New Year New Me?

So usually when the new Year rolls around I drink some champagne and make a list of all of the ways i will improve myself in the coming year. This year is different. I am already working out. I have no hope of losing weight until after May 20 and I have finally learned that I don't do well with New Years resolutions. Instead I made a list of projects for January. I do well with a list of small tasks that I can actually accomplish. I believe this is known as short term goals. I have already crossed three things off the list. Yeah me! It will be interesting to see what this year brings. I know life will be crazy for awhile and I know I am going to need to potty train Emelia but that is really all I can plan at this moment in time. If you know me you know that the inability to plan is like an inability to breathe. i am working on that for January and will probably be working on that straight through December's list.

Here are some things I am struggling with at the moment (besides the inability to plan)...

I feel fat. I know that I am pregnant so that is to be expected somewhat but I wish I could be one of those women who keep their shape and just look like they swallowed a ball. I do not look like that. I look like I swallowed the women from the before picture at Jenny craig. Everything has gotten bigger. Why is that?


I also have terrible pregnancy acne. Now I will confess there is some vanity in my distaste for my chin's new friends but mostly it HURTS. They are big cystic, you can't pop me pimples and they hurt. The bummer of it is that y ou can't use acne meds when you are pregnant. Isn't that just a big cosmic joke?

We are having a boy. Yes I will be caring for a baby boy. How does that work? I feel like the little boys I know are so different and I can't possibly begin to comprehend what to do with a boy. I have already begun to pray that God will help me to not compare them and to just love him for him and be content with who he is whoever that may be. Yikes! To top it all off Jeff and I are not even close to on the same page about names. I like Bennett and he likes Ananias. Yep you read that right...

Um okay I suppose that is about it for now. Time to make some supper.

Fun Times with DirecTV

So we had some pretty crappy weather last night including freezing rain with a little snow on t op. I have a serious weather paranoia. I don't like storms, I get scared to drive on t eh snow and ice and I don't want anyone to go anywhere until the streets clear. So today we are hunkered down hanging out at home. Well about mid day I discovered that some of our channels are not coming in. I called DirecTV (who we love) and the nice gentleman walked me through a test which I apparently failed. He said it looks like your high definition channels are not coming in. I knew that part but ok why - because either the satellite is no longer angled correctly or there is snow or ice covering the dish receptor. He said you will probably need to wait for the weather to pass. Newsflash - it is December and I live in Nebraska. The average high for the next week is 12. So we may be talking about March before this crap melts. All I could think was dear lord please let all of teh good bowl games be on regular channels.

The Definition of Bitter Cold

When I listened to the weather forecast this morning Rusty Lord (yes that is his name) told me that it was currently -4 but not to worry it was going to warm up to 8 degrees by late afternoon. Oh good, something to look forward to!

Where Does the Time Go

Emelia is two years old today. I just can't believe it. She constantly amazes me, sometimes in not so good ways but mostly I just marvel at how she has become this little person. I love her so much and I could never have imagined that I would feel this way. I have loved a lot in my life. I love my husband more now than I did in the giddy first months of our courtship and I loved my mom more than I can say but I have just been blind sided by my love for Emelia. It is so powerful and unexpected and it just creeps up on you.

Yesterday she said hey mom and I turned around and said "what honey" and I could distinctly "hear" that same exchange between my mother and I and it took my breath away. I am now the mom. I don't know that I thought I would never be a mom but it was not something that I spent a lot of time longing for. Now that I am I can not imagine ever not being who I am today. As I think about adding another child to our family my fear is t hat I couldn't possibly love this new baby the way that I love Emelia because my heart just doesn't have room for that much overpowering love. I know God will fix that but it still nags at me none the less.

I remember so distinctly when she was little and I couldn't wait to see who she would be. i wanted to see what sort of personality she would have and it is slowly emerging. She loves animals and is very passionate about things - ELMO, books, jelly beans. Often she will tell me "Mommy I NEED jelly beans." She likes to cuddle and does well with a routine. (Thank goodness!) She likes to sing and hates to be confined, like in a shopping cart for instance. (Whoa is me this is a new and really tough challenge.) She is so smart and has a terrific memory. Yesterday we were looking at an alphabet picture book and she turned to the page for x and declared "look mom a xylophone." I mean really where did she learn the word xylophone? Currently if you ask her what color something is everything is green. Jeff is convinced she is colorblind. She likes to swing at the park and asks to do so every day. She is just a terrific child. Yes she gives me fits sometimes and yes there are days I miss the freedom of being a dual-income-no-kids couple but I would never go back.

I can't wait to see what the next year brings.

License Plates

If anyone has license plates for my friend Stephanie's map project can you please send them to me? Here is a link to her blog so you can see her project...


http://svajglfamily.blogspot.com/

Oh the weather outside is frightful....

No really, I am not kidding. It is suddenly really cold here. What I don't get - should have paid more attention in Mr. Kelley's science class - is how yesterday the high was 30 and today the high is supposed to be 50. Oh and tomorrow the high is 29. What makes Tuesday so warm? I know I have officially adjusted to the weather here because when I found out the high was going to be 50 I thought "hum maybe Emelia and I can go to the playground." Really, when did 50 constitute playground weather?

In other news, I have been able to return to the gym. I am just in time for the "12 Days of Christmas" promotion. If you work out 12 times between Dec. 1 and Dec. 24 you get a free t-shirt. What is it about free stuff that is so appealing? When I saw the sign on the door to the gym I was soooo excited. I really need another free t-shirt because the bag to take to the Goodwill is not full enough. I mean I don't need that shirt but sure enough I signed up at the front desk and darn it if I won't do it. I guess if nothing else it is good incentive to go to the gym.

Allright I am off to Super Wal-mart to grocery shop, spend ten minutes looking at the aquarium section (Emelia's treat for grocery shopping goodness) and complain about how expensive food has gotten.

Back to Work

None of us want to go back to work today. Jeff was running late, I was not running at all and Emelia is just now getting up. Hope that doesn't mean she is getting sick. What a delicious weekend - food, shopping, football and lots of block building. Maybe Em will be an architect or a princess handler because man my girl loves her princess figurines. I love that she like Pocahontas the best.

Thoughts on a tree

So you may remember a post from last December and early January where I talked about our tree situation in this house. To boil it down, Jeff likes a real tree, I don't mind it but I don't like the mess. (So weird for me right?) Last year our real tree died early so we ended up with a fake tree for Christmas. While technically I won the battle (and contest of wills) Jeff was really sad and I certainly didn't feel like a winner. The compromise was that going forward we would use the fake tree in another room to have the "perfect Martha Stewart" tree and then we would get a real tree for the front room to put up our mish mosh collection of ornaments from our childhood. Last Sunday everything changed. I went to church and the bulletin said that the church was looking for a Christmas tree for the new campus we are opening in Millard. They wanted burgundy and gold ornaments and lights if anyone had some to donate. That is when God spoke to me.

I didn't hear his voice but I knew as plain as day that I was supposed to give church my "Martha" tree. I pushed the thought aside because I was really looking forward to my "Martha" tree. When I got home Jeff and I split up to run errands and when I came home Jeff had bought a real tree. He showed great restraint this year and did not buy one that was too big or too fat. It really was the perfect tree. When I got out my Christmas decorations I pulled out the stuff I bought for my "Martha" tree and noticed that the ornaments were burgundy and gold - just what the church was looking for - and that is when I knew I had to give them that tree.

You see that tree was a symbol of vengefulness and stubbornness and disobedience. For those of you that have known me for a while you know I struggle with the Biblical concept of wives submitting to their husbands. What I finally realized was that it wasn't about not having a backbone or about being weak as an individual or about being a slave. It is about being a strong unit that works out compromise but when you can not work out compromise someone has to be "right" for lack of a better word and it is to be the husband. In our seven years of marriage we have never not been able to work out a compromise on anything - except the Christmas tree. (Crazy huh?) The fact that I can't let go of my tree is me being disobedient to him, to God and to my own heart. I am a pretty strong woman and I believe that God made me that way. I don't think the idea of submission in any way takes away from that - on the contrary, the ability to put aside my own will and stand in God's will for me takes strength of character and discipline. (I don't always have a ton of those two things but God has given me more of that lately too.)

The other reason I knew I had to give up that tree is because of what the whole concept of the "Martha" tree represented to me. See some people grew up with those kind of trees or like my best friend make them in to works of art. I was trying to be something I am not so that people would come in to my home and see my quaint little country tree and my sophisticated polished perfect tree and think I was all of those things. I certainly am more sophisticated than my family was growing up mostly because I lived in LA and was a victim of the keeping up with the Jones' culture but in my heart I am the sum total of my parents and I am proud of that. Most of the ornaments on my tree are handmade by my mom or Jeff's parents or in some cases Jeff himself and I love them. My mom and dad gave me an ornament every year while I was growing up and it usually represented something from that year. I have a pair of ice skates from the year I learned to skate. I have an Aladdin ball from the year I was obsessed with that movie. I have an engagement ring in a box from the year I got engaged. As I put all of those ornaments on the tree it is like walking through my past and remembering each year of my life. That is what my Christmas tree is all about - not perfection. I will confess I do stare longingly at the trees in department stores because their tidyness and symmetry are so appealing, but I love my tree and I will no longer be ashamed of my homespun tree.

When I took all of my still-in-the-box ornaments and my pre-lit tree in to the church office they were so thankful and thought it was so beautiful. Now hundreds of people can appreciate that tree and I can appreciate my country tree in all its splendor. (My camera batteries are dead but I will post pics of my tree soon.)

New Woman

I feel like a new woman this week. I am finally over the morning sickness, I think and I have some energy which is so exciting.

Okay let me back up and fill in the last three weeks' details.

Colorado was great. It was nice to see family and I felt a particular increase in my bond with Nancy - my step mom. Emelia really took to her because she was the only one who really let Emelia come to her. News flash, little kids do not like to have people force a relationship. It is tough because I really want her to just run up and hug everyone but she doesn't and I know that is a good thing but people have expectations so it is a little nerve wracking for us parents. It really is a tricky situation. Emelia was great in the car but tested her boundaries a few times while we were there. There was a lot going on, six adults surrounding her at all times plus trips to the zoo and the rock garden etc. I tried to give her a little leeway but I also was not about to let her freak out because she wasn't getting her way which she did a couple of times. All in all I needed a vacation from my vacation. : )

I came back and spent most of last week preparing to talk at our women's retreat for church. The theme was Walking by Faith - different shoes for different seasons. I was one of six speakers speaking about trying times in our lives that God pulled us through. For me that was the year that my mom died. Her death was terrible, the grief was overwhelming but I basically buried all of that under work, alcohol and shopping, with a dose of overeating thrown in for good measure. By the grace of God my loving husband stuck by me but finally on new year's eve of 2005 I just told God I couldn't take it any more and he took it for me. So anyway, I was nervous about speaking and really just wanted my story to help someone else in some way and wanted it to glorify God. The speech went well, the retreat was awesome and man was I exhausted. I spent most of Sunday and Monday trying to catch up on sleep and get some energy. I decided since I was feeling so much better I would try to take my regular prenatal vitamin since I have been taking a regular multi with a folic acid supplement. Bad idea, man was I sick. On Monday I spent all day throwing up and feeling miserable. Tuesday was much better and Wednesday was better still.

So that brings us to today when I can report that I think I have begun to nest. Yes I vacuumed out the light fixtures and dusted the fireplace after cleaning out the toy box and organizing the closets. Most women don't start to nest until the third trimester but I think my natural anal tendencies combined with the extra hormones get me going a little early : ) Okay, gotta go, I am off to clean the refrigerator coils!

A Gift

Today i am struck by what a gift I have been given. I had a park date with a friend who was relaying a story of a friend who went to pick up her one year old at day care and walked in as the worker slapped her child in the face. I could not come to terms with what I would do. I am so tremendously blessed to be able to stay home with Emelia. My mom worked and I never once felt like I lacked for anything in my relationship with her so I know it can be done successfully, but i don't know how I could do it. I think it is so much work. Staying home is work too, don't get me wrong but I am just I don't know feeling really blessed right now.

I can't believe I am going to have another one. It is so surreal. Jeff and I have been praying about this for awhile and then in July we decided to end our birth control and then in August I got pregnant. God must have thought we were ready. Suddenly I am not so sure. It has been hard being sick and trying to not make Emelia suffer because of it. I just know that God's priority for me is not to keep my floors mopped but to keep her heart full and her mind fed. (Never mind her belly - God bless the peanut butter sandwich.) I think it is good that it has been tough for me already because I know it will be even tougher when number 2 gets here so I suppose this is just a little on the job training. : )

All things considered I have an amazing husband who picks up the slack when I have less than a 100% to give, a relatively well-behaved loving little girl and a God who makes each day seem like a new chance to be better. I am blessed.

So Awesome!

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My friend Penny made this for me and I heart it more than I can possibly say!

Afternoon Sickness

So remember how some weeks back I was feeling the funk and feeling like things were just off, well they were. I was pregnant and didn't know it. : )

I am happy to report that I am ten weeks along and have seen the little bean with my own eyes and have heard it's beating heart (nice and fast like they like). I met my doctor for the first time yesterday (I normally have been seeing a PA) and I really like her. I really like the fact that I have a prescription for the crazy afternoon vomiting wave that washes over me which means I have kept all my food down for the lest three days. Yippee! Prior to that I had lost four pounds. I am pretty sure pregnancy is not supposed to be a weight loss plan. I am way more tired now than I was with Emelia. The days feel pretty long right about now but I am hoping that gets a little better in the second trimester. I will write more about my feelings and all the craziness in a bit. I just wanted the world to know.

The Christmas Hunt has Begun

Last year i bought most of Emelia's Christmas presents from the resale shop. I figured she won't know the difference, I don't have to assemble anything and the money goes further. I still believe all of those things so I plan to do the same again this year. I have begun the hunt. I want a kitchen and a tricycle but other than that I am open to whatever gems i turn up. I found a kitchen for $10 two weeks ago. It s just the right size for her now and then I can look for a nicer one for next year when she outgrows it. I am not sure what else t o get her. Does anyone have any ideas for good, well-loved two year old toys? So far what she is digging right now is a five dollar stroller my aunt gave her and whatever comes out of the happy meal at McDonald's. : ) I will keep you posted on what I come up with.

It has been a busy month for us. We went on a whirlwind adventure to Iowa and Illinois. It was great to be with family. I felt like we got to see everyone we wanted to see and we ate a lot of fried chicken. It was neat to see Emelia establish relationships with my cousins kids and my aunts and uncles. She particularly took to my uncle Dick and still professes to miss papa Dick and puppy. (My aunt and uncle have an 18 year old Shih Tzu that Emelia loved but I am pretty sure the "puppy" was happy to see Emlia leave.) Then we came home and had a week to get the house in shape for my friend Lindsey's visit. It was a great visit. We hit the resale shops and ate plenty of Panera (she doesn't have them where she lives.)

We have a halloween party this weekend and I am anxious to see if Emelia will wear her Elmo costume for any length of time and or let me take her picture in it. We will have to see. Jeff and I will fall in to our usual costumes. Fifties girl for me and 70s guy for him. He loves to wear the afro wig. Hear are some pics from our Illinois trip...

Sorry about the long hiatus

Two weeks ago we were in Iowa/Illinois (more about that trip to come), last week I was busy preparing for my friend to come visit and now she is hear! Yea for me!

I promise I will write more soon, but for now we are off to do the things we love to do together. Go to target, buy groceries and just generally exist.

Oh Boy

Emelia has not napped today. I have tried putting her down twice. She didn't even attempt to nap either time. I am straining for peace. You see I didn't sleep well last night so I thought maybe I would also nap today. No such luck. So tired, so cranky so hungry..... UGH!

Funk be gone

The good news is that I seem to be over my case of the funk, or as my mom would call it, the blue funk. (The blue funk for her though usually had something to do with menopause so I don't think I really had the blue funk.) We had a good weekend, busy but good. I still haven't ventured back to the gym but I have stopped eating everything in sight and as soon as noodle wakes up from her nap we are off to the gym. The weather has been really lovely this weekend so maybe my friend Thuy was right about my mood being effected by the dreary weather.

We started a new life group last night and I am so glad. It is so good to be in community with other Christians. It is funny because our group is really diverse, we have parents of 8 year olds, parents of triplets, parents-to-be and non-parents. We are all different ages and come from different laces but we all love the Lord so we instantly know there is a common denominator. It is just cool. The other cool thing is that coincidentally enough, none of us are from Omaha.

Okay, I have to actually get the kitchen cleaned still before sleeping beauty wakes up so see you later "agator" as Emelia says.

Off my game

For some reason I have been completely off my game this week. I have had little to no interest in exercising. I feel unmotivated to do any housework and I have not paid a lick of attention to what I eat. I just feel sluggish and fuzzy in the head. I don't know what my dal is but I have got to get past it. It is making me crazy.

I feel like a sloth and I am resentful of any task which I am forced to accomplish in order to save my pride. (i.e. something that someone else is counting on me to do.)

The only thing I have felt like doing is shopping. I tend to shop for Emelia when I am in moods like this because it requires no fitting rooms and I can get more things for less money. Seriously what is my deal? Atleast my kid has cute clothes...

E

Who needs white sandy beaches?

especially when you can have fried chicken and homemade mac and cheese? So our vacation to Turks and Caicos has been postponed due to hurricane Ike. I prayers o out to the people who actually live there because my vacation is nothing compared to their lives and homes and way of life. Since we are not going to go to the island in two weeks I decided to do the next best thing. I am going to Cedar Rapids, Iowa and Bloomington, Illinois. Emelia and I are going on a road trip to visit family. I am pretty excited. in other SUPER DUPER EXCITING news. My friend Lindsey is coming to visit in October. I may have already written about it but it is so exciting. I am already planning meals and activities for when she is here. Yahoo!

Oops

I realized in my last blog entry I spelled craptastic wrong. Yeah, it's cool, I looked it up in Webster's and it is definitely spelled right now. : )

Holy Craptastic Batman!

Tonight is the kickoff to regular season football. The excitement looms heavy in the air. Man, I am excited! I will wear my "Mrs. Moc" jersey and Jeff will wear his "The Moc" jersey and it will be terrific!