelain - I mean really) from my aunt who insists she play with it. (We are down to one cup and four plates that have not been broken.) Anyway, when she hands me a cup of tea I pretend to drink it and tell her it is delicious. She loves it! Her new word is delicious. Everything is delicious. Wrapping up in the doormat - delicious, washing her hair - delicious, daddy - delicious. It cracks me up.

On another positive note this weekend Old Navy had jeans for $12. It was total chaos but in a "I am getting a freakin' bargain" good way. I tried on jeans and discovered I have dropped two sizes since last fall. I almost dies. When I zipped up the size tens I cried in the dressing room and just praised God for that moment. I felt so good about myself. Not because of the size of the jeans but because I made a commitment and stuck to it and I am seeing progress. I am sure some of you can't believe I would post my jean size on the internet or that I am happy about a size ten because I know some folks would sooner die then wear a double digit size but I finally feel free from my consuming body image issues. It has been a long time coming and I still would like to look like Gabrielle Reece but I am ok with who and what I am.

To round out what has been on my mind lately I will finish with my mom. I have had several dreams about her lately and I have struggled with feeling a little lost and a lot sad. We sang a song in church about how anything is possible with Jesus and He is the ultimate healer and I couldn't help but think why didn't you heal my mom. Why couldn't she have stayed here. I know she is in a better place and I know we all have to die and I know one day I will see her again, but right now I wish I could see her now and ask her all the parenting questions I have stored up. I wish she would come visit and hold on tight to her grandbaby and be so excited that Emelia has learned to say Grammy. I just want her back that's all.

Okay blog, now we are caught up and it is time to make dinner. I think I will treat myself to a glass of wine because I have gotten a lot done today. Yea for me!

So neglectful

Dear blog:

I am sorry I have neglected you so lately. Between the volunteer work I am doing for church and the Olympics I have hardly had time to be on the computer. Don't be offended that I like reading other people's blog's more than I like writing in my own. I am just nosy that way. I promise this afternoon I will pay some good quality attention to you. I will write about my Olympic Fever and about the size 10 jeans I bought from Old Navy. (I know blog, I was super excited too!) I will write about Emelia's new favorite word - delicious and about the struggles I have been having with missing my mom. I promise blog I will fill you in on all of that, but right now I have to compile a data base for church and watch the closing ceremonies off the Tivo!

Love, Mama

My husband rocks!

Why you may ask? Well for many reasons but specifically I am talking about his lack of fear when it comes to Emelia.

We live near an air force base and the air show is this weekend. Emelia loves airplanes. I am pretty sure Jeff does too as long as he doesn't have to fly in them. (The irony of his love of airplanes and fear of flying is not lost on me!) We talked about taking her to the air show and I was not convinced it would be a good idea, big crowds, restless toddler, potential for interfering with nap time, etc. We were debating. Then yesterday I said, I don't really want to go to the air show. Jeff said well why don't I take Emelia and you can do whatever you want. I practically couldn't breathe - DO WHATEVER I WANT?!?!?!? You see I often get time to myself but it is usually planned in advance and has a schedule worthy of a drill sergeant because I am doing things that are easier without a toddler - grocery shopping for instance. But this, this would be different it would be spontaneous free time to wander about aimlessly drinking coffee all morning and maybe going to the mall. All because my husband is going to take a 20 month old girl to see airplanes. I have packed a backpack that would serve them well if they were stranded on a desert island and I have given him every tip I know. I even armed him with a sucker. (The best offense is a good defense, you know.) He just smiled and shrugged it off because he will figure it out. Lord almighty he is amazing - so mellow, so in love with his baby and so good to his wife. Thank you Lord Jesus for this man. Now I am off to go to the mall and Starbucks, probably twice.

The Reformer

I have been up since 5:30 and now I can barely walk. My gym is offering free pilates reformer classes this week while they refinish the group exercise floor. Normally you have to pay extra for this kind of torture. So I decided to try something new. I REALLY did not want to get out of bed this morning because I stayed up late last night watching the Olympics. (I love them by the way but that is another post.) Then I thought, this poor teacher has to get up so I need to honor the commitment I made by signing up.

It was only a half hour class, but man, my muscles were shaking so bad when I left that I was worried about driving home. It was a pretty darn good work out for a half hour. I don't know how many calories I burned which is my standard for a good work out (how many extra snacks do I get for this time spent at the gym) but I certainly feel stronger and my posture seems better already. I am not ready to pay extra for it but I did sign up for another free class on Wednesday.